It's been a nice day, and I feel calm. I managed to go outside for 3 hours without my earphones, sunbathed at the beach, swam a little bit, and walked through the city center, all without checking my phone a single time. I also avoided looking at my reflection in every window like I usually do.
I felt peaceful, and as if I wasn't bound by my psychology for once. I will keep experimenting with monk mode (not blasting my ears with tiktok edits for hours each day) to see if my mental issues were simply being intensified by a damaged nervous system. I wasn't angry aside from a few people blowing vape in my face. And even then I didn't feel the need to be grumpy.
The best way I can describe the state I was in is "christlike indifference". When I got home even my skin had a certain glow to it.
And just this morning I was listening to sad edits of a certain tragic TV character, leading to multiple mental spirals and bouts of massive insecurity.
You know, I like the idea that belief shapes reality. Because it essentially does. We know placebo is a real thing. The way we think has direct physical consequences on our bodies. All of my self-reflection and rationalization left me bathing in my own misery, causing a never ending feedback loop of negativity.
Can one delude themselves into unordinary physical improvement? Can one even achieve a state of delusion if they're aware of the mechanism at play? Is it even a delusion if it's working? Am I flirting with this whole idea because I think positivity will restore my hairline? Who knows.
I find this whole paradox so interesting. All of my observations of the reality around me have led me to the conclusion that I must, to a certain degree, choose my own reality (which I'm sure is a common thought, I just didn't decide to dedicate myself to it for a very long time).
And if one's belief does shape their reality, does universal truth even exist? I am becoming a bit of a Solipsist offshoot. My perception defines my truth. If something is illogical to me, but logical to everyone else, in my world it is illogical and that's all that matters, because my perspective is all I get to perceive. Even if I have a mental deficiency, my perspective decides what's correct because I will never hold another persons perspective.
This neither proves or disproves universal truth, but I think it leaves it as a physically unprovable, hypothetical concept, like god or infinity.
This thread isn't very cohesive as I haven't explored this idea enough in real life. Just wanted to share some stuff here. I know some of my posts recently have been personal rather than philosophical. But know that every philosophical post is rooted in ones psychology, and every psychological post has some philosophy engraved in it, if you can read between the lines. Also this place is a cesspit of negativity so, as part of this "positivity" practice, I will mostly just come here to write my thoughts and only use it as a blog. But I do love writing posts here.
I felt peaceful, and as if I wasn't bound by my psychology for once. I will keep experimenting with monk mode (not blasting my ears with tiktok edits for hours each day) to see if my mental issues were simply being intensified by a damaged nervous system. I wasn't angry aside from a few people blowing vape in my face. And even then I didn't feel the need to be grumpy.
The best way I can describe the state I was in is "christlike indifference". When I got home even my skin had a certain glow to it.
And just this morning I was listening to sad edits of a certain tragic TV character, leading to multiple mental spirals and bouts of massive insecurity.
You know, I like the idea that belief shapes reality. Because it essentially does. We know placebo is a real thing. The way we think has direct physical consequences on our bodies. All of my self-reflection and rationalization left me bathing in my own misery, causing a never ending feedback loop of negativity.
Can one delude themselves into unordinary physical improvement? Can one even achieve a state of delusion if they're aware of the mechanism at play? Is it even a delusion if it's working? Am I flirting with this whole idea because I think positivity will restore my hairline? Who knows.
I find this whole paradox so interesting. All of my observations of the reality around me have led me to the conclusion that I must, to a certain degree, choose my own reality (which I'm sure is a common thought, I just didn't decide to dedicate myself to it for a very long time).
And if one's belief does shape their reality, does universal truth even exist? I am becoming a bit of a Solipsist offshoot. My perception defines my truth. If something is illogical to me, but logical to everyone else, in my world it is illogical and that's all that matters, because my perspective is all I get to perceive. Even if I have a mental deficiency, my perspective decides what's correct because I will never hold another persons perspective.
This neither proves or disproves universal truth, but I think it leaves it as a physically unprovable, hypothetical concept, like god or infinity.
This thread isn't very cohesive as I haven't explored this idea enough in real life. Just wanted to share some stuff here. I know some of my posts recently have been personal rather than philosophical. But know that every philosophical post is rooted in ones psychology, and every psychological post has some philosophy engraved in it, if you can read between the lines. Also this place is a cesspit of negativity so, as part of this "positivity" practice, I will mostly just come here to write my thoughts and only use it as a blog. But I do love writing posts here.
