Venting How does one overcome (or at least cope with) the "autismpill" as a sub 8 male??

[Progeny of Horus]

I'm not talking about autism as an actual medical condition as I never been diagnosed with it, but rather autism in the conventional or metaphorical sense. I.e: someone who's very socially introverted and anxious, lacks in dexterity and motor skills, has mostly indoors hobbies and is completely disinterested in social dynamics and the conventional means of communicating/building relationships. I completely despise small talk, pandering to females, faking excitement at normie's constant brainfarts and clown moves etc.. yet I'm still not a complete schizo who's actually completely fine with living all by himself, so loneliness does strike hard from time to time.

Over the years I have attained very few good male friends, but nowhere near enough to get into social circles to eventually get into a relationship. Dating apps won't work (which I already did try anyway) since females would eventually sense my 'autism' thru my bio or the texting phase and I'm obviously not good looking enough to hax through all of that. The worst part is that I don't get avoided or rejected for being "too awkward" or such, but rather people tend to label me as a "narcissist" or an "asshole" and demonize me simply for being my true self so they could feel better about cutting me off.

Maybe if I get a doctorate and get moderately rich I'll have a better time???

 

[never began]

I'm not talking about autism as an actual medical condition as I never been diagnosed with it, but rather autism in the conventional or metaphorical sense. I.e: someone who's very socially introverted and anxious, lacks in dexterity and motor skills, has mostly indoors hobbies and is completely disinterested in social dynamics and the conventional means of communicating/building relationships. I completely despise small talk, pandering to females, faking excitement at normie's constant brainfarts and clown moves etc.. yet I'm still not a complete schizo who's actually completely fine with living all by himself, so loneliness does strike hard from time to time.

Over the years I have attained very few good male friends, but nowhere near enough to get into social circles to eventually get into a relationship. Dating apps won't work (which I already did try anyway) since females would eventually sense my 'autism' thru my bio or the texting phase and I'm obviously not good looking enough to hax through all of that. The worst part is that I don't get avoided or rejected for being "too awkward" or such, but rather people tend to label me as a "narcissist" or an "asshole" and demonize me simply for being my true self so they could feel better about cutting me off.

Maybe if I get a doctorate and get moderately rich I'll have a better time???

I do geniunely have autism and my father has it aswwll and I can tell you, it's absolutely over.

I've spent most of my youth training heavily day in and day out how to hide my autism and manners (learning how to walk"normally", how to hold my laughter at inconvenient times, how to not speak erratically), and most people still have their suspicious in the first week of meeting me, so much so they plain ask me if I have it.

It pisses me off to no end. Even with the 5'6height, the semi ugly face, the framelet, if I was NT I could've 100% lived a happy normal life, specially at school. I remember girls treating me nicely on first meeting and geniunely holding a conversation with me (hope i'm not banned for that line lol) to treating me like a subhuman once they learned of my autism. I am 100% sure I could've scored with just be first theory, but I got given this Death sentence because I'm God's little funny monkey that keeps getting up no matter how hard he's beaten down.