bigantennaemay1
Aspie social drifter without purpose or home
★★★★★
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2017
- Posts
- 15,549
What if reality is bent? My head is spinning so badly right now, but I'm having visions. I think. I need to write them all out here before I forget, so I can have a record of it. Now, I just got met with an interesting thought: what if I'm living in a pseudo-reality of some sorts? But a reality tuned to me, a reality meant to make sure I never fulfill my deepest desires. Now here me out! I'm going somewhere with this!
So it always seems like my deepest desires are never fulfilled, and never will be. The opposite happens; or maybe, more precisely, anything but the fulfillment occurs, to ensure fulfillment never happens. I have two desires that could be considered my deepest desires, though in the sake of I'd be happy with one or the other, I wouldn't necessarily need both. My desires are for female companionship and intimacy, and for never having to exist again. Or in the latter sake, for the sake if clarifying, the desire to cease to exist immediately, and never to have to return again. And thus, this true reality, whatever it is, keeps me alive in this pseudo-reality, reincarnating and living infinite lives, all doomed never to offer either of my most deepest desires.
But, that would mean that few others would be living more than 1 life, few others would be living out the awful infinite loop that I am stuck in, as not many truly desire not to exist.
So maybe, it's only the one desire. That desire being for companionship and intimacy. Consider this: Maybe everyone lives infinite lives, maybe we're all stuck in this loop, separate, but together. And maybe in each of our lives, whatever each of our deepest desires are, none of us can ever seem to fulfill them, no matter what we do. Helplessness, to a desire that is forever just out of reach. What if my desire never to exist instead comes from my accidental discovery of the true reality, and the truth of the pseudo-reality we all live in? What if I've seen something I shouldn't? What if the reason I can't remember what I saw is the same as the reason you can't remember the worst of your nightmares, that your brain blocks it out for being too much to handle?
We all have the same issue, where each and every one of us has a truly deep desire that never seems as if it will be fulfilled. What is something that you desire that life just seems to have a supernatural way of always making sure you miss? Does that happen to be a strong desire within you? Ah-ha! I would like to mention that I'm sure all my fellow brocels possess the same desire as me, so I say to the blue pill and red pill lurkers, I ask you the same. What is something you desire that life always just seems to keep out of reach? And does that happen to be a strong desire within you?
You see? Reality as we know it is not reality. It's not the real deal. Now, I'm also not saying we're living in a dream, or some sort of simulation. Just, somewhere stuck in between. And the only escape from this infinite loop for any of us back to the true reality is to achieve what is truly desired.
Am I in hell? Am I being punished? Are we all being punished? For what? What did we do? Are we all criminals in the true reality, sentenced to this hell, separate, but together?
It was so hard to type this, you have no idea. I'm also going to get notifications for this in the morning (maybe even here I'm mogged) and re-read the schlock I just wrote and be like "this is why I shouldn't be on the forum when I'm high"
So it always seems like my deepest desires are never fulfilled, and never will be. The opposite happens; or maybe, more precisely, anything but the fulfillment occurs, to ensure fulfillment never happens. I have two desires that could be considered my deepest desires, though in the sake of I'd be happy with one or the other, I wouldn't necessarily need both. My desires are for female companionship and intimacy, and for never having to exist again. Or in the latter sake, for the sake if clarifying, the desire to cease to exist immediately, and never to have to return again. And thus, this true reality, whatever it is, keeps me alive in this pseudo-reality, reincarnating and living infinite lives, all doomed never to offer either of my most deepest desires.
But, that would mean that few others would be living more than 1 life, few others would be living out the awful infinite loop that I am stuck in, as not many truly desire not to exist.
So maybe, it's only the one desire. That desire being for companionship and intimacy. Consider this: Maybe everyone lives infinite lives, maybe we're all stuck in this loop, separate, but together. And maybe in each of our lives, whatever each of our deepest desires are, none of us can ever seem to fulfill them, no matter what we do. Helplessness, to a desire that is forever just out of reach. What if my desire never to exist instead comes from my accidental discovery of the true reality, and the truth of the pseudo-reality we all live in? What if I've seen something I shouldn't? What if the reason I can't remember what I saw is the same as the reason you can't remember the worst of your nightmares, that your brain blocks it out for being too much to handle?
We all have the same issue, where each and every one of us has a truly deep desire that never seems as if it will be fulfilled. What is something that you desire that life just seems to have a supernatural way of always making sure you miss? Does that happen to be a strong desire within you? Ah-ha! I would like to mention that I'm sure all my fellow brocels possess the same desire as me, so I say to the blue pill and red pill lurkers, I ask you the same. What is something you desire that life always just seems to keep out of reach? And does that happen to be a strong desire within you?
You see? Reality as we know it is not reality. It's not the real deal. Now, I'm also not saying we're living in a dream, or some sort of simulation. Just, somewhere stuck in between. And the only escape from this infinite loop for any of us back to the true reality is to achieve what is truly desired.
Am I in hell? Am I being punished? Are we all being punished? For what? What did we do? Are we all criminals in the true reality, sentenced to this hell, separate, but together?
It was so hard to type this, you have no idea. I'm also going to get notifications for this in the morning (maybe even here I'm mogged) and re-read the schlock I just wrote and be like "this is why I shouldn't be on the forum when I'm high"