D
These are all my failed attempts to ask a girl out. Am I fucking stupid or genuinely a lost cause? Not a brag post, I failed miserably each time so I don't see it mattering that I had chances.
- Earliest I can remember: in grade school I went after the jock girl in my grade, but as a 6 or 7 year old retard my idea of doing so was to accidentally fall onto her in soccer, tag, etc.
- Chasing older girls to scare them away, same time frame. This was funny for me but some part of me thought it was hot.
- We did square dancing and I was with a girl one year older because split classes. Later on in a sex ed class I got bored and annoyed and opened the textbook to a random page in the middle and fell asleep. Turned out it was the female anatomy page and that square dance girl sat behind me and yelled my name out when she saw it. This a Catholic school btw. Lucky I didn't get in trouble.
- Several girls left this school early on and I felt lust when they left despite not knowing what sex was. Some other boys did too though, particularly the other disabled kid (but he was different kind of disabled than me).
- Went to a bunch of autist help programs over the years. In the rare cases there were girls, I would try on the ones that were older and more normal. Always failed because they could see it coming from a mile away and told me off discreetly. Disablepill is real, girls with disabilities have more SMV due to morals and easiness thanks to juggernaut law.
- Got tutored for various shit over years along with psychology etc. Psych nothing much happened aside from cute receptionists, but one of my tutors had thing on me. Thing is, I was like 10 or 11 and she was 21. Needless to say most of these tutors got fired once my family got wise to them.
- I did a giftie kid program or three in middle school/second half of grade school. Giftie kids are smart so they figured out I was fucked fast, which screwed up chances with them (I didn't bother, I still had two other schools at the same time plus I was trying to focus on actually keeping my two only best friends left).
- I went to a full-time gifted program at a ghetto ass school for a year or two. Last time I didn't give enough shits about sex, I tried to be nice and a bit flirty to some girls both in ym grade and the one or two above, I just made myself a fool.
- Summer camps. At first, I mostly faced humiliation due to my lack of social boundary understanding and weirdness plus physical weakness, both from girls and boys.
Eventually with a crowd from my last grade school I managed to "persuade" a girl to kiss me under peer pressure. I get cheered on for all of five minutes and then all the actual cool kids get mad or sad and next day she forgets me and my friends there mock me because she's ugly or some shit (it was dark, I don't fucking know).
In later camps, I mostly either just blackpilled and refused to participate (because I can't do shit, and after years of being accused of things I didn't do like bully a girl I'd never so much as looked at etc. I didn't feel like it). Still, I tried for girls older than me yet again a few times and got mad jealous when couples formed at longer and mostly away-from-home camps and I couldn't even get a look. People called me a KHHV to my face in groups in front of people who knew me and sometimes liked or trusted me. I got along better with strangers but not much.
-My last grade school. Fuck this is a lot to unpack. First day of a new school a bunch of Islam girls tried to circle me and tried to start a fucking strip club show out on the bench in lunch break. Inb4 chad, I was best looking in middle school to early high school but this fucking scared me shitless, I had never dealt with it before and I chickened out instead of taking advantage. Other girls then proceeded to do the same to me the rest of the year, but I heard stories and wised up that they were all playing me out of boredom, they weren't into me and just wanted someone to make fun of who wasn't totally repulsive. Well I repulsed them alright. They called me a creep and I lost several new friend groups I tried to make in this school. Eventually when the normie girls started calling me to come over I realized not a single one liked me, I was just a toy for them.
-High school was also pretty shit. Lots of girls playing with me, calling my (all too common) name in hallways and places outside school on the way home knowing that I would react like a tard, pushing each other and boys pushing them to like me when they didn't, and a lot of peer pressure bullshit. The girls who gave me a chance all did so under some sort of pressure from siblings, friends, even existing couples and dates etc. As more people became normal and more mature and less nerdy or childish this went away and I just became the helpless weirdo. I had friends who were known as antagonistic, annoying, and in one or two cases even violent but people gave me the benefit of the doubt because I was nice and had normal friends too (until a point). I still fucked up though because I told a random girl who pissed me off regularly that I was a sociopath (autists often say shit like this without meaning it because we THINK we have no empathy and that we're capable manipulators. Also I always mix up psychopath with sociopath). This stabbed me in the ass along with a passing soft n-word that was meant to make me blend in but instead alienated me from the last people who could stand me there. I left school without going to grad or prom, with a shit average and not making the unis I wanted. I celebrated four years of disappointment and unmet expectations dashed hopes etc. with a friendly get-together with my only remaining friends, who mostly are now in contact with me or at my current college.
