WastedPotential
El indio, but uglier and manlet
★★★★★
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2025
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View: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1rj47yr/former_incels_what_was_the_moment_you_realized/
literally just self IMPROOOOOVE and just be confident bro!A lot of it was understanding I had to become the representation of the person I wanted to date. I never actively held hatred for folks who didnt like me back when I was 16-20. Just frustrated. All I had to offer was being a "nice guy" and funny. That got me friends but its not always enough for a good relationship.
Wanted somebody who had their own job/money? I had to have one first. How about somebody with their own transportation? Had to have one first. Wanted somebody who was in shape? I had to put in the hours to be fit myself.
Just basic shit. I didnt have to be a male model, but just removing as many negatives as I could control did wonders for who was suddenly in my dating range. Half of dating is selling who you are to the other person and seeing if they want to buy into that relationship as a partner.
What actually happened is I became self sufficient, confident, and motivated. This just naturally attracts peoples as I was already a decent guy. I found peace in myself and progressing my own life. This is such a huge attracting force its crazy.
Edit: I dont have all the answers but doing nothing and souring yourself is never the right direction. You cant control what SHE thinks. Changing what you can in a positive way will bring people who want to be with you, not just people who see you as a friend. If you want more, you need to be worthy of more. You need to be worth more yourself. A girl wont fix your life magically and she wont fall into your lap if you put off hard work for another day. Deal with as many problems as you can and your life will improve. YOU CAN DO THIS.
Edit 2: Damn, well this blew up. Life aint perfect yall. In the 10 years since I made these changes I have met people, lost people, had good jobs, lost a career due to my heart stacking a debuff my entire life, lost an lung, gained a wife, and still struggling to tread water but we dont drown here.
Guess what faggot, there are many incels with jobs, driver's licenses, and go to the gym. IT DOESNT DO ANYTHING. If you're short and or ugly it's OVER you were never an incel to begin with.
Stopped reading after he wrote 'this girl was interested in me' you were never an incel faggot.I was kind of a "nice guy" incel. There was never really any animosity towards women in general or feminism, although I did resent girls that I was interested in, for not being interested in me, and I'd get all obsessive and "in my head" about them.
Eventually I was just so desperately lonely and there was this girl that was interested in me. So I figured "what the hell?". It was only after I started dating her and figuring out what being in a relationship actually is, that I realized how fucked up my priorities had been. I had sooo many chances to break out of my loneliness and I regret wasting all that time that I felt sorry for myself.
It was a long road to recovery, but we've been together for 14 years now.
So I’ve never had any luck with the ladies, and I was a very angry teenager about it. Never said it out loud, but thought several times about government-provided girlfriends, that kind of shit (again, I was a teenager). The misogyny went hand in hand with some homophobia and transphobia.
What took me out of it was finding an online community early into my adult years (not about this stuff, it was video-game related) that didn’t ostracise me when I was being normal but had no qualms about telling me how much of a dipshit I was when the incel stuff came out. Not really sure what the tipping point was, but there came a time when I realised holding onto all that bitterness wasn’t helping me, and I’ve ended up changing a lot for the better in the years since.
Still never been in a relationship but, although I still want to find that special someone, I feel less defined by it now. I have other things going on in my life and am finding ways to make my own happiness. I’ve even been able to go on a handful of dates, though right now I’m taking time out from it to work on becoming more like the person I want to date while also focusing on my personal projects that make me happy.
To anyone currently within that incel space, I’d say this: Whatever’s happened to you in life, however mistreated you might feel by women (and, in empathy, it’s not wrong to feel lonely - humans are social creatures, after all), it’s simply better to accept being single as your current status and work upon maximising your happiness as an individual, rather than being single and bitter about it, which will only make life and interpersonal relationships less pleasant for you.
I was never an incel but I had a cousin who clearly was. Changing his views started with realizing that women are people. They weren’t evil Chad collecting demons. How did he learn this? By getting off the fucking internet and talking to them in the real world. He got a job at a grocery store and started making friends with actual women. .
Women are people!! touch grass broo!!![]()
As expected typical, soy shit nothing has changed about reddit and nothing ever will.





