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Serious When Was The First Time You Thought About Killing Yourself?

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lifeisfucked215

lifeisfucked215

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First time I thought about it I actually was close to doing it. I was 12 years old, it was super late at night and I went into the kitchen grabbed the biggest knife I could find and put it to my wrist. I stood there for maybe 5 minutes before I chickened out and put the knife away. Turned on my xbox and just played video games for the rest of the night. (All of this in videogame ofc)

The next time was when I was 15. I was in San Francisco and my family had got a super cool room with a big balcony (it was actually a presidential suite). Man that room was so cool. Anyways it was very close to the top story overlooking union square. Couldn't sleep and was feeling very sad. I remember going out to the balcony and looking down thinking I should do it. I started thinking about how my family and mom would react so I didn't do it and went to bed. (All of this in videogame ofc)

Then at 19, during the middle of my shift at work, it was a fucking hectic day at work. I thought about how shitty my life was and how fucked up my job was. I just thought to myself if I had a gun I would blow my brains out. (All of this in videogame ofc)

I'm good now I haven't thought about anything like that seriously for a little bit. Yes there's days I'll feel shitty but not to the point like the days listed above. (All of this in videogame ofc)
 
Never. I live to spite normies.
 
when i was in 5th grade
 
Never really a specific date or instance, just feelings of rage or sadness that come over me as I think about pulling the plug with a gun or a knife. I just want the pain to end or to find some purpose in my life.
 
I always hated my life and at moments it would so unbearable that i would break down. But never actually tried to kill myself. I always feared death, up until a year or so back. Theres nothing anymore that i would miss from this life and now i wish i was dead, i still feel anxious about it but dont fear it anymore. Yet still i cant kill myself.
 
First time I thought about it I actually was close to doing it. I was 12 years old, it was super late at night and I went into the kitchen grabbed the biggest knife I could find and put it to my wrist. I stood there for maybe 5 minutes before I chickened out and put the knife away. Turned on my xbox and just played video games for the rest of the night. (All of this in videogame ofc)

The next time was when I was 15. I was in San Francisco and my family had got a super cool room with a big balcony (it was actually a presidential suite). Man that room was so cool. Anyways it was very close to the top story overlooking union square. Couldn't sleep and was feeling very sad. I remember going out to the balcony and looking down thinking I should do it. I started thinking about how my family and mom would react so I didn't do it and went to bed. (All of this in videogame ofc)

Then at 19, during the middle of my shift at work, it was a fucking hectic day at work. I thought about how shitty my life was and how fucked up my job was. I just thought to myself if I had a gun I would blow my brains out. (All of this in videogame ofc)

I'm good now I haven't thought about anything like that seriously for a little bit. Yes there's days I'll feel shitty but not to the point like the days listed above. (All of this in videogame ofc)
When I was 12, around the same time I started watching anime and realised how much of a loser I was.
 
Today. Dead serious. And again, I reminded myself that I need to live long enough for the thing to happen.
 
Probably around 21-22.

I mean I always considered it, even since I was 10 years old. But never seriously, not like now.
 
I was incredibly young, around 11 or 10 or so.
 
15, didn't realise how much life was fucked before then
 
When I was 12, around the same time I started watching anime and realised how much of a loser I was.
Wtf, u get blackpilled at such a young age.
 
14, but didn't get serious until 18
 
I thought about suicide even as a young child, maybe at like 5-6 years old. I remember lying on the floor and watching the clock as I was trying to hold my breath, hoping that it would cause me to die. Not exactly sure why I was depressed as a child, maybe because of my fucked up family
 
in my teens, i think about suicide alot. i still think about it daily
 
being suicidal at just 12 years old is fucking crazy man
 
I started having suicidal thoughts at 16. I still do now
 
6th grade. When I realized I had the smallest dick during the group shower in gym class
 
Felt like dying a few times when I was about 11, but I didn't seriously consider it till about 16.
 
i drafted a gay suicide note when i was like 15 during covid lockdown
 
When I was 8; throughout my teens I thought I would do it before turning 20. I'm past that age now, since I realized killing yourself is gay (unironically).
 
11 years old.
 
