A few years ago I made the mistake of fighting bullies bigger than me with my fists, and as a manlet, it only resulted to me being humiliated. they ate all the punches and kept provoking me patronizingly by telling me to try it again, implying that my attacks are weak and don't affect them. Shit was humiliating that it kinda convinced my subconscious that they're invincible and this created this new weird addiction: hoarding improvised weapons. I make improvise weapons occasionally and try it out by breaking stuff in our house everyday to keep reminding myself how I'm strong enough to defeat them now. I've broken a mattress, a chair, a punching bag with those weapons just so I can feel secure. Can anybody relate?
