I'll start this story with some context to explain the mindset I am currently in. Before I became a internet shut in I was very confident socially and had a poppin friend group. Now I'm in my early twenties and after high school I decided to work full time instead of going to college with the boys. Overtime this caused me to lose all of my friends, and I'm left with almost no social circle at all. I have been living the socially isolated internet degenerate lifestyle for about 3-4 years now, people hit me up from time to time, but I always ignore them as the insecurities grow deeper due to how stagnant I've been in life. I do work though, full time and try to keep my head down whenever possible, having no interest in creating new connections. During times like this I've been feeling a deep yearning for a relationship but the one where you just meet a person through your day to day. With the current lifestyle and job I work at there is literally no possible way I will be able to meet anyone, and I am starting to feel trapped like ill die alone or will get too old and ugly for the 10 I dream of.
Now that I got my shit mind set out of the way lets go to the juicy story:
I work nightshifts at a place with mostly old men and pretty much all 3 of the young women are already fucking around with other chads/managers in the place so no options. Up until a year ago that is (so it seems.) As usual I was at work moving shit around, getting barked at, wishing for change and all of a sudden, I see this new HOT girl that looked about my age pull up. You already know my early twenties virgin ass was absolutely pumped to go get to know her. This was the first opportunity I had in literally 3 years to just talk to a girl I found attractive. She actually ended up introducing herself to me and for the first month we were flirting back and forth. I was like damn could this be it, could my life really get better? About a week later she approached me and asked if I saw her waving at me and I asked her "how you weren't even at work"? Then she dropped the atom bomb that she was just dropping off her BOYFRIEND that of course works at the same job as us, GOD DAMN. It was at that point I can say I truly felt like an incel.
I slowly weaned off talking to her even though she still seemed super interested in getting to know me. It's got to the point where it was just straight up ignoring because of how depressed it made me feel that I was so close yet so far (I'm a incel lmao). I finally started hanging out with some homies outside of work from time to time and one day her and HER MANS show up unexpectedly with us. BRO LOOKS JUST LIKE ME WTF. I have no idea why but this made me even more envious that if he didn't exist that could have been me. Yes, I have descended so deep my mind is literally on that "it shoulda been me" shit. Throughout all this weird incel internal battle shit going on I actually played it pretty cool and become somewhat chill with him for that day.
Fast forward 3 months he's now working graveyard in our department. So now I got to see this dude everyday great. At first, we were chilling but as time went on, I believe him and everyone I used to hang with have caught on. Since that day we all hung out, I have distanced myself from everyone and the rage inside grows as I feel trapped with no options as everyone else smiles on happily with their partner. I get yelled at and treated like shit by old ass men all day long and then go home to darkness, while her boyfriend gets to live it up with a hot girl working and dating. And what burns me up is that he reminds me of myself, what could have been me if the dice was just rolled slightly differently. Not even just because we look alike but I can tell his girlfriend makes a conscious effort to try and get to know me even though I am blatantly ignoring the absolute shit out her in an obvious incel like way. So obvious in fact, that I get paranoid they have caught on. Overtime her boyfriend caught on and stopped talking to me as much. We would pass each other not saying a damn word for weeks.
Up until a week ago where he randomly invited me to HIS birthday party. Him and his girl were talking when randomly he came up to me and asked if I wanted to come. I tried getting out of it but he was pretty persistent in debunking my excuses lmao. I am going to be around a pool with his family, girl, friends, maybe some of my co-workers, basically in the heart of what kills me day in and day out. This will happen in a couple weeks from now and I am so terrified at what the outcome of this will be. I have fallen so deep in depression and been so socially isolated for so long that I don't even want to put in the effort to carry a conversation anymore. How the HELL am I supposed to be around all these people that I already have so much tension around. HIM AND HIS GIRL HAVE TO KNOW WHATS UP BY NOW. All of this tension I believe stems from 4-year isolation and being a desperate virgin insider. I'd post a picture of myself, but you'll just have go with my word on this one: I am an example that anyone can become a crazy depressed shut in incel. If you let the internet become your go to cope for long enough, you'll descend. I look great but the internet and degenerate actions has fried my brain to a point where looks don't even matter IM FUCKED socially.
Enough yapping I am here to ask you the viewers an important question after reading this:
Do I go to this party with the current mindset I am in?
Why would he invite me to this party knowing I act weird around him and his girl?
I appreciate yall for reading this, I just let loose real quick lmao. I believe that relationships, sex, family, and friends is the fuel that keeps people marching on in this slave life. If someone is left starving without one or all of these things, it can create a very dangerous mindset. I am slipping slowly into degeneracy will I be saved? Find out next time... (oh and obviously most attractive foids don't have to put in any effort to get all of these things and more lmao, different topic for different day)