-Social media and online connections. Besides how untrustworthy online shit is it also ruined me and blackpilled me at the same time. Fucking hell. I saw how shallow normal people are and any chances I had with them vanished because social media is even more of a dog eat dog world. At this point I am based enough that I use social media only for porn (softcore often) and everything else is just a thin facade. I can't stand most people. When I was 12 or so I went after what I thought was a girl online, turned out to be a guy who pretended to be a girl for reasons, fuck.
-Volunteerships. I had some weird run ins including a girl who acted like she wanted me but then told me she was lesbian, groups of older guys who were actually nice to me (this is rare), and other weird shit comparable to my camp experiences. What I Found from all this is that legit religious people and POC are nicer so long as they're not overtly SJW, compared to white atheist normal people in my continent.
-Jobs. I'm actually good at interviews after years of faking who I am because "I need to act normal". Lots of hot interviewers and in the one job I actually kept, some hot coworkers but no chance, they already got guys or didn't want anyone, at least not from the job place.
- Random girls on the sidewalk. Used to be older or my age, now younger ones. I feel like a fucking pedo or reverse pedo, having had 15 year olds give me a passing glance on the sidewalk as a 13 year old and then 13 year olds as a 16 year old. It's not me, it's them. And then girls say guys look at them like fuckmeat! Hypocrisy beyond all belief. Fuck, I'm not even good looking even if I try to groom myself and dress in style etc. But it's enough to get passing eyes somehow, not in a good way but a predatory way. Who would've thought women could predate on men, wtf. That's not natural. I don't support natural but wow. I actually wish I was ugly sometimes just so I wasn't given false hopes like this every few months or so.
- University/college. By the end of high school I'd all but given up on girls and dating with so many failures that I knew were all my "fault". I couldn't take the pain and tried to wish myself into being asexual but couldn't. Well, shit. I found some girls who I'd consider even though my program is mostly male and my uni does not have nearly as many hot people as all the places I'd been to before, at least not in my program. None of them liked me and some of them saw through me and got turned off, so I lost friends that way. One girl I was talking to because I mistook her for someone I knew had her friend egg her on into thinking I was trying to get her. Well I wasn't but I tried anyway until I realized she already had several guys she was orbiting/orbiting her ,couldn't tell. Variations of this one story happen with most hot and popular girls I've tried (I've tried girls of every type out of desperation at this point).
-To all ITers and other nonincels reading this, keep in mind that "desperation" doesn't mean I just want any girl I can find, I still tried to be choosy myself. If it's that "desperate energy" I'm putting off, well, there's reason behind it. I've been shamed by my family and bullied by so-called friends in real life and online over my inceldom. I feel like society has metaphorically raped me but nobody will take me seriously because it's the absence of sex and relationships, not a forced one. Girls see me as a tryhard or poser and the ones who "liked" me (I don't believe it was ever real beyond the first impressions) or as fuckmeat but not really, I'm somewhere between "don't bother" and "toy" on the hot/cute scale girls use on guys.
*First impressions: I'll make another post on that, there are 3 kinds of ways you can fuck that up.
That desperate energy is because I'm ostracized for my failure. I'm not desperate for girls, I'm desperate for social acceptance because I get some and then it's taken away from me. If I act like I have choices when I don't, I get called egotistic thinking I'm better than I am for acting like I have choices. If I act desperate, I'm also bad. Damned no matter damn what, what a Hobson's choice.
It's an excuse to say you shouldn't be desperate because my own self-worth does not match the self-worth society gives me, in short.
Tell people to stop judging you for being sexless and I'll stop being desperate.
Until then, I'm forced to fit this stereotype and gender role.
I'm not sex-starved, I'm angry at the world. Some people here are genuinely sex-starved, I'm not. I want change, not sex. I want people to give weirdos a chance for Pete's sake.
And the idea that you can fake having something to offer needs to be abolished because it's dishonest and on top of that people can see through the lie and judge you even harder if you can't do a good job of it like I couldn't.
