Why some men don't get laid
I'm sick to death of hearing men complain to me that they can't get laid no matter how hard they try. Because here's a fact: surely if you're a vibrant heterosexual you should know by know that women these days have equally raging sex drives. And many of them want nothing more than a warm body...
This was published 12 years ago
Why some men don't get laid
October 28, 2010 — 2.43pmI'm sick to death of hearing men complain to me that they can't get laid no matter how hard they try. Because here's a fact: surely if you're a vibrant heterosexual you should know by know that women these days have equally raging sex drives. And many of them want nothing more than a warm body to snuggle up to at night (or during their lunch break) … as long he calls (or heck, even texts!) the next day. So in light of stopping all the whiny, misogynistic comments I continually seem to hear from men who just can't seem to get laid no matter what drastic measures they take, here are my top 10 reasons why the women are running from your naked bodies. Don't say I didn't warn you …
1) You're desperate and always looking to get laid.
No sex
Women know these men well. There's no conversation, witty banter or any real attempt to get to know her. Instead these men go straight for the kill: they need sex, they need it now and since a woman has got two legs in a miniskirt, they surmise she'll be up for it. So why not ask? Yikes.
Ask Sam reader Csilla says: "One of the guys I dated asked me how often do I like having sex … on the second date! It was a big turn-off even if he had all the ticks and he was good looking. He got nothing."
We all know dudes want it and will do/say/buy anything to get it as quickly and cheaply as possible. Hence it's our job to deflect their advances long enough to get them to respect and like us for more than just our genitals. So just be a little patient, put in a little effort and you might just start to see some results ...
2) You're really scared of rejection, so even if the chance comes up, you find ways to avoid it.
Women often ask me why a man (whom she actually likes and wants to bonk) doesn't call, ask her out or attempt to get her in the sack. I always tell these women that men have one innate, overriding fear when it comes to the opposite sex: the fear of rejection. Men aren't as insensitive as we once thought. Not to mention the fact that, if a woman rejects him, she usually does it to his face, on the phone or in front of his mates. But here's a tip for the gents: if a woman isn't showing you the signs, how about actually trying to listen to what she has to say? How about being polite and actually offering to get to know her by taking her to dinner, or lunch, or for a damn orange juice on the beach?
We're much simpler creatures than you might think, but all the game-playing and skirting around the issue that you might actually like us makes us want to give up on you altogether (let alone sleep with you!) and to find someone else who actually dares to tell us they're into us ...
3) You're scared of your performance
So, rather than let a girl down, you simply avoid the act altogether? Well here's a newsflash: we don't actually give a toss about your size, your girth or your love-making style. Yep, it's a pity these dudes missed the memo we sent out which says none of it really matters, as long as you are willing to learn. If you're romantic, kind and generous the rest of the time when you're not in the horizontal position, we're willing to overlook your size. Seriously.
4) The Drought
Here's the trouble: low confidence leads to getting into a drought where you haven't got laid in a long time. One gent Dan, who is now experiencing such a drought, says: "This fuels bad thoughts in a man's head and he will continue to go on a downward spiral and make it harder for him to get out." The best way to get out? Dan says sometimes all you need to do is "bang a chick below your normal standards so you can get it out of your system and start climbing back up". Right.
5) Lack of confidence:
"Men need confidence and can't be scared of being cocky around women," says serial bonker James. "If you are self-conscious it will be incredibly hard to get a girl. In fact 'picking up' is wrong. They will be amazed at you and more crazy when you act like a mega star. Like you have heaps of women chasing you."
6) You think one-night stands are overrated:
Not exactly a bad quality either. But in a world in which casual sex is served up on the menu like a cheap dessert (even by the classiest of girls), women these days at least expect a man to try. And if he's constantly dissing every woman out there because he's "looking for a long-term commitment", then he might very well never find it. Being open to wherever the night might take you is key to getting laid, and, as I'm so often told through this column, sometimes the best relationships actually stem from a one-night stand!
7) You are looking in the wrong places
One Lothario named Shawn, advises: "Location location location! Bars and clubs are a waste of time! They should be spending their time around shopping centres, supermarkets, coffee shops, house parties, concerts, gyms and outdoor exercise parks. This immediately creates a common goal for both parties! Girls KNOW that guys are in clubs to pick them up like a pack of hungry wolves on the prowl but don't expect to be hit on in the above scenarios (element of surprise)."
8) You have BO, bad breath or some other "bad" smell emanating from your body
Dating guru Nige 54, (who is renowned for being a ladies man), says that if you are getting rejected after the kissing stage ... "then you need to have a serious think about yourself, your kissing or maybe your body odour".
9) You expect her to pay for everything
I'm not saying that women are cheap - I'm saying that women like a man who is generous when it comes to his attempt to woo her. Paying on the first date (that doesn't include just paying for your meal either) shows a woman that you respect her enough to want to show her that you want to take care of her. If you can't afford a nice dinner, trust me when I say that most of us aren't that fussy. As long as you take the initiative and make it romantic enough (a picnic in the park does wonders!) then we'll think you're a little more sincere than a dude who doesn't bother.
10) You have ridiculously high expectations
We don't all look like Gisele Bundchen and aren't all built like Heidi Klum. So if you expect yourself to date only supermodels or porn stars, you're never going to get laid. Add to the fact that men always tell me that the hottest girls are the worst in bed (many feel like they don't need to make much effort) and you're far better off giving the rest of the female population a chance. Get to know the other 99 per cent of women and you might be pleasantly surprised!
i wish i could unread
