2020 was probably the worst possible time to start highschool due to jewvid, no great memories were made, I became accustomed to rotting and lost the last vestige of neurotypicality I had left. The previous year was cut short so the only thing I did was sat on my ass which my parents never objected to. The only ones in my school to make tons of friends during the next year were those that already had friend groups previously but I was new to this whole school system, I had moved recently from a place where I had a ton of non-nt/nt friends.
My retarded parents didn't allow me to have a phone so the few friends I did manage to make quickly flaked off. Fucking retarded helicoptER parenting I swear.
They didn't even take to the gym or force me to get a drivers license. When I wanted a job at 14/15 they turned me down even though I desperately needed a change of pace and money of my own that could be spent on the gym and a decent phone.
The weekends I rotted through meant nothing to them, they never bothered to ask me if I possibly wanted to ever visit an old friends house.
When I was at my heaviest I made a promise that I would recomp in the gym (I gained weight from rotting) before tenth grade started but that was the summer where I'm basically stuck in another country rotting (again) and gaining more weight. What's worse is that they overstay since they couldn't get any decently priced flights, school starts and I'm behind everybody and the small bit of discipline I had is completely lost.
For the entire eleventh grade year I'm convinced I will eventually rope, I had no hope at all, weight wise, height wise, and socially. I remember the conversations I never had or the foids I never got to ask out simply due to a string of misfortune but I somehow "make it" through the year going from a three to a five by leaning out.
It wasn't enough due to how late I was, the ache in my heart grew more palpable, junior year had ended on a similarly grim note, I still didn't have a job, a car, decent clothes, license, or even a personality due to how handicapped I became from the past two years. It doesn't help that they're all older than me by a year and far more developed.
Now here I am, writing this as graduation approaches, I am 18, I will never get to be with my oneitises, even the weird ones became NT if they weren't before, they have all forgotten me, I sit in a deep crevice where all the useless junk is stored within their mind. I was so naive to have let this time slip out of my hands, perhaps it was my fault or my parents, or both even but one thing remains clear, I will never recover. I will never be able to come back here, there will be no second chances, there isn't going to be a big farewell to my girlfriend that I adore because we are going to different colleges. I cannot express this painful agonizing feeling within my heart in words, for the longest time I was the guy to dismiss the teenlovepill as some bullshit that people cling onto but anime/VNs/mangas and most shows prove that this is the only time you have some leeway, where life feels electrifying, possibilities are endless, figments of imagination become reality.
I never had my great story arc I imagined I would have, I always wanted to be the loner loser type who finally got his break despite all the setbacks but as we find out the hard way, we were never the main characters, we were never meant to be the contenders that society wants desperately. We are the dregs, the beggers, the ones who "won" a life of pain alone with no one to accompany it.
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9mMBj-yFuE
I was born with the affliction of the ability to feel love itself, most normies are sociopathic, they completely lack this element and are instead with their partners primarily for sex, anything like body count or passion is an afterthought so this concept is alien to them.
My retarded parents didn't allow me to have a phone so the few friends I did manage to make quickly flaked off. Fucking retarded helicoptER parenting I swear.
They didn't even take to the gym or force me to get a drivers license. When I wanted a job at 14/15 they turned me down even though I desperately needed a change of pace and money of my own that could be spent on the gym and a decent phone.
The weekends I rotted through meant nothing to them, they never bothered to ask me if I possibly wanted to ever visit an old friends house.
When I was at my heaviest I made a promise that I would recomp in the gym (I gained weight from rotting) before tenth grade started but that was the summer where I'm basically stuck in another country rotting (again) and gaining more weight. What's worse is that they overstay since they couldn't get any decently priced flights, school starts and I'm behind everybody and the small bit of discipline I had is completely lost.
For the entire eleventh grade year I'm convinced I will eventually rope, I had no hope at all, weight wise, height wise, and socially. I remember the conversations I never had or the foids I never got to ask out simply due to a string of misfortune but I somehow "make it" through the year going from a three to a five by leaning out.
It wasn't enough due to how late I was, the ache in my heart grew more palpable, junior year had ended on a similarly grim note, I still didn't have a job, a car, decent clothes, license, or even a personality due to how handicapped I became from the past two years. It doesn't help that they're all older than me by a year and far more developed.
Now here I am, writing this as graduation approaches, I am 18, I will never get to be with my oneitises, even the weird ones became NT if they weren't before, they have all forgotten me, I sit in a deep crevice where all the useless junk is stored within their mind. I was so naive to have let this time slip out of my hands, perhaps it was my fault or my parents, or both even but one thing remains clear, I will never recover. I will never be able to come back here, there will be no second chances, there isn't going to be a big farewell to my girlfriend that I adore because we are going to different colleges. I cannot express this painful agonizing feeling within my heart in words, for the longest time I was the guy to dismiss the teenlovepill as some bullshit that people cling onto but anime/VNs/mangas and most shows prove that this is the only time you have some leeway, where life feels electrifying, possibilities are endless, figments of imagination become reality.
I never had my great story arc I imagined I would have, I always wanted to be the loner loser type who finally got his break despite all the setbacks but as we find out the hard way, we were never the main characters, we were never meant to be the contenders that society wants desperately. We are the dregs, the beggers, the ones who "won" a life of pain alone with no one to accompany it.
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9mMBj-yFuE
I was born with the affliction of the ability to feel love itself, most normies are sociopathic, they completely lack this element and are instead with their partners primarily for sex, anything like body count or passion is an afterthought so this concept is alien to them.
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