TheDarkEnigma
St. JackieArklövcel
★★★★★
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2019
- Posts
- 17,167
During my bluepilled days, starting from the end of elementary school up through most of high school I was a hopeless romantic. I used to have high hopes in getting a girlfriend and having my first kiss now that I was becoming a teenager.
I was mostly around peers who were a bit older than me at school because I technically skipped two grades and placed in high school classes when I was in 7th and 8th grade, and so I had oneitis for many different girls though I got rejected every time.
I was also a male feminist back then and believed that women were attracted to virtue and chivalry, to put girls on a pedestal and view them in a good light, and that "true beauty comes from the inside" rhetoric. I used to view sex and romantic attraction differently; I did view porn (mostly softcore stuff) back then but I thought only a few females were sexual but most good girls were morally virtuous and innocent and wanted men who were emotionally sensitive and treated them right, and that hookup culture was sexist, hedonistic and lacked emotional meaning. I was afraid of being seen as misogynistic, and that included viewing women sexually. I literally viewed women as goddesses back then, that they can do no wrong and that their beauty should be worshipped.
I actually didn't felt horny for a oneitis or that I desire to have sex with them, but more like I wanted companionship and someone I can hang out with at a park or by the sea for example, and someone I can hug and hold hands and cuddle with. You can say I had a Madonna complex for every girl I was attracted to at school, and I would get obsessions where a oneitis was the most perfect girl there was and that there is no other girl as beautiful as her.
I wasn't focused so much on sex and virginity, and more on having a first kiss because I viewed that as the ultimate display of affection from what I watched on TV and movies. I did viewed kissing as more of an emotional act rather than a sexual one.
I was much more obsessed with my appearance and I wasn't fat like I am now. I lost a lot of weight and got fit because I was vegetarian at the time. I grew my hair out into an Afro, put on cologne and wore a suit and tie every day to impress girls. I would listen to love songs while I was thinking of a oneitis and I even wrote my own love songs and play them on my ukulele and write poems and stuff, and I would also watch videos on how to attract girls and tried to jestermaxx.
As I got older and the more rejections I got, I realized that my efforts were in vain, and I also realized that girls weren't as innocent as they seemed. I first got into the redpill/blackpill right before my senior year of high school, when one of my friends introduced me to it. At first I started watching pick-up and MGTOW videos and then videos from channels like FACEandLMS and Sandman. Around the same time I was lurking around this forum and I also got blackpilled from 4chan.
When I first joined this forum, I still held on to bluepilled beliefs and I still didn't want to see myself as misogynistic. Though overtime my beliefs would change for the better as I learn more and more about women's nature and what they are really attracted to. I learned not to worry about thinking things or saying things that are offensive to other people even if they are based on truths, so it helped desocialize my thoughts on women.
Like I knew women cared about men's appearances to some extent, I've always wanted to be fit and muscular especially since I've always been insecure about my body considering that I was obese as a kid. I lost weight in my teen years when I became vegetarian but I've gained it all back since graduating high school. I still believed that personality, virtue and a sense of humor also impacted attractiveness. And me seeing them as the empathetic gender, I though they can look past a man's looks if he had a good personality and wasn't a jerk. I didn't knew that face and height were very important factors, and that women placed high standards on traits that are genetically acquired and not just things you could improve upon.
I realized now that there's no such thing as a "good girl", that virtually all females are sluts in someway and even the most innocent looking foids in the street (the shy nerd girl in class, the school teacher, the nurse, etc.) probably got railed by Chad. A man can be a total asshole and still get validation from women just for being tall and good-looking. Me at 5'4 isn't going to get that type of attention, no matter how much "self-improvement" I do. I also realize that it's impossible for a woman to be single and that every woman is already taken, not that "there's always someone for everyone" and that "there is plenty of fish in the sea". I've also become bitter and cynical about humanity and life in general.
I remember looking through the social media of my former female classmates, a lot of them have started to whore themselves out online and have OnlyFans and a lot of them already have kids. Meanwhile the friends that I still have from high school are all virgins.
I don't put women on a pedestal anymore. I am still sexually attracted to them of course, but beyond that I see women as just mortal human sacks of flesh who are all sexual beings and are self-motivated like any other person, and whose only purpose is to satisfy men's lust, who get fat and will get old and rot to the ground one day. They are agents of lust, temptation, chaos and strife.
