Anyone else feel severe anxiety when deviating from your routine?

[Deleted member 7448]

It's more than just deviating from my routine for me, basically doing anything new makes me very sick, to the point of physically feeling almost a bit nauseous, like a slight panic attack.

For example, I keep rewatching the same few sitcoms that I've already seen 50 times (all episodes). So you'd think just watching the same sitcom all day or watching a bunch of different, new tv shows that I haven't seen before would be the same thing. But it's not. The cozy routine of my sitcoms feels safe, feels comfy and familiar. Watching other stuff is stressful for some reason.

There's so many factors that cause this that I can't even properly explain, not that I know them. Deviating from my routine means ... different thoughts, different feelings. Or better said, it allows my mind to experience thoughts and emotions that I repressed, that I keep locked down. Watching the same sitcoms and browsing the same sites allows me to almost hypnotize myself, I'm in a comfy little trance for 24 hours a day.

I've basically lobotomized myself on purpose with my comfy routine. I don't allow many thoughts or feelings to come out, otherwise I honestly can't tell what would happen. I screwed this life thing up way too hard in way too many different ways. Even among this forum I've failed exceptionally much, but I cope with it by sticking to my routine and not thinking or feeling too much.

This is another reason why wageslaving will suck so much for me. God I wish I could just drop dead before having to wageslave. It will be impossible for me to stop the anxiety for many other reasons too. Hell, wageslaving is the intersection of many other anxieties of mine: agoraphobia, social anxiety, PTSD etc...

There's much more to this but my mind is too hazy to remember or structure my thoughts, as always. There's just too many anxieties, everything makes me feel like shit unless I'm distracted by something warm, familiar and cozy, and it happens to be in my case sitcoms while browsing youtube and reddit and (and I guess .co too for 2 years now). Once I stop watching sitcoms and browsing these sites I feel super anxious. Hell, even browsing those sites but doing new things or browsing in a different way makes me anxious. Anything new at all makes me anxious, just sticking to the same things is not anxious. And my routine is just lying in bed for 24 hours a day with my laptop.

 

[Angry_runt]

Well what if you changed your routine to getting blowjobs every hour on the hour? Would that stress you out?

 

[Deleted member 7448]

Well what if you changed your routine to getting blowjobs every hour on the hour? Would that stress you out?

Too unrealistic, cannot compute.

 

[Pumkin]

Moments in my life where I have little breakdowns because of changes in my routine:
-Grocery shopping when they change the store layout
-Being told at work that I'm going to be trained in something new
-Hanging out with a family member when they randomly bring in their friend/gf and didn't tell me
-Going to work and the road is blocked
-Some stranger walking up to me and asking me a question when I'm just trying to mind my business and look down and be invisible

Yea I get it OP. I'd say 70% of my anxiety comes from work and all the changes that come with working for a big corporation. When things abruptly enter my life and I have to adapt I just feel ill. Stomach cramps. I have the urge to urinate. I start sweating. Hate it. Hate that feeling.

 

[AmIjustDreaming]

i'm constantly in a state of anxiety without meds/drugs. panic disorder is living hell

 

[Deleted member 7448]

i'm constantly in a state of anxiety without meds/drugs. panic disorder is living hell

I used alcohol heavily to numb the pain. So heavily that in 2 years I managed to ruin my life in so many ways that my years of depression beforehand seemed like heaven.

Please stop using drugs if you can. Keep using your meds but don't do drugs mate. Well, I've an addictive personality too so I know you won't listen, but I hope that one day you stop using drugs and just meds sufficing.

The thing is, life is so hard and bad, but the consequences to your life from drugs/alcohol just take it to new lows, new rock bottoms of pain and suffering that didn't seem possible beforehand. I'm sure you know all this though, but damn I wish I hadn't been an alcoholic. When I started I did that cause I was depressed already since I was ~13, so I had many years of depression under my belt. But alcohol just made it so much worse in so many ways. The situation before alcohol seems so innocent and easy. Wish I could turn back time every day. I hope you stop using mate.

Moments in my life where I have little breakdowns because of changes in my routine:
-Grocery shopping when they change the store layout
-Being told at work that I'm going to be trained in something new
-Hanging out with a family member when they randomly bring in their friend/gf and didn't tell me
-Going to work and the road is blocked
-Some stranger walking up to me and asking me a question when I'm just trying to mind my business and look down and be invisible

Yea I get it OP. I'd say 70% of my anxiety comes from work and all the changes that come with working for a big corporation. When things abruptly enter my life and I have to adapt I just feel ill. Stomach cramps. I have the urge to urinate. I start sweating. Hate it. Hate that feeling.

Damn mate, I'm sorry you feel that way, that sounds terrible. Life is so tough for you. I hope there are things during your day that make you feel better, or I hope you'll find them.

