Somewhere along the line I made a mistake in my social development which caused a domino effect series of events which led to me being a 20 year old virgin incel. I've said on here before that I'm 5'11 which imo is short but a lot of people here seem to think it's tall despite the fact a lot of females I see in public are taller than me, much to my chagrin. I'm also average in terms of looks so that can't be it either, at least not entirely. However, I am certain that my ADHD and Autism played a significant part in stunting my social development alongside my parents closed minded and overprotective nature. (fuck those pos!) In terms of socialization I was decent with my peers until the age of 12. That's when it started to go downhill for me. After that I couldn't grow my social skills anymore and I just kept to myself and only really spoke to the other nerds. Years passed and my old highschool actually closed at the end of my 9th grade year. My previous two years there were already marred by ostracization and bullying, so the school closing was just the final nail in the coffin. I was homeschooled my 10th grade year so females in my class were out of the question at that point. Because of my ADHD and Autism, my parents had (still have) this belief that I'm some drooling low spec retard who can't think for myself or do anything right. And because of those ludicrous beliefs, they forbid from driving my late 9th grade year and the entirety of my remaining years as well. This only doomed me even further. 11th grade year, I attended a new school with other people, but I was still screwed for 2 reasons. 1: I didn't know these people and so I didn't have the years of previous interaction with them like I did the people at my old school. 2: Even ignoring the first fact and simply talking to them as if we're lifelong pals or some shit, their social skills are light-years beyond mine so it would be the equivalent of a dyslexic man trying to read Russian. So 11th grade came and went. Yet another burning failure, but this time it was even more painful because some of the people there have had sex before and I overheard some of their conversations about their experiences. Oh and Covid happened so that also ruined the remainder of my 11th grade year. 12th grade, my final and quite possibly most painful year of highschool. During this time, late 2020 to be exact, COVID was still in full swing, so masks and social distancing was mandatory. My already terrible situation had even more fuel added to it by the pandemic. It started with 9th grade being a pile of shit, 10th grade was essentially nonexistent, 11th grade was bad enough then COVID came in, worsened it even further, and to top it all off, 12th grade was dead on arrival. I did get to go to prom, but even that was nerfed to shit by the damn COVID rules. It's funny too, in a painful way. I thought that years before I went to prom for real, that it would be just like it was in those movies like American Pie, Blockers, and Superbad too. Not even just prom, I thought as a young teen (13-14) my highschool experience in it's entirety would be like those movies from glorious start to climactic (no pun intended) finale. Maybe that's what it was like for my alternate universe Chad self, but not this universes iteration of me. And of course, my Chad classmates went to college months after graduation. Meanwhile I'm stuck working a dead end retail job and I'll be lucky if I get accepted to college by the fall semester of next year. (Deep Sigh) Whatever happened to the carefree boy I used to be? The one who didn't care about anything except the next time he could play his games or watch his favorite shows. That boy has been gone for quite some time I'm afraid, and in his place resides someone he would consider an evil person. I'm sorry younger me, I failed you.
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