At the same time, I still hold onto an ideal and "poetic" image of femininity. I still desire physical intimacy, emotional connection, and companionship from women. And I still admire women's bodies, their curvatures, their softness and delicateness, and their faces; not just in a sexual way, but I genuinely find women's bodies and faces and femininity to be beautiful in an aesthetic sense, the same way as I find the view of a natural landscape on a mountain top or the deep blue sea by a shore on a sunny summer day beautiful. The reality is I know women cheat, lie, deceive, sleep around with many men while excluding you, and will be rude to you if you are undesirable and try to approach them. They use their sexual appeal from men to get an advantage and to trick us into their scheme. I know in reality women aren't goddesses and angels, I don't trust real women, and I know better not to simp.
I used to view lust (pure sexual attraction with no emotional connection) and romantic attraction (finding them aesthetically beautiful and desiring an emotional connection) as separate things, and I will view women I considered "sexy" (sexually attractive) differently from women I considered "cute" (romantically attractive) to be separate but I no longer view them as mutually exclusive. I now view sex as a physically and emotionally intimate act, the act of merging the essence of two beings of opposing forces in order to bring forth a new creation together. Touch and skin-to-skin contact is very important to me, not just the carnal satisfaction of relieving natural urges.
That being said I do hold some resentment from women. All the years of being rejected by them on top of the fact that they don't find me attractive enough to let me experience the best pleasure life has to offer. And if I do get it it's because I'm giving them money and not because they are genuinely attracted to me or they want to make me feel good. You can't trust them because if they see you as genetically unworthy they will cheat on you for a better looking man and make you live a life of a lie. I also view promiscuous women and prostitutes with a sense of disdain and disgust, the fact that they put their own dignity aside to let some random thugs to pound them for money. That every woman gets hit on by every guy she meets and that your daughter, your sister and your mother are still hoes, and that they only live to be some other guy's fuck hole. All women are sexual, they are viewed sexually, they have sex, they never get to experience loneliness and frustration, and then they rub that onto our faces.
Sex gets thrown at them and for them sex is as mundane as drinking water, breathing air or sleeping. For men like me, sex and female companion is like finding the holy grail, just a dream that you can never achieve no matter how far you try to reach it. The best pleasure in life is like a forbidden fruit undesirable men are unworthy to have.
I guess that's it.
I was mostly around peers who were a bit older than me at school because I technically skipped two grades and placed in high school classes when I was in 7th and 8th grade, and so I had oneitis for many different girls though I got rejected every time.
I was also a male feminist back then and believed that women were attracted to virtue and chivalry, to put girls on a pedestal and view them in a good light, and that "true beauty comes from the inside" rhetoric. I used to view sex and romantic attraction differently; I did view porn (mostly softcore stuff) back then but I thought only a few females were sexual but most good girls were morally virtuous and innocent and wanted men who were emotionally sensitive and treated them right, and that hookup culture was sexist, hedonistic and lacked emotional meaning. I was afraid of being seen as misogynistic, and that included viewing women sexually. I literally viewed women as goddesses back then, that they can do no wrong and that their beauty should be worshipped.
I actually didn't felt horny for a oneitis or that I desire to have sex with them, but more like I wanted companionship and someone I can hang out with at a park or by the sea for example, and someone I can hug and hold hands and cuddle with. You can say I had a Madonna complex for every girl I was attracted to at school, and I would get obsessions where a oneitis was the most perfect girl there was and that there is no other girl as beautiful as her.
I wasn't focused so much on sex and virginity, and more on having a first kiss because I viewed that as the ultimate display of affection from what I watched on TV and movies. I did viewed kissing as more of an emotional act rather than a sexual one.
I was much more obsessed with my appearance and I wasn't fat like I am now. I lost a lot of weight and got fit because I was vegetarian at the time. I grew my hair out into an Afro, put on cologne and wore a suit and tie every day to impress girls. I would listen to love songs while I was thinking of a oneitis and I even wrote my own love songs and play them on my ukulele and write poems and stuff, and I would also watch videos on how to attract girls and tried to jestermaxx.
As I got older and the more rejections I got, I realized that my efforts were in vain, and I also realized that girls weren't as innocent as they seemed. I first got into the redpill/blackpill right before my senior year of high school, when one of my friends introduced me to it. At first I started watching pick-up and MGTOW videos and then videos from channels like FACEandLMS and Sandman. Around the same time I was lurking around this forum and I also got blackpilled from 4chan.
