In spirit of this thread.
Maybe interesting for: @canker sore
I'm going to try something new/interesting and see if I continue it or not.
So today I went to 1 lecture, i actually had two today. But the temptation early in the morning to stay in bed was too great and so I would've been about 20 minutes late if I attended that one. And it was only 1 hour and I had something else I wanted to do early in the morning anyway so I skipped it.
The second lecture I did attend and it was about 2 hours long.
The subject matter was about different methods to evaluate which investment decision is the most logical.
The conclusion was that the NPV method (Net Present value) was the most effective.
What is NPV? it's the initial investment cost (negative) and then the discounted cash flows added to that. What is the discount rate? basically it's similar to inflation in that the value of a certain amount of money right now is worth more than the same amount in the future. But for different reasons; one of which is for example opportunity costs. So maybe you could have had more money right now if you put your investment into stocks instead of a savings account and so you discount that difference with the discount rate, but the discount rate is determined by more factors and some are more important than others.
Cash flow by the way, very reductively explained is just revenue minus expenses.
I also learned a bit about some basic corporate finance terminology. Think hierarchy structures and different positions in financial sector.
CFO, accountant, controller, treasurer etc