If anyone wants to hear more about my stories, I will PM you. I don't feel safe sharing even this post as is, I could be doxxed if someone who knew me well enough recognizes any one of these stories.
- Earliest I can remember: in grade school I went after the jock girl in my grade, but as a 6 or 7 year old retard my idea of doing so was to accidentally fall onto her in soccer, tag, etc.
- Chasing older girls to scare them away, same time frame. This was funny for me but some part of me thought it was hot.
- We did square dancing and I was with a girl one year older because split classes. Later on in a sex ed class I got bored and annoyed and opened the textbook to a random page in the middle and fell asleep. Turned out it was the female anatomy page and that square dance girl sat behind me and yelled my name out when she saw it. This a Catholic school btw. Lucky I didn't get in trouble.
- Several girls left this school early on and I felt lust when they left despite not knowing what sex was. Some other boys did too though, particularly the other disabled kid (but he was different kind of disabled than me).
- Went to a bunch of autist help programs over the years. In the rare cases there were girls, I would try on the ones that were older and more normal. Always failed because they could see it coming from a mile away and told me off discreetly. Disablepill is real, girls with disabilities have more SMV due to morals and easiness thanks to juggernaut law.
- Got tutored for various shit over years along with psychology etc. Psych nothing much happened aside from cute receptionists, but one of my tutors had thing on me. Thing is, I was like 10 or 11 and she was 21. Needless to say most of these tutors got fired once my family got wise to them.
- I did a giftie kid program or three in middle school/second half of grade school. Giftie kids are smart so they figured out I was fucked fast, which screwed up chances with them (I didn't bother, I still had two other schools at the same time plus I was trying to focus on actually keeping my two only best friends left).
- I went to a full-time gifted program at a ghetto ass school for a year or two. Last time I didn't give enough shits about sex, I tried to be nice and a bit flirty to some girls both in ym grade and the one or two above, I just made myself a fool.
- Summer camps. At first, I mostly faced humiliation due to my lack of social boundary understanding and weirdness plus physical weakness, both from girls and boys.
Eventually with a crowd from my last grade school I managed to "persuade" a girl to kiss me under peer pressure. I get cheered on for all of five minutes and then all the actual cool kids get mad or sad and next day she forgets me and my friends there mock me because she's ugly or some shit (it was dark, I don't fucking know).
In later camps, I mostly either just blackpilled and refused to participate (because I can't do shit, and after years of being accused of things I didn't do like bully a girl I'd never so much as looked at etc. I didn't feel like it). Still, I tried for girls older than me yet again a few times and got mad jealous when couples formed at longer and mostly away-from-home camps and I couldn't even get a look. People called me a KHHV to my face in groups in front of people who knew me and sometimes liked or trusted me. I got along better with strangers but not much.
-My last grade school. Fuck this is a lot to unpack. First day of a new school a bunch of Islam girls tried to circle me and tried to start a fucking strip club show out on the bench in lunch break. Inb4 chad, I was best looking in middle school to early high school but this fucking scared me shitless, I had never dealt with it before and I chickened out instead of taking advantage. Other girls then proceeded to do the same to me the rest of the year, but I heard stories and wised up that they were all playing me out of boredom, they weren't into me and just wanted someone to make fun of who wasn't totally repulsive. Well I repulsed them alright. They called me a creep and I lost several new friend groups I tried to make in this school. Eventually when the normie girls started calling me to come over I realized not a single one liked me, I was just a toy for them.
-High school was also pretty shit. Lots of girls playing with me, calling my (all too common) name in hallways and places outside school on the way home knowing that I would react like a tard, pushing each other and boys pushing them to like me when they didn't, and a lot of peer pressure bullshit. The girls who gave me a chance all did so under some sort of pressure from siblings, friends, even existing couples and dates etc. As more people became normal and more mature and less nerdy or childish this went away and I just became the helpless weirdo. I had friends who were known as antagonistic, annoying, and in one or two cases even violent but people gave me the benefit of the doubt because I was nice and had normal friends too (until a point). I still fucked up though because I told a random girl who pissed me off regularly that I was a sociopath (autists often say shit like this without meaning it because we THINK we have no empathy and that we're capable manipulators. Also I always mix up psychopath with sociopath). This stabbed me in the ass along with a passing soft n-word that was meant to make me blend in but instead alienated me from the last people who could stand me there. I left school without going to grad or prom, with a shit average and not making the unis I wanted. I celebrated four years of disappointment and unmet expectations dashed hopes etc. with a friendly get-together with my only remaining friends, who mostly are now in contact with me or at my current college.
