bob-loblaw
dm me if you wanna move to rural montana
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- Joined
- Dec 5, 2020
- Posts
- 58
All i have needed was the warmth of another human body next to me. For years, I have been deprived of the warmth of another human being. Up until now, I have made up the gap with a dense pillow, but pillows are cold and motionless. Fantasy only goes so far, and the pillow can't touch you back. Even hugging family members is brief. My brother hates my guts and treats me like an annoying coworker. My parents and I always get into squabbles over unimportant things. I don't even care for sex -- if I wanted to coom, I would just look at porn like I have for over a decade. What I seek should not be rare -- simple, compassionate, platonic human contact beyond a brief handshakes. I've heard that in developing countries, friends have lots of platonic physical contact -- the type that would raise suspicions of homosexuality in the US.
All i want is someone who will hug me back as hard as I hug them.
Earlier this week i misread some physical signals from a close friend (+roommate) and hugged him for a bit longer and closer than I should have. I thought I had finally found someone who didn't find me absolutely repulsive, and the decade of isolation would finally come to an end. I guess I was wrong, and he must have been really put off by it. Despite living together, we haven't made eye contact in days. He won't even respond to my apology messages. I feel nothing but regret, shame and self-disgust realizing that my complete lack of physical contact broke the floodgates and destroyed one of my only close friendships.
Anyone looking at my life superficially would think things are great. I'll graduate soon with a high GPA and no college debt. I have a well-paying job lined up in a beautiful city.
None of it matters when you know in your heart of hearts that people are repulsed at the very idea of making physical contact with you. None of it matters when the loneliness you hoped would be temporary becomes the status quo, and the world around you gets colder and colder. All of it will fall apart alongside your corrupting sanity as you starve of a basic physiological need.
I commiserate with this anon's post:
"Having sex" isn't enough -- any escortcel can tell you this. There is a deeper human connection that ought to be self-emergent, but has been plastered over with an LCD screens of superficiality. All of the soul -- the singing, joking, playfulness, awkwardness, purity -- of human relationships has been replaced by the most disgusting and vulgar parts.
I'm packing it in for the long haul. Guess I should have just been myself.
All i want is someone who will hug me back as hard as I hug them.
Earlier this week i misread some physical signals from a close friend (+roommate) and hugged him for a bit longer and closer than I should have. I thought I had finally found someone who didn't find me absolutely repulsive, and the decade of isolation would finally come to an end. I guess I was wrong, and he must have been really put off by it. Despite living together, we haven't made eye contact in days. He won't even respond to my apology messages. I feel nothing but regret, shame and self-disgust realizing that my complete lack of physical contact broke the floodgates and destroyed one of my only close friendships.
Anyone looking at my life superficially would think things are great. I'll graduate soon with a high GPA and no college debt. I have a well-paying job lined up in a beautiful city.
None of it matters when you know in your heart of hearts that people are repulsed at the very idea of making physical contact with you. None of it matters when the loneliness you hoped would be temporary becomes the status quo, and the world around you gets colder and colder. All of it will fall apart alongside your corrupting sanity as you starve of a basic physiological need.
I commiserate with this anon's post:
I just wanna be sung to sleep by a foid holy shit
I miss my mom, she would sing me lullaby's and be nice to me i miss my mom so much, why does chad get love after childhood and not me:cryfeels: recently had the thought of being sung to sleep by a foid, holding her and she is humming too, that's something I want, i've been crying myself to sleep...
incels.is
"Having sex" isn't enough -- any escortcel can tell you this. There is a deeper human connection that ought to be self-emergent, but has been plastered over with an LCD screens of superficiality. All of the soul -- the singing, joking, playfulness, awkwardness, purity -- of human relationships has been replaced by the most disgusting and vulgar parts.
I'm packing it in for the long haul. Guess I should have just been myself.