I used to get bullied in school it was stuff like getting locked up beaten threatened to be beaten while being naked Being Framed for stuff that I didn't even do you know the usual stuff
and as a kid, I would go back to my parents and cry about it and their response was always "Just get better than them "
and as a kid, I believed it
so I tried my best I learned Arabic from TV and read many nonfiction and fictional books
signed up for piano lessons and etc...
I did everything to get better but the bullying got worse to be honest I think I deserved it because I was acting super autistic and wasn't great at socializing
since the physical bullying started getting out of hand I signed up for martial arts classes and I got physically fit it did help stop the physical bullying but the emotional bullying continued
during this time I genuinely couldn't care less about girls
I thought if I could be more capable then I would become happy I was always like oh if I learned one more language then I would be popular oh let's get into art how about photography that would surely make me popular There's just nothing cooler than martial arts getting into that would surely make me look cool
and it finally hit me when I got close to getting into the national biology Olympiad team selection but did not make it at the end
I was 17 at this point
I had gotten everything that I wanted people admired me and thought of me as a capable person and the bullying stopped
but I wasn't happy at all the adoration and praises felt meaningless, what the hell was I chasing all this time I asked myself
naturally, I moved to the next goal I was yeah I should just find somebody who would love me for who I am
but here's the thing women don't find me attractive I am ugly and not that tall ( around 5.9) I was so isolated as a kid that I am extremely socially inept I have had a female friend tell me that I'm ugly and in many instances, I can feel that women are disgusted by me
I do take showers and exercise I think it is just my autistic Behavior combined with an ugly face and being extremely nerdy should I just give up on girls
I tried to get into religion when I was 15 or 16 it literally had the opposite effect and made me less religious
the long years of isolation have made me a Madman I can see that my opinions and beliefs are getting more and more absurd as the years pass me by
I am going to turn 19 soon and people are starting to judge me for my lack of experience when it comes to dating
I want to change and be happy but I can't
I do not know what to do now that neither religion nor work can bring me happiness and no sane girl would like me
what is even left to do
I can continue taking antidepressants and dedicate my whole life to science or something like that or I can just become a Menace to Society or a domestic terrorist
Ithanks for reading all the text and also sorry for my lack of English it is not my first language I'm so sorry if my post made you uncomfortable or was nonsensical
is it over for me guys ? is there anything else I can do ? how do I cope ? I'm new to the movement so I don't really know
and as a kid, I would go back to my parents and cry about it and their response was always "Just get better than them "
and as a kid, I believed it
so I tried my best I learned Arabic from TV and read many nonfiction and fictional books
signed up for piano lessons and etc...
I did everything to get better but the bullying got worse to be honest I think I deserved it because I was acting super autistic and wasn't great at socializing
since the physical bullying started getting out of hand I signed up for martial arts classes and I got physically fit it did help stop the physical bullying but the emotional bullying continued
during this time I genuinely couldn't care less about girls
I thought if I could be more capable then I would become happy I was always like oh if I learned one more language then I would be popular oh let's get into art how about photography that would surely make me popular There's just nothing cooler than martial arts getting into that would surely make me look cool
and it finally hit me when I got close to getting into the national biology Olympiad team selection but did not make it at the end
I was 17 at this point
I had gotten everything that I wanted people admired me and thought of me as a capable person and the bullying stopped
but I wasn't happy at all the adoration and praises felt meaningless, what the hell was I chasing all this time I asked myself
naturally, I moved to the next goal I was yeah I should just find somebody who would love me for who I am
but here's the thing women don't find me attractive I am ugly and not that tall ( around 5.9) I was so isolated as a kid that I am extremely socially inept I have had a female friend tell me that I'm ugly and in many instances, I can feel that women are disgusted by me
I do take showers and exercise I think it is just my autistic Behavior combined with an ugly face and being extremely nerdy should I just give up on girls
I tried to get into religion when I was 15 or 16 it literally had the opposite effect and made me less religious
the long years of isolation have made me a Madman I can see that my opinions and beliefs are getting more and more absurd as the years pass me by
I am going to turn 19 soon and people are starting to judge me for my lack of experience when it comes to dating
I want to change and be happy but I can't
I do not know what to do now that neither religion nor work can bring me happiness and no sane girl would like me
what is even left to do
I can continue taking antidepressants and dedicate my whole life to science or something like that or I can just become a Menace to Society or a domestic terrorist
Ithanks for reading all the text and also sorry for my lack of English it is not my first language I'm so sorry if my post made you uncomfortable or was nonsensical
is it over for me guys ? is there anything else I can do ? how do I cope ? I'm new to the movement so I don't really know