-Social media and online connections. Besides how untrustworthy online shit is it also ruined me and blackpilled me at the same time. Fucking hell. I saw how shallow normal people are and any chances I had with them vanished because social media is even more of a dog eat dog world. At this point I am based enough that I use social media only for porn (softcore often) and everything else is just a thin facade. I can't stand most people. When I was 12 or so I went after what I thought was a girl online, turned out to be a guy who pretended to be a girl for reasons, fuck.
-Volunteerships. I had some weird run ins including a girl who acted like she wanted me but then told me she was lesbian, groups of older guys who were actually nice to me (this is rare), and other weird shit comparable to my camp experiences. What I Found from all this is that legit religious people and POC are nicer so long as they're not overtly SJW, compared to white atheist normal people in my continent.
-Jobs. I'm actually good at interviews after years of faking who I am because "I need to act normal". Lots of hot interviewers and in the one job I actually kept, some hot coworkers but no chance, they already got guys or didn't want anyone, at least not from the job place.
- Random girls on the sidewalk. Used to be older or my age, now younger ones. I feel like a fucking pedo or reverse pedo, having had 15 year olds give me a passing glance on the sidewalk as a 13 year old and then 13 year olds as a 16 year old. It's not me, it's them. And then girls say guys look at them like fuckmeat! Hypocrisy beyond all belief. Fuck, I'm not even good looking even if I try to groom myself and dress in style etc. But it's enough to get passing eyes somehow, not in a good way but a predatory way. Who would've thought women could predate on men, wtf. That's not natural. I don't support natural but wow. I actually wish I was ugly sometimes just so I wasn't given false hopes like this every few months or so.
- University/college. By the end of high school I'd all but given up on girls and dating with so many failures that I knew were all my "fault". I couldn't take the pain and tried to wish myself into being asexual but couldn't. Well, shit. I found some girls who I'd consider even though my program is mostly male and my uni does not have nearly as many hot people as all the places I'd been to before, at least not in my program. None of them liked me and some of them saw through me and got turned off, so I lost friends that way. One girl I was talking to because I mistook her for someone I knew had her friend egg her on into thinking I was trying to get her. Well I wasn't but I tried anyway until I realized she already had several guys she was orbiting/orbiting her ,couldn't tell. Variations of this one story happen with most hot and popular girls I've tried (I've tried girls of every type out of desperation at this point).
-To all ITers and other nonincels reading this, keep in mind that "desperation" doesn't mean I just want any girl I can find, I still tried to be choosy myself. If it's that "desperate energy" I'm putting off, well, there's reason behind it. I've been shamed by my family and bullied by so-called friends in real life and online over my inceldom. I feel like society has metaphorically raped me but nobody will take me seriously because it's the absence of sex and relationships, not a forced one. Girls see me as a tryhard or poser and the ones who "liked" me (I don't believe it was ever real beyond the first impressions) or as fuckmeat but not really, I'm somewhere between "don't bother" and "toy" on the hot/cute scale girls use on guys.
*First impressions: I'll make another post on that, there are 3 kinds of ways you can fuck that up.
That desperate energy is because I'm ostracized for my failure. I'm not desperate for girls, I'm desperate for social acceptance because I get some and then it's taken away from me. If I act like I have choices when I don't, I get called egotistic thinking I'm better than I am for acting like I have choices. If I act desperate, I'm also bad. Damned no matter damn what, what a Hobson's choice.
It's an excuse to say you shouldn't be desperate because my own self-worth does not match the self-worth society gives me, in short.
Tell people to stop judging you for being sexless and I'll stop being desperate.
Until then, I'm forced to fit this stereotype and gender role.
I'm not sex-starved, I'm angry at the world. Some people here are genuinely sex-starved, I'm not. I want change, not sex. I want people to give weirdos a chance for Pete's sake.
And the idea that you can fake having something to offer needs to be abolished because it's dishonest and on top of that people can see through the lie and judge you even harder if you can't do a good job of it like I couldn't.
If anyone wants to hear more about my stories, I will PM you. I don't feel safe sharing even this post as is, I could be doxxed if someone who knew me well enough recognizes any one of these stories.
