throughout middle school i didn’t have friends and got bullied for being autistic, being chubby, whatever they thought of and i didn’t really have any real friends to hang out with, im sure most of you went through the same.
around the age of 13 or so i started getting into heavy metal music which started when i saw a video posted online of a mosh pit for the first time at a judas priest concert and i liked how everyone was focused on the joy and the adrenaline instead of each other and i thought that was a place i wanted to be a part of, so i started joining in.
throughout my teenage years i’d wear all black and chains, i got my eyebrow pierced and i would spend any money i had on concert tickets and would go to them alone, hoping to meet some people. it was good for awhile, i would chat with people at the shows and have a good time getting my shit handed to me, but it didn’t last that long once i started realizing that even there i didn’t feel at home either. even though i would talk to people none of them ever became real friends and i would never see them again, it felt like i was just putting on a disguise for the people there.
now that im older (im in my 20s) i took out my piercings and started dressing for comfort instead of the style, and its like i just completely vanished from everyone’s line of sight
even today im still a little bit chubby and i think that didn’t help at all, because instead of being “cool” i was just some random guy at the shows and people wouldn’t strike a conversation with me anymore because there was nothing about me that stood out to talk about. the last show i went to, i tried to strike a conversation with a group of people (two girls, three dudes) and one of the guys immediately stood in front of who i assume was his girlfriend like i was tryna take a shot at her and all of them just looked like they wanted me to leave.
idk what the point of this point is. why is our entire society run by looks? i was dumb to think mutual interest was good enough, i still enjoy the music but i haven’t even bothered to go to a show in months because i know i’ll just be alone the whole time and i don’t have any friends to take with me.
around the age of 13 or so i started getting into heavy metal music which started when i saw a video posted online of a mosh pit for the first time at a judas priest concert and i liked how everyone was focused on the joy and the adrenaline instead of each other and i thought that was a place i wanted to be a part of, so i started joining in.
throughout my teenage years i’d wear all black and chains, i got my eyebrow pierced and i would spend any money i had on concert tickets and would go to them alone, hoping to meet some people. it was good for awhile, i would chat with people at the shows and have a good time getting my shit handed to me, but it didn’t last that long once i started realizing that even there i didn’t feel at home either. even though i would talk to people none of them ever became real friends and i would never see them again, it felt like i was just putting on a disguise for the people there.
now that im older (im in my 20s) i took out my piercings and started dressing for comfort instead of the style, and its like i just completely vanished from everyone’s line of sight
even today im still a little bit chubby and i think that didn’t help at all, because instead of being “cool” i was just some random guy at the shows and people wouldn’t strike a conversation with me anymore because there was nothing about me that stood out to talk about. the last show i went to, i tried to strike a conversation with a group of people (two girls, three dudes) and one of the guys immediately stood in front of who i assume was his girlfriend like i was tryna take a shot at her and all of them just looked like they wanted me to leave.
idk what the point of this point is. why is our entire society run by looks? i was dumb to think mutual interest was good enough, i still enjoy the music but i haven’t even bothered to go to a show in months because i know i’ll just be alone the whole time and i don’t have any friends to take with me.
