After LDARing for a few days I convinced myself that going to my Dad's house because he wanted to see me was a good idea. Nothing wrong with my Dad and spending time with him but fuck me this trip has been mental torture.
Every time I do or say anything I fuck it up in some small way, when I'm ordering at a restaurant I feel a rush of worry when it's suddenly my turn to order and I get distracted between ordering my preteen brother a burger with no tomato sauce and asking him if he wants a drink. Every time I try opening a hotel door that should obviously been locked when we left or ask a stupid question I get a sarcastic "really", "no" or "duhhh". I'm not even mad at him for undermining me every time I fuck up because at the end of the day it's my fuckup and he just points it out in a nasty way.
I'm sick of committing humiliating autismo mistakes constantly, even when the mistake is something in slow motion instead of a one-time thing I still never know what to do if I realise halfway through it.
I met God and he offered me one wish it would be to JUST BE NT. He can offer me a perfect magical waifu but if he offers being NT as an alternative I would pick it in a heartbeat. Maybe if I was NT I could looksmax, live the lowtier normie life and get a North Viet ching chong wife who looks more like a discount Guangzhou Southern Chink than a flip jungle goblin. I can't even tell how much of my retardation if fixable or innate anyway, so I have no idea if trying harder to train myself to chameleonmaxx would work at all.
I have no job and nobody wants to hire me, I have no genuine friends in real life and have not since primary school, I constantly fuck up and don't know how to do it properly because I lack the ability to figure out how to do things that your brain is absolutely unable to do manually without extensive therapy (which my parents didn't make me do as a child of course). I am a big fat fucking RETARD. I have no life, the way other people exist when they're not doing something easily quantifiable like working, sleeping, fucking or enjoying consumer products is a mystery to me because I have no recent lived experience to compare to it. Of all the people that could have been fucking retards it had to be me?
How am I supposed to cope with this? Honest advice pls, what am I supposed to do to make life worth living? The rope frightens me because of eternal oblivion. I'm not even playing on hard mode, God just went into my game files and just deleted a bunch of shit randomly. Being an autismo is hell.
Every time I do or say anything I fuck it up in some small way, when I'm ordering at a restaurant I feel a rush of worry when it's suddenly my turn to order and I get distracted between ordering my preteen brother a burger with no tomato sauce and asking him if he wants a drink. Every time I try opening a hotel door that should obviously been locked when we left or ask a stupid question I get a sarcastic "really", "no" or "duhhh". I'm not even mad at him for undermining me every time I fuck up because at the end of the day it's my fuckup and he just points it out in a nasty way.
I'm sick of committing humiliating autismo mistakes constantly, even when the mistake is something in slow motion instead of a one-time thing I still never know what to do if I realise halfway through it.
I met God and he offered me one wish it would be to JUST BE NT. He can offer me a perfect magical waifu but if he offers being NT as an alternative I would pick it in a heartbeat. Maybe if I was NT I could looksmax, live the lowtier normie life and get a North Viet ching chong wife who looks more like a discount Guangzhou Southern Chink than a flip jungle goblin. I can't even tell how much of my retardation if fixable or innate anyway, so I have no idea if trying harder to train myself to chameleonmaxx would work at all.
I have no job and nobody wants to hire me, I have no genuine friends in real life and have not since primary school, I constantly fuck up and don't know how to do it properly because I lack the ability to figure out how to do things that your brain is absolutely unable to do manually without extensive therapy (which my parents didn't make me do as a child of course). I am a big fat fucking RETARD. I have no life, the way other people exist when they're not doing something easily quantifiable like working, sleeping, fucking or enjoying consumer products is a mystery to me because I have no recent lived experience to compare to it. Of all the people that could have been fucking retards it had to be me?
How am I supposed to cope with this? Honest advice pls, what am I supposed to do to make life worth living? The rope frightens me because of eternal oblivion. I'm not even playing on hard mode, God just went into my game files and just deleted a bunch of shit randomly. Being an autismo is hell.
