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Venting Why I Hate the New Napoleon Movie

CircumcisedClown

CircumcisedClown

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Joaquin Phoenix Napoleon GIF by Sony Pictures


I like Joaquin Pheonix, but he’s not a good cast for Napoleon. Firstly, Napoleon was a young leader. He wasn’t anywhere close to Joaquin’s age until he was exiled. Napoleon’s rise to fame started in his 20s, and he was ruling France by 30.

Also, yes, Napoleon wasn’t actually short for his time/region, but I would have preferred a true 5’5” actor. Pheonix isn’t tall (5’8”), but Hollywood hates making gigamanlets the hero of stories. It seems like a big letdown for a historical figure that’s so well known for his height (even if he wasn’t technically short).

Wolverine GIF


Like Hugh Jackman (6’2”) getting cast as Wolverine despite Wolverine being canonically like 5’3”, because you can’t let a short guy be the hero.

David Pamela Chougne GIF


Centuries of your name being synonymous with size compensation and a height complex, and they cast an old, normie-height dude to play you.


11495852-600x450.jpg


Reminder that Napoleon’s penis was sealed and placed in a museum so that women could laugh at how small it was even centuries after his death. Also remember that his lover secretly admitted that she was disgusted by him in her diary which was discovered after her death.

Season 7 Episode 24 GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants


History is unkind to manlets.
 
war & peace napoleon GIF by BBC First Australia


@Napoleon de Geso @napoleoncomplex
 
Imagine your only legacy is being remembered as an angry manlet. Is there any fate worse than that?
 
Imagine your only legacy is being remembered as an angry manlet. Is there any fate worse than that?
Sounds like cope but couldn't care less what normies think of anything, all retarded sheep.
It's just like normies to think of napoleon as an angry midget, no surprise there
 
what kind of monster would chop off a dead man's cock :feelswhat:
besides it's only 1,5 inches long :feelsohgod: did it shrink because it didn't have any blood flow in two centuries? because it just doesn't make sense
 
what kind of monster would chop off a dead man's cock :feelswhat:
drop dead gorgeous guys GIF by Warner Archive


Supposedly it was the man who handled his autopsy. Old musuem artifacts like that can have questionable histories.
besides it's only 1,5 inches long :feelsohgod: did it shrink because it didn't have any blood flow in two centuries? because it just doesn't make sense
Don’t know, but Napoleon was notably not well-endowed. He’s the opposite of tallfag Rasputin.
 

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