Personally, I have always been a very self-aware and conscious person, I have always been able to pinpoint the realities of the world, a seemingly alien yet familiar one, that surrounded me, and I always knew, even at the age of 13, that I was not accepted. I was always, in EVERY social situation or context, the outcast. Be it in kindergarten, be it in HS, be it in College, be it anywhere. I have never ever felt the physical touch of any sort of female organisms besides my mother (who, unfortunately, happens to be a bluepilled, mind-dulled normgroid). I have never been greeted in years. That is not an exaggeration or a hyperbole with the intent of proving my point, it's a truth. This is likely because I have an ugly face, I am also neurodivergent because of these experiences, I have severe OCD, autism, violent delusions and Tourette's. I have tried utilizing many different coping/improvement mechanisms, such as extreme physical agonizing (gym, 300 pushups in one day, agonizing 9 kilometer running sessions every 2 days, et cetera), they have not worked, not in the slightest. I have attempted many things, but at this point, I am too careless and too agonized to risk agonizing myself even more for absolutely nothing. DNR? - Look at title, and comment. TLDR? - I am neurodivergent, ugly, and in immense physical and psychological agony (entirely due to genetical and environmental circumstances). I also unfortunately have a high level of intellect, which massively boosts my self-awareness and makes me perceive my torment with way more clarity, further straining what little mental stability I have.
