I was in my teens, sitting at home watching TV, and this song came up on the TV. I can never forget it because the words of the chorus were so simple, and watching the video really stuck in my head because it gave me this feeling that everyone else was doing this thing I was missing out on.
That line "its only natural" kept ringing in my head, telling me that this was going on everywhere, I just wasn't quite sure what it was (did not have access to porn videos yet), the video was constructed in such a way that it wasn't in your face obvious what he meant (well to 14 year old me) and just seemed like some weird "artsy" video for "being in love", its really just about fucking. Sex, that's what I was missing out on.
Most of you probably had that moment in your young teens similar to mines, but my FIRST moments were even earlier. I was like 5 or so, maybe slightly older. There was this P.E. teacher at my primary school, daughter was beautiful, he brought her to school that day, she would come every once in a while, she was really tall from my perspective, probably 18 or so when she came.
I remember literally digging around in my yard and found a silver chain and I cleaned it with a toothbrush and soap water and was going to give it to her. I guess at that time that was my concept of "wooing" a woman, probably learned it from TV, you give them gifts. Luckily I was stopped by my sister who bestowed the first black pill I can probably ever remember, told me she wouldn't want that gift, it wasn't worth anything, she wouldn't like me. The younger me was confused because I was thinking - "but I put so much effort into getting this, surely that won't be true" (JFL and the naivety of a blue pilled youth).
Honestly I can't remember whether I took her advice or not, its like a repressed memory. One thing I do remember, on the another occasion she came to school I remember walking into a classroom where no one was around, she was there with like 2 or 3 other guys in her age range, I think I tried to actually tell them off (JFL I was always a brave fucker, those guys were huge to me). She could tell I like her, gave me a pat on the head. I think they were about to "do some stuff" when I look back on it now because I remember one guy holding her butt while the other guy pushed me out of the room and closed the door. They were all laughing and smiling, like I was a joke, bitch probably thought "that was cute".
That was the first moment I got an inkling that there was something older people were doing that I was missing out on, being denied, likely why I haven't and never will forget that moment, it was so significant when I look back on it now. Though older guys like us still get the "pat on the head", just in a different way - "I like you as a friend" or "you're cute but", or sometimes its even just a look. No wonder I'm so filled with rage, anger and distrust for women and humans in general, it has been building in my for more than a decade.
I was basically bathed in black pills in a small time frame, drowned in it. Learning that money matters to women and they want expensive gifts at the age of 5, and in such a significant way, I guess I was lucky I got black pilled early, which is why it hurt less and was much easier to embrace the black pill when I came into understanding of how the world worked, I was already "primed" for it.
I really hope she isn't dead, and I pray that she has aged well, like i've told you guys before I plan on doing some shit soon that is going to make waves. At some point I'm going to "breakaway" from my current crappy life, and I am going to seek her out. I know her fathers name but not her name, I may have to do some digging, maybe go back to my old school and ask for some info. I need to see her one day, to finish this. Its always been something I felt I left "unfinished", I need to complete it.
I do not wish to harm her in any way, I just wish to look upon her and talk to her with true vision, not the being the blind and confused child, but the man who sees her for what she is.
What were your earliest black pill moments?
That line "its only natural" kept ringing in my head, telling me that this was going on everywhere, I just wasn't quite sure what it was (did not have access to porn videos yet), the video was constructed in such a way that it wasn't in your face obvious what he meant (well to 14 year old me) and just seemed like some weird "artsy" video for "being in love", its really just about fucking. Sex, that's what I was missing out on.
Most of you probably had that moment in your young teens similar to mines, but my FIRST moments were even earlier. I was like 5 or so, maybe slightly older. There was this P.E. teacher at my primary school, daughter was beautiful, he brought her to school that day, she would come every once in a while, she was really tall from my perspective, probably 18 or so when she came.
I remember literally digging around in my yard and found a silver chain and I cleaned it with a toothbrush and soap water and was going to give it to her. I guess at that time that was my concept of "wooing" a woman, probably learned it from TV, you give them gifts. Luckily I was stopped by my sister who bestowed the first black pill I can probably ever remember, told me she wouldn't want that gift, it wasn't worth anything, she wouldn't like me. The younger me was confused because I was thinking - "but I put so much effort into getting this, surely that won't be true" (JFL and the naivety of a blue pilled youth).
Honestly I can't remember whether I took her advice or not, its like a repressed memory. One thing I do remember, on the another occasion she came to school I remember walking into a classroom where no one was around, she was there with like 2 or 3 other guys in her age range, I think I tried to actually tell them off (JFL I was always a brave fucker, those guys were huge to me). She could tell I like her, gave me a pat on the head. I think they were about to "do some stuff" when I look back on it now because I remember one guy holding her butt while the other guy pushed me out of the room and closed the door. They were all laughing and smiling, like I was a joke, bitch probably thought "that was cute".
That was the first moment I got an inkling that there was something older people were doing that I was missing out on, being denied, likely why I haven't and never will forget that moment, it was so significant when I look back on it now. Though older guys like us still get the "pat on the head", just in a different way - "I like you as a friend" or "you're cute but", or sometimes its even just a look. No wonder I'm so filled with rage, anger and distrust for women and humans in general, it has been building in my for more than a decade.
I was basically bathed in black pills in a small time frame, drowned in it. Learning that money matters to women and they want expensive gifts at the age of 5, and in such a significant way, I guess I was lucky I got black pilled early, which is why it hurt less and was much easier to embrace the black pill when I came into understanding of how the world worked, I was already "primed" for it.
I really hope she isn't dead, and I pray that she has aged well, like i've told you guys before I plan on doing some shit soon that is going to make waves. At some point I'm going to "breakaway" from my current crappy life, and I am going to seek her out. I know her fathers name but not her name, I may have to do some digging, maybe go back to my old school and ask for some info. I need to see her one day, to finish this. Its always been something I felt I left "unfinished", I need to complete it.
I do not wish to harm her in any way, I just wish to look upon her and talk to her with true vision, not the being the blind and confused child, but the man who sees her for what she is.
What were your earliest black pill moments?
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. Thinking how naive I was, and thinking I could change myself to fit this imaginary vision I had for myself is such potent 
