I'm so fake that sometimes i don't know who i am, i am a compulsive/pathological liar since i was a child, whenever someone is around me i feel like i am acting, every movement i make or word i say are thought out in advance and faked, it's like i am an actor or a chameleon
Sometimes when i am alone i catch myself doing the same thing, it's bizarre, i don't know who i truly am, bizarre as fuck
When i had friends i used to be a totally different person according to which friend group i was, also would put my friends down and mock them passive-aggressively, manipulate them to fight each other and shit,
Any mentally ill incel can relate? over if you are mentally insane tbh
super interesting. I feel like I have reached the stage in BP development where I am starting to become like this. Not as extreme as you describe but like, I have diagnosed autism and used to just be honest with normies. This got me into so much trouble that over the years I realized larping and lying instantly gets you ahead, compared to being honest. Thats how I became a NEET. I have multiple mental health diagnoses now too, which they literally denied me help for years ago because I was too honest.
The more I learn about my own behavior and psychology + other peoples, the more I feel like an actor. I switch roles for different people. My social worker thinks my parents are Joseph Fritzl tier abusers, when it wasnt like that. Yes they sucked and fucked me up mentally, but that wasnt the only issue. It was society as a whole that broke my back.
When I meet up with my parents, I act completly non-autistic, make perfectly normal eye contact and conversation. When im with social worker, I dont even look at them, just at floor. Its completely natural at this point. To be clear, I have actual issues that would make me homeless if not adressed. However, if I expressed myself that way, they would deny me help, as they did before. I have literally been told by government people that I am just a young man and I should figure something out.
My questions for OP, since he is super interesting to me:
1. Do you think your ability to larp is actually a good thing? You can essentially larp as anything you want and become that. Like this might be a skill actually. Like why not larp as someone successful at something, like coding, and then master coding idk?
2. Your way of thinking must have given you insane insight into human psychology, how to manipulate people etc. Tell me all about it, I love this shit. What are people like from your perspective, are there general rules? You must be good at reading people. I find that normies cant spot psychos for example, but I easily can. There is something off, its really similar to people on anti-depressants.
Just give meall your insights bhai
3. Do you like philosophy, in particular stuff on worldviews like pic related?
View attachment systems-06-00027-g001.png
Studying this stuff and applying it to yourself can also lead to a similar feeling as you have, where you mentally break down, because you cant justify your own core beliefs and you feel like its all just larp.
One of the most important uses of worldview analysis is self-analysis. To
become conscious of your grasp of the fundamental nature of reality, to
be able to tell yourself just what you believe about God, the universe,
yourself and the world around you—what else could be more important?
You would be able to live the proverbial examined life. Naming your own
elephant does not guarantee that you are right, but it does mean that you
know where you stand.
When I have taught formal courses in worldviews, I have often asked
students to do such self-analysis. This is an easy assignment, I think, and
many of them do too. But some find it puzzling and even traumatic. For
doing this well means asking not just what you think you believe about
the really real, but what your life tells you about what your worldview
really is.
mega.nz
