The human mind is a funny thing. I can have nightmares about dying in gory and brutal ways, or becoming handicapped, and yet those don't hit as hard for me compared to school/uni and work related nightmares.
They're usually set in the worst two episodes of my academic path - middle school and university. I'm back in those horrible places, knowing I have several years ahead of me to get through. Being back to the onboarding at work and wanting to nope the fuck out the building. Knowing a priori what's about to come and still not having the conditions to truly cheat fate. Sometimes there are alternate outcomes, where I get retained a year because my dumbass colleagues fucked up some group project or presentation, or because I missed a national exam, among other things just to fuck with me.
In some of them I've woken up screaming in agony; one time, I was staying at an inn, there was another person in the room that was witness to this. Another time I woke up screaming "YOU MOTHERFUCKERS" in my native language, because I wanted to ensure I got fired or expelled immediately. Even after waking up, I can't fully contextualize myself due to the shock. It's hard to put into words, my best attempt to describe this is, I temporarily think it's the nights corresponding to the days when those events took place. Even when I turn on the lights, it takes time for me to adjust "oh it's the room where I live in current year, not the room I lived in when THAT happened".
I rarely have nightmares related to lack of success with women, and I think it's because I was never stuck with them for a sufficiently long period of time (because they wanted nothing to do with me).
Looking back, I made a good decision not enlisting in the army, because that would've traumatized me further.
Anyone else have this?
They're usually set in the worst two episodes of my academic path - middle school and university. I'm back in those horrible places, knowing I have several years ahead of me to get through. Being back to the onboarding at work and wanting to nope the fuck out the building. Knowing a priori what's about to come and still not having the conditions to truly cheat fate. Sometimes there are alternate outcomes, where I get retained a year because my dumbass colleagues fucked up some group project or presentation, or because I missed a national exam, among other things just to fuck with me.
In some of them I've woken up screaming in agony; one time, I was staying at an inn, there was another person in the room that was witness to this. Another time I woke up screaming "YOU MOTHERFUCKERS" in my native language, because I wanted to ensure I got fired or expelled immediately. Even after waking up, I can't fully contextualize myself due to the shock. It's hard to put into words, my best attempt to describe this is, I temporarily think it's the nights corresponding to the days when those events took place. Even when I turn on the lights, it takes time for me to adjust "oh it's the room where I live in current year, not the room I lived in when THAT happened".
I rarely have nightmares related to lack of success with women, and I think it's because I was never stuck with them for a sufficiently long period of time (because they wanted nothing to do with me).
Looking back, I made a good decision not enlisting in the army, because that would've traumatized me further.
Anyone else have this?
