H
I'm socially retarded. Conversations are tenfolds worse than math for me. I try to interact with people, but always do something wrong which annoys people. People then give me weird looks or belittle and berate me, bully me or infantilize me.
why cant people just be kind to me, see that I'm putting in effort talking to them. This and that person is offended because you said a word with the wrong tone, or you looked the wrong way, or you speak to fast, speak to slow, blink to much, smile too little ,talk too loud, said that thing which is awkward.
It's always me who's blamed. If I keep to myself I'm anti-social, If I try to socialize I'm doing too much, or being annoying. They also talk about how you have to reach out first. Nobody has reached out to me. Even other losers have had people reach out to them, especially foids. These foids have the persoynality of a fucking brick wall, still I'm the weird one. I once reached out to a brick wall loser. I had too carry every conversation. Same with a foid, who could barely mutter a fucking word. Still this fucking foid got attention, despite being super shy and not very sociable. Normgroids always tell you that you have to show you're open and shit, but fucking boring ass foids and normgroid losers even got me to reach out. Nobody would ever do that to me. its so fucking unfair. others can do everything wrong and still get shit. "But oh looks don't matter" FUCK YOU FAGGOT.
I have a billion other thoughts on my mind but am too tired to even bother writing anything more, or trying to write coherently. I can't think clearly, a similar feeling to when I'm drunk (though I haven't had any alchohol.) I just feel so hopeless. Not only can't I get pussy, which is suifuel enough, I can't have friends. I don't have anything else to live for either - I don't give a fuck about my copes; I try do have "hobbies", but I now realize I only have them to try to make myself more interesting but it doesn't matter a single shit. ON top op this we have all these mundane or fucking stressful duties we have to do which does not make life more enjoyable. The one thing I can be happy for is that I'm living comfortably at least, which is lifefuel but not enough.
I wish I could gather the courage to kill myself already, but im still a pussy when it comes to dying. Despite this, I've set a deadline of roping within 2030. Hopefully I'll rope before that - If I'm lucky Ill end it at the end of this or the next year.
THat's it for my retarded rant.
why cant people just be kind to me, see that I'm putting in effort talking to them. This and that person is offended because you said a word with the wrong tone, or you looked the wrong way, or you speak to fast, speak to slow, blink to much, smile too little ,talk too loud, said that thing which is awkward.
It's always me who's blamed. If I keep to myself I'm anti-social, If I try to socialize I'm doing too much, or being annoying. They also talk about how you have to reach out first. Nobody has reached out to me. Even other losers have had people reach out to them, especially foids. These foids have the persoynality of a fucking brick wall, still I'm the weird one. I once reached out to a brick wall loser. I had too carry every conversation. Same with a foid, who could barely mutter a fucking word. Still this fucking foid got attention, despite being super shy and not very sociable. Normgroids always tell you that you have to show you're open and shit, but fucking boring ass foids and normgroid losers even got me to reach out. Nobody would ever do that to me. its so fucking unfair. others can do everything wrong and still get shit. "But oh looks don't matter" FUCK YOU FAGGOT.
I have a billion other thoughts on my mind but am too tired to even bother writing anything more, or trying to write coherently. I can't think clearly, a similar feeling to when I'm drunk (though I haven't had any alchohol.) I just feel so hopeless. Not only can't I get pussy, which is suifuel enough, I can't have friends. I don't have anything else to live for either - I don't give a fuck about my copes; I try do have "hobbies", but I now realize I only have them to try to make myself more interesting but it doesn't matter a single shit. ON top op this we have all these mundane or fucking stressful duties we have to do which does not make life more enjoyable. The one thing I can be happy for is that I'm living comfortably at least, which is lifefuel but not enough.
I wish I could gather the courage to kill myself already, but im still a pussy when it comes to dying. Despite this, I've set a deadline of roping within 2030. Hopefully I'll rope before that - If I'm lucky Ill end it at the end of this or the next year.
THat's it for my retarded rant.
