Lv99_BixNood
fascel
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- Joined
- Nov 19, 2017
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- 114d 22h 45m
View: https://old.reddit.com/r/IncelTear/comments/k2225w/i_am_a_woman_with_incellike_mentality/
Hey you all!
This is going to be a long post so I am sorry.
I am a woman in my mid-twenties. And as you guessed, I am ugly. I have been told that since I was a kid. So I am basically short, skinny, flat and with dark skin. I grew up in a 3rd world country, so having a light skin is a huge beauty standard, which I don't have. The worst part is, that my siblings are way lighter than me, taller and are better looking in general. I have lived through constant comparisons, every one had to remind me that I am the ugly duckling.
I tried doing good at school and working hard. But nothing helped. When I got to college, it was my first encounter with men in my whole life (school was girls only) and there everything got worse. I got 0 attention from men. Some of them would tell me that I am ugly straight to my face, girls did that too, and if someone saw one of my sisters they would never miss the opprtunity to remind me how shitty I looked.
After a couple of years, I managed to look a bit better with makeup and I had built a character, so I am a bit interesting now and have hobbys. 4 years ago I got my first bf and he was shitty, but it was still a confidence boost. The relationship fell apart and now I am with this other amazing guy. But my incel-like past still haunts me.
I still feel ugly, I am even pretty sure I am. I know no guy would be interested in me if I hadn't have an interesting backstory (A girl that leaves her 3rd world country to be independent from her abusive family) and a nice character.
I also notice how people are generally not nice to me. I am usually treated like shit by strangers. My bf gets smiles and looks from girls while I am with him. I don't get any attention. I am scared he will notice that, he propably knows I am ugly. I am scared he would leave because he honsetly could do better.
I have had long talks with my therapist about this, but nothing is getting better. I kinda know no matter I do, that I will still be ugly.
There are a lot of smart, pretty girls out there. Girls who are not cynical or negative or insecure. And whatever I do I will never be one of theem. I am the (smart?) ugly girl who gets panick attacks because a movie scene triggered her anxiety.
I used even to hate men the way incels hate women, but I know men are not my problem. It is the shitty childhood I had to go through, that I can not escape.
Incel posts are sometimes triggering, I feel like I might go back to the same old ideas. I try to avoid them now.
I am sorry my english is not good. I hope to know if there are other women who also feel like me.
