I think this was close to 7 years ago. I had known about incels and the blackpill at the time. But I was fighting against it, I was looking up tips on how to attract women and what to improve. But improving my clothes and changing my walk and eye contact didn't seem to help. As an adult Christmas is especially saddening, really let's you know what a loser you are. I think one of the few times I cried as an adult was during the holidays. All that hard work wasn't paying off and I just broke down and cried at night.
Anyway, for years I was trying to improve my way into pussy. And at the time I thought it was pathetic to pay for pussy, I was an incel in denial thinking I was better than my fellow brocels. On Christmas eve my mom gifted me $100. On Christmas morning a spell took ahold of me. I couldn't cope anymore, I had to experience sex. I had never even gone to an escort site before but suddenly I googled escorts in my city. I was scrolling through all these profiles. I don't remember how much of them I messaged but eventually I set up a date with what I thought was a really sexy woman. She gave me her price, I accepted, and she sent me the address. I got there by Uber and messaged her which apartment. She called and told me where it was. She opened the door, and what I saw wasn't the Stacy in the pic but your average Becky. She was a catfish but I couldn't care because I was so reved up to finally experience sex. Plus, she answered the door with see through lingerie on, so seeing an actual nude woman in person was like an out of body experience. She led me to her room. She told me don't be nervous. She was referring to my shaky hands, I have an essential tremors so my hands are always shaking. But they were shaking more because I was so reved up to do this. I told her I'm nervous because it's my first time. She acted shocked and asked if I was being serious, I asked her if she gets a lot of virgins. She solemnly shook her head no. I payed her the requested money.
I was in my briefs and she was rubbing on my dick until it hardened, she pulled out my dick and put a condom on. She began sucking it and it produced a surreal feeling. I could hardly believe an actual woman was sucking my dick. I unironically was going to tell her "I love you," but just held back. Eventually I came from her blowjob. She was surprised and said "damn, you don't want sex?" I said of course I do. See, this was my first time seeing an escort so I didn't know the rules. I had payed for a 30 minute session, so I thought I could do whatever I wanted to and cum as many times as I could in 30 minutes. Doesn't work that way, when you cum most escorts will stop performing. She tells me I have to pay again to fuck. I told her I only got $20, she says she'll take that. So I take a shirt break, she puts a condom on me and sucks me until I get hard, she gets on doggy position but I don't know what to do, plus her pussy stinks so I'm not really in the mood. I get soft, we try again but I couldn't get in again, got soft again.
I truly believe this was the day where my incel subconscious took over and that was my transition day where i began accepting the blackpill. I couldn't improve my way into getting into Becky. I had to pay to get into Becky.
Anyway, for years I was trying to improve my way into pussy. And at the time I thought it was pathetic to pay for pussy, I was an incel in denial thinking I was better than my fellow brocels. On Christmas eve my mom gifted me $100. On Christmas morning a spell took ahold of me. I couldn't cope anymore, I had to experience sex. I had never even gone to an escort site before but suddenly I googled escorts in my city. I was scrolling through all these profiles. I don't remember how much of them I messaged but eventually I set up a date with what I thought was a really sexy woman. She gave me her price, I accepted, and she sent me the address. I got there by Uber and messaged her which apartment. She called and told me where it was. She opened the door, and what I saw wasn't the Stacy in the pic but your average Becky. She was a catfish but I couldn't care because I was so reved up to finally experience sex. Plus, she answered the door with see through lingerie on, so seeing an actual nude woman in person was like an out of body experience. She led me to her room. She told me don't be nervous. She was referring to my shaky hands, I have an essential tremors so my hands are always shaking. But they were shaking more because I was so reved up to do this. I told her I'm nervous because it's my first time. She acted shocked and asked if I was being serious, I asked her if she gets a lot of virgins. She solemnly shook her head no. I payed her the requested money.
I was in my briefs and she was rubbing on my dick until it hardened, she pulled out my dick and put a condom on. She began sucking it and it produced a surreal feeling. I could hardly believe an actual woman was sucking my dick. I unironically was going to tell her "I love you," but just held back. Eventually I came from her blowjob. She was surprised and said "damn, you don't want sex?" I said of course I do. See, this was my first time seeing an escort so I didn't know the rules. I had payed for a 30 minute session, so I thought I could do whatever I wanted to and cum as many times as I could in 30 minutes. Doesn't work that way, when you cum most escorts will stop performing. She tells me I have to pay again to fuck. I told her I only got $20, she says she'll take that. So I take a shirt break, she puts a condom on me and sucks me until I get hard, she gets on doggy position but I don't know what to do, plus her pussy stinks so I'm not really in the mood. I get soft, we try again but I couldn't get in again, got soft again.
I truly believe this was the day where my incel subconscious took over and that was my transition day where i began accepting the blackpill. I couldn't improve my way into getting into Becky. I had to pay to get into Becky.