 

[AmIjustDreaming]

I hope you stop using mate.

I hope I do stop one day.

 

[Emba]

Boy are you in for a treat when the lights go out and you get dragged from your house and get shoved in the bus...

 

[Deleted member 7448]

Boy are you in for a treat when the lights go out and you get dragged from your house and get shoved in the bus...

Reality is a lot more mundane but just as tragic. All of us doomed to a life of wageslavery, endless and meaningless drudgery. Isn't that just as bad?

 

[Emba]

Reality is a lot more mundane but just as tragic. All of us doomed to a life of wageslavery, endless and meaningless drudgery. Isn't that just as bad?

NO.
&
Yes.

 

[Hate_my_life]

That's a sign of Autism.

Yeah I do.

 

[OldCelRage]

-Hanging out with a family member when they randomly bring in their friend/gf and didn't tell me

It's even worse when that friend happens to be someone you used to know from school.

 

[Schizoidcel]

Absolutely. I don't rewatch movies/TV shows though, that's always been boring to me.

 

[latin_elioth]

Me EXCATYLY, Fuck even for "fun" or "vacation" travels, I supposed to feel excited but instead, I feel extremely anxious.

Absolutely. I don't rewatch movies/TV shows though, that's always been boring to me.

For some reason rewatching movies makes me feel unconfortable

 

[Total Imbecile]

Thats autism

Im the same way, my house is literally my base of operations

If I have to go anywhere its so stressful planning when Im gonna eat, etc

This is why I also hate traveling

 

[Deleted member 7448]

Thats autism

Im the same way, my house is literally my base of operations

If I have to go anywhere its so stressful planning when Im gonna eat, etc

This is why I also hate traveling

Huh, yeah I also hate leaving the house, great way to put it - base of operations. Wish we could have some marketable skill that would allow us to work remotely.

 

[Cope_Time]

Same but I don't feel anxiety, at least mostly, new stuff forces my brain too much, I don't have mental energy to do new things.

 

[Irredeemable]

Yes, in fact one small deviation will often ruin my entire day and make me feel exhausted.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

Same but I don't feel anxiety, at least mostly, new stuff forces my brain too much, I don't have mental energy to do new things.

Yes, in fact one small deviation will often ruin my entire day and make me feel exhausted.

You are both right. I both feel exhausted and my whole day is ruined because of 1 thing, big or small but it doesn't matter. Hell, having something to do 3 days from now ruins all 3 days for me even if I don't have to do anything the days before. Also, I made threads about mental energy before, it's brutal. Feels like a disability tbh, literally can't do shit.

 

[Irredeemable]

You are both right. I both feel exhausted and my whole day is ruined because of 1 thing, big or small but it doesn't matter. Hell, having something to do 3 days from now ruins all 3 days for me even if I don't have to do anything the days before. Also, I made threads about mental energy before, it's brutal. Feels like a disability tbh, literally can't do shit.

I speculate that this comes from years of LDARing, doing the same things every day. I wasn't always like this.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

I speculate that this comes from years of LDARing, doing the same things every day. I wasn't always like this.

Not sure, it definitely got worse after LDARing for years but I was always more or less like this.

 

[ScornedStoic]

That's a sign of Autism.

Yeah I do.

 

[keksofthebest]

I really hate going on trips because i'm not going to be in an familiar enviroment and since i eat at the same time everyday i cant do that while on a trip. nor can i do my normal day to day activities

 

[kampman]

Not severe anxiety, but I am uncomfortable to a certain degree.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

I used to be exactly like this, playing the same games over and over, never leaving my house. Because when I'd do that, I could avoid thinking about my own life and basically forget that I exist.

Now I'm closer to the opposite, in that most of my old copes don't work and I need to experience new things to get any substantial amount of enjoyment.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

I used to be exactly like this, playing the same games over and over, never leaving my house. Because when I'd do that, I could avoid thinking about my own life and basically forget that I exist.

Now I'm closer to the opposite, in that most of my old copes don't work and I need to experience new things to get any substantial amount of enjoyment.

What new things have you enjoyed?

 

[Deleted member 8353]

What new things have you enjoyed?

Mainly driving around and seeing new places. It used to be that I was afraid of both driving and traveling in general, but now I drive to unfamiliar cities, national/ state parks and forests, often because I don't want to be at home. It just feels like I'm back in my prison or something when I'm home.

Beyond that I've been enjoying exercising at least a bit everyday, I saw an escort, and the strangest thing is that I often feel better while slaving than I do at home. It's like at least I'm working towards something, making some sort of progress, however minuscule it might be. I hate wasting time now, since I did so much of that for so long.

 

[Indari]

try microdosing psilocybin. It's sold openly in Laos