For me the earliest daydreams involved traveling to another world with a girl, basically getting isekai'd, but this was prior to me becoming a weeb. I recall believing that if I could escape this world, that a girl would accept me, as there would be no other boys around who she'd otherwise prefer. Tbh I must have internalized the bullying even then, as I wasn't consciously blackpilled as a kid. Possibly the reason why the fantasy involved escape was because I also used to think about running away a lot, I mean I guess you could say I even did, but really I never went far, I'd just go off into the forest for a day or something.
Once I got a bit older my daydreams changed a bit. Since my mid-late teens I've felt that what I really wanted to do was experience life with her for a relatively short time, maybe spend a few years together, and then we could die together happily. That's something I thought about a lot, killing myself with my proto-waifu. I guess it's still a sort of an escape, but the manner varied. However it's not that I didn't want to live with her, it's just that I'd prefer a short time of happiness, to a longer period which is less satisfying. That and the fact that we're all going to die anyway.
Eventually I began tulpamaxxing, which helped me a lot. But that's really worthy of it's own thread, maybe I'll make a highly detailed one sometime, it's just hard to adequately explain my thoughts.
Once I got a bit older my daydreams changed a bit. Since my mid-late teens I've felt that what I really wanted to do was experience life with her for a relatively short time, maybe spend a few years together, and then we could die together happily. That's something I thought about a lot, killing myself with my proto-waifu. I guess it's still a sort of an escape, but the manner varied. However it's not that I didn't want to live with her, it's just that I'd prefer a short time of happiness, to a longer period which is less satisfying. That and the fact that we're all going to die anyway.
Eventually I began tulpamaxxing, which helped me a lot. But that's really worthy of it's own thread, maybe I'll make a highly detailed one sometime, it's just hard to adequately explain my thoughts.
