Serious Audio &/Or Visuals That Make Me Feel Existential Dread (And How I Ended Up What I Am Now)

[Fallenleaves]

The blackpill rips our worldview apart

 

[HateCurry]

lol just read it: Dude that song was so sad

I never watched anime but I can imagine such a thing

I never saw it as "cope" but really I did "cope" with dolls when I was a kid until my brother stopped playing and the main character just died out

I think I'm still yet to reach such a boat considering I'm young, I still believe in a lot of things, like I'm not rich in the sense of having possessions, me being rich is literally a character I have to play because I have no choice but to eat what my parents buy me and that is crap, my life is controlled by them (literally controlled they take my possessions away based on what I do.

This did motivate me to just abandon the concept of possession and belonging entirely when my brother stopped playing dolls with me, I didn't physically cry over such a thing, but I felt the same feeling of emptiness, because this doll was supposedly stronger than everyone else, taller than everyone in his class, and he got all the girls.

I was curry, my mom already talked to me about how she had a blue eyed peer at her tutors' and she had a crush on him; I thought this blue eyed thing doesn't matter much (because I never really had a crush on blue eyed people hell I even saw blue eyed stacies like once or twice I think in that period and there was this obese blue eyed teacher but she was fat so no blue eyed crushes) but it really did, eye color really has a halo and I didn't realize it can be dangerous.

Much like love, I really did, love people, I really did love my family, they meant the world to me, I would have panic attacks if I couldn't see them cause I would think something horrible happened like there were nights my dad came home late and I really did you know, kiss my mom, my dad, my brother, in that kind of brotherly love but I realized blue eyes can literally ruin lives this way in a white country and loving one can hurt another.

A less serious person would usually learn it like someone has a breakdown in front of them but I learned it through being hurt myself because I loved people and I did nothing to hurt them, yet they took advantage of me.

My mother started loving my brother more and my brother kept getting privileges and I always thought he looked "cute" in this objective sense of beauty, now him being cute is the thing that ruined my life.

Also I more and more alienate myself from them because they are people who literally get to exercise what the average woman and white knight wants to exercise and they demand my attention and time and waste hours and called my just a few days ago to snatch my phone away. It's brutal...