I'm going to, but I can't yet. It won't be truly interesting until I travel. I won't be able to start writing before some point in my 30's. It would be accurate to describe me as being in a "I will kill myself if my writing isn't successful" state.
This is my background: "raised" by a typical mentally ill single mother (a white american from Minnesota) in a suburb just north of NYC. My older brother, also a virgin, got it much worse than I did. I had lunatics growing up write I was "autistic," but at least I went to public school. He was not only heavily medicated by psychiatrists growing up, but grew up going to private schools hours away so couldn't make friends. It's just legal segregation. To this day, he doesn't have friends and has no ambitions, not surprisingly. The hypocrisy of a society that deprived him of a childhood and expects him to be a normal adult. Most people I grew up around were Jewish, if not raised Jewish having at least one Jewish parent. But the thing is, my father who I didn't grow up with (he moved to Japan when I was little) is from Iran. (not Jewish to be clear, he grew up in a wealthy Muslim household.) They were married and together for a decade, but were already separated by the time I was born. He was born in 1951 and left before the 1979 Revolution; he was actually in Japan at the time it occurred. He accidentally impregnated his girlfriend there in 2011 so has a wife and daughter there and is completely out of my life.
I'm almost 29, and my life here has been nothing but bitter failure. My mother's parents always had money, (my grandmother died a few years ago, and my grandfather is about to die) but have never been willing to support me, my brother, or even really my mother. (whatever exists of the inheritance will go to my aunt, who already has full control over it) I left college in 2016 because I didn't want to be in debt, and I've just basically given up trying to find a job at this point, after constant years of trying. (Wagecuck to have some money, yes, but being on a "career path" — no. I can't get NEETbuxx for disability, either.) The longest job I had was for a year in 2019 as a supermarket cashier and it really messed me up for reasons that are beyond the scope of this comment.
So I've decided to go to Iran. I'm only going because I'm eligible for citizenship due to the fact my father born there. The first step is learning Persian. I don't see myself going before 2026. My shit family would all be against the decision, but they can go fuck themselves. I'm an inversion of that graphic novel author and filmmaker of
Persepolis Marjane Satrapi, the source most get their understanding on this history from, who I obviously have mixed feelings about. She moved from Iran to France. Obviously, I don't believe in God, but the country being Islamic isn't an impediment. It actually could only be easier to meet women there than it is here.
I'm forced my circumstance to inceldom, because to be honest I really don't know what the hell will happen when I go there, but anything beats rotting here like this and I'd rope otherwise. (In 2022, I went on my own to Turkey, and even that was very tough, because I was so close to there.) There is mandatory conscription, a 2 year military draft for all male citizens, and it isn't like some countries where you get out of it for being over the age of 25 or something. (I'm not worried about being forced into combat, because the conflict with Israel will continue to be on a proxy basis, like it always has. Those recent strikes were unprecedented, but performative.) No one I try to explain this to IRL understands this, most people here just hate Iran while knowing nothing about it. The Iranian-Americans are the worst, they're all middle-class and successful and many of them never go back there. I've just been constantly lied to something will happen to me, when it won't. Meanwhile they never acknowledge the relentless social and career dejection over the years that's pushed me to this point and act like everything is great here. Anyone would give up after years of trying and failing to keep menial jobs. I'm absolutely done with trying to live in New York and have been for years, it's only getting more expensive in NYC.
I'm trying to start my life over there, or Turkey. (my family actually speak Turkish, I am Iranian-Azeri and Azeri, like what they speak in Turkey, is a Turkic dialect.) I hope I get drafted because it will be interesting for the memoir. I'm putting all my stakes into this ide
