I occasionally have glimpses of hope and they have nothing to do with getting a girlfriend or turning my life around. Instead they have to do with my thought pattern, the way my brain functions I get these glimpses where my brain is almost function the way i want to, where the OCD finally stops being so relentless and i finally have that sense of the self that i've been missing in my life for a couple of years now but it's fully there. Still in the back of my mind i can feel the OCD building up within me and that temporary sense of self i have is fragile and shatters within an instant and i'm back where I started. A man with no soul or any real idea who or what he really is. I wish i knew but a lifetime of near complete isolation has rotted my brain and soul.