At the age of 16, when I fully realised that I am a genetic failure who will never go anywhere in life and will suffer forever
 
I don't think I TRULY ever had suicidal thoughts in my life, i do think about killing myself so so many times, around 10 im pretty sure when that started, but it was never to the point where I was genuinely at the "tip" and a small nudge is all that was needed to make me really kill myself. It was mostly self-deprecation more than anything.
 
Probably middle school sometime.
 
WHen I was was about to down a gallon of bleach down my throat when i was younger I only ended up drinking a little and had to wash brush my teeth out tasted fucking horrible I was willing to die so bad locked the bathroom was willing to end it all sucks i didn't go through with it I never will do i t again was alful.
 
Around the time when my father died, that was back when I was 12 years old. From there on out, it only got worse. I fell into many relapses of depression and the social isolation in school didn't help matters either. My middle school years were the worst tho and I was as insecure as you could get - very angry and sensitive and shit, I wanted to fight a lot, even tho I'd easily get my ass kicked (I was skinny asf / small... still am tbh). Tho, I never attempted any suicide at any point, but more-so just didn't eat or go outside like I had used to.
 
Middle school, probably 6th grade. I had a particularly rough week at a school.

I was in the car with my parents, out of the city. And I began to think what it would be like if we were to die in a car accident. I didn't necessarily want to die. But if I were to die, I would have been totally fine with it.

This is how I often gauge my mental state. There can be 3 states imo:

1. I don't want to die. This is when you feel like life is worth living, and you probably have some good things going for you, some strong copes.
2. I am indifferent to dying. This is when bad things are happening to you at once and you no longer have good copes.
3. I want to die. This is when start thinking about killing yourself.

I have never reached state no. 3, but I have been at 2 several times. I don't know what will happen when I reach the last state.
 
Middle school, probably 6th grade. I had a particularly rough week at a school.

I was in the car with my parents, out of the city. And I began to think what it would be like if we were to die in a car accident. I didn't necessarily want to die. But if I were to die, I would have been totally fine with it.

This is how I often gauge my mental state. There can be 3 states imo:

1. I don't want to die. This is when you feel like life is worth living, and you probably have some good things going for you, some strong copes.
2. I am indifferent to dying. This is when bad things are happening to you at once and you no longer have good copes.
3. I want to die. This is when start thinking about killing yourself.

I have never reached state no. 3, but I have been at 2 several times. I don't know what will happen when I reach the last state.
I'm at number 2 right now (in videogame ofc)
But then again I will eventually die one day so just let life take it's course :feelsugh:
 
I've had several vividly descriptive lucid dreams about near death experiences. They felt way too life like for my own comfort. Maybe it's my genetics telling me I'm a deadend.
 
Definitively 15, but maybe somewhat before then, I'm not sure
 
6 or 7 I think, early internet and Early Porn Introduction fucked and fried up my brain.
 
6 or 7 I think, early internet and Early Porn Introduction fucked and fried up my brain.
Kind of unrealistic, probably, I think but I started to jack off to niche stuff when I was around 8, so it's probably not far off where I considered slashing my throat open
 
When I was 13 or 14
 
13 but started getting bad at 15
 
Since I was about 8/9
 
11, almost 12 years old.

6th grade was the 1st year where I felt things were changing. I used to be the somewhat popular smartest kid in class. Looks were taking over, and I was falling behind socially. I still was getting Straight A's with no effort. Everything felt pointless.

Little did I know that was only the start and it would get much worse next year... and now 30 years later. I'm alone. Because I'm ugly.
 
when I was like 18 idk I didnt think of it before
 
15 was when I realised roping was an option
 
12. Screamed at the whole day by my parents because we were homeschooling and I couldn’t understand jack shit. Felt worthless.
 
16

My life quicky went downhill at that point. It has only gotten worse.
 
