gymletethnicel
owari da
★★★★★
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2022
- Posts
- 2,913
I will say that I engage in non-suicidal self-harm very often, I'm used to it at this point. When I'm extremely angry over some stupid shit I hit myself, rather than break stuff. I hate myself anyway and see no value in my being, but won't break stuff since it costs money. I used to hit myself as a kid when I would fuck up my CoD matches, worst I've done is break my nose, my hand and also give myself a mild concussion. I've severe anger issues so it's just easy to fuck myself up.
I assume child abuse normalized getting hit for me and I just started hitting myself as a coping mechanism. My father once broke my nose and stabbed me.
One thing that always worsens this is a competitive video game that I just fucking suck extremely hard at. Recently, since a few days ago I started getting back into Osu! after giving up after a few hours. Now I've played a solid bit. More than a day of playtime, but EVERYONE mogs me at this game and this game reminds me how much of a fucking subhuman I am and will always be. Even at these autistic games I can't even be average, I'm bottom of the barrel and grandmothers even mog me at this game.
This of course enrages me and I hit myself when anger overcomes me.
I assume child abuse normalized getting hit for me and I just started hitting myself as a coping mechanism. My father once broke my nose and stabbed me.
One thing that always worsens this is a competitive video game that I just fucking suck extremely hard at. Recently, since a few days ago I started getting back into Osu! after giving up after a few hours. Now I've played a solid bit. More than a day of playtime, but EVERYONE mogs me at this game and this game reminds me how much of a fucking subhuman I am and will always be. Even at these autistic games I can't even be average, I'm bottom of the barrel and grandmothers even mog me at this game.
This of course enrages me and I hit myself when anger overcomes me.
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