When I first joined this forum, I still held on to bluepilled beliefs and I still didn't want to see myself as misogynistic. Though overtime my beliefs would change for the better as I learn more and more about women's nature and what they are really attracted to. I learned not to worry about thinking things or saying things that are offensive to other people even if they are based on truths, so it helped desocialize my thoughts on women.
Like I knew women cared about men's appearances to some extent, I've always wanted to be fit and muscular especially since I've always been insecure about my body considering that I was obese as a kid. I lost weight in my teen years when I became vegetarian but I've gained it all back since graduating high school. I still believed that personality, virtue and a sense of humor also impacted attractiveness. And me seeing them as the empathetic gender, I though they can look past a man's looks if he had a good personality and wasn't a jerk. I didn't knew that face and height were very important factors, and that women placed high standards on traits that are genetically acquired and not just things you could improve upon.
I realized now that there's no such thing as a "good girl", that virtually all females are sluts in someway and even the most innocent looking foids in the street (the shy nerd girl in class, the school teacher, the nurse, etc.) probably got railed by Chad. A man can be a total asshole and still get validation from women just for being tall and good-looking. Me at 5'4 isn't going to get that type of attention, no matter how much "self-improvement" I do. I also realize that it's impossible for a woman to be single and that every woman is already taken, not that "there's always someone for everyone" and that "there is plenty of fish in the sea". I've also become bitter and cynical about humanity and life in general.
I remember looking through the social media of my former female classmates, a lot of them have started to whore themselves out online and have OnlyFans and a lot of them already have kids. Meanwhile the friends that I still have from high school are all virgins.
I don't put women on a pedestal anymore. I am still sexually attracted to them of course, but beyond that I see women as just mortal human sacks of flesh who are all sexual beings and are self-motivated like any other person, and whose only purpose is to satisfy men's lust, who get fat and will get old and rot to the ground one day. They are agents of lust, temptation, chaos and strife.
At the same time, I still hold onto an ideal and "poetic" image of femininity. I still desire physical intimacy, emotional connection, and companionship from women. And I still admire women's bodies, their curvatures, their softness and delicateness, and their faces; not just in a sexual way, but I genuinely find women's bodies and faces and femininity to be beautiful in an aesthetic sense, the same way as I find the view of a natural landscape on a mountain top or the deep blue sea by a shore on a sunny summer day beautiful. The reality is I know women cheat, lie, deceive, sleep around with many men while excluding you, and will be rude to you if you are undesirable and try to approach them. They use their sexual appeal from men to get an advantage and to trick us into their scheme. I know in reality women aren't goddesses and angels, I don't trust real women, and I know better not to simp.
I used to view lust (pure sexual attraction with no emotional connection) and romantic attraction (finding them aesthetically beautiful and desiring an emotional connection) as separate things, and I will view women I considered "sexy" (sexually attractive) differently from women I considered "cute" (romantically attractive) to be separate but I no longer view them as mutually exclusive. I now view sex as a physically and emotionally intimate act, the act of merging the essence of two beings of opposing forces in order to bring forth a new creation together. Touch and skin-to-skin contact is very important to me, not just the carnal satisfaction of relieving natural urges.
That being said I do hold some resentment from women. All the years of being rejected by them on top of the fact that they don't find me attractive enough to let me experience the best pleasure life has to offer. And if I do get it it's because I'm giving them money and not because they are genuinely attracted to me or they want to make me feel good. You can't trust them because if they see you as genetically unworthy they will cheat on you for a better looking man and make you live a life of a lie. I also view promiscuous women and prostitutes with a sense of disdain and disgust, the fact that they put their own dignity aside to let some random thugs to pound them for money. That every woman gets hit on by every guy she meets and that your daughter, your sister and your mother are still hoes, and that they only live to be some other guy's fuck hole. All women are sexual, they are viewed sexually, they have sex, they never get to experience loneliness and frustration, and then they rub that onto our faces.
Sex gets thrown at them and for them sex is as mundane as drinking water, breathing air or sleeping. For men like me, sex and female companion is like finding the holy grail, just a dream that you can never achieve no matter how far you try to reach it. The best pleasure in life is like a forbidden fruit undesirable men are unworthy to have.
I guess that's it.
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