First time I thought about it I actually was close to doing it. I was 12 years old, it was super late at night and I went into the kitchen grabbed the biggest knife I could find and put it to my wrist. I stood there for maybe 5 minutes before I chickened out and put the knife away. Turned on my xbox and just played video games for the rest of the night. (All of this in videogame ofc)

The next time was when I was 15. I was in San Francisco and my family had got a super cool room with a big balcony (it was actually a presidential suite). Man that room was so cool. Anyways it was very close to the top story overlooking union square. Couldn't sleep and was feeling very sad. I remember going out to the balcony and looking down thinking I should do it. I started thinking about how my family and mom would react so I didn't do it and went to bed. (All of this in videogame ofc)

Then at 19, during the middle of my shift at work, it was a fucking hectic day at work. I thought about how shitty my life was and how fucked up my job was. I just thought to myself if I had a gun I would blow my brains out. (All of this in videogame ofc)

I'm good now I haven't thought about anything like that seriously for a little bit. Yes there's days I'll feel shitty but not to the point like the days listed above. (All of this in videogame ofc)
Sometimes last year tbh
 
Age 12 or 13, in videogame
 
First time I thought about it I actually was close to doing it. I was 12 years old, it was super late at night and I went into the kitchen grabbed the biggest knife I could find and put it to my wrist. I stood there for maybe 5 minutes before I chickened out and put the knife away. Turned on my xbox and just played video games for the rest of the night. (All of this in videogame ofc)

The next time was when I was 15. I was in San Francisco and my family had got a super cool room with a big balcony (it was actually a presidential suite). Man that room was so cool. Anyways it was very close to the top story overlooking union square. Couldn't sleep and was feeling very sad. I remember going out to the balcony and looking down thinking I should do it. I started thinking about how my family and mom would react so I didn't do it and went to bed. (All of this in videogame ofc)

Then at 19, during the middle of my shift at work, it was a fucking hectic day at work. I thought about how shitty my life was and how fucked up my job was. I just thought to myself if I had a gun I would blow my brains out. (All of this in videogame ofc)

I'm good now I haven't thought about anything like that seriously for a little bit. Yes there's days I'll feel shitty but not to the point like the days listed above. (All of this in videogame ofc)
my dad went to princeton so every day I dreamed of walking in his footsteps for my undergrad, sophomore year of highschool i realized i was a lazy faggot who ruined my gpa and future, since then i fantasize about it most days
 
When i was 15 i had that first thought because i noticed my mental health slowly decline

Started to have an existential crisis of some sort and i still often think about the meaning of this existence or who im supposed to be because i don't have this pre programmed mind state where i know who i am and what should i do, its just an endless cycle of misery
 
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my dad went to princeton so every day I dreamed of walking in his footsteps for my undergrad, sophomore year of highschool i realized i was a lazy faggot who ruined my gpa and future, since then i fantasize about it most days
Luckily my dad is a retard also so I don't have to deal with following in his footsteps shit Ask your dad about getting you into elite college tho. I'm sure he knows someone
 
Luckily my dad is a retard also so I don't have to deal with following in his footsteps shit Ask your dad about getting you into elite college tho. I'm sure he knows someone
i am attending a mid state school unfortunately
 
I first has suicidal ideation when I was 9 from being bullied, my first serious attempt was when I was 14 and overdosed on all my antidepressants
 
First time I thought about it I actually was close to doing it. I was 12 years old, it was super late at night and I went into the kitchen grabbed the biggest knife I could find and put it to my wrist. I stood there for maybe 5 minutes before I chickened out and put the knife away. Turned on my xbox and just played video games for the rest of the night. (All of this in videogame ofc)

The next time was when I was 15. I was in San Francisco and my family had got a super cool room with a big balcony (it was actually a presidential suite). Man that room was so cool. Anyways it was very close to the top story overlooking union square. Couldn't sleep and was feeling very sad. I remember going out to the balcony and looking down thinking I should do it. I started thinking about how my family and mom would react so I didn't do it and went to bed. (All of this in videogame ofc)

Then at 19, during the middle of my shift at work, it was a fucking hectic day at work. I thought about how shitty my life was and how fucked up my job was. I just thought to myself if I had a gun I would blow my brains out. (All of this in videogame ofc)

I'm good now I haven't thought about anything like that seriously for a little bit. Yes there's days I'll feel shitty but not to the point like the days listed above. (All of this in videogame ofc)
as early as 8 years old and during church too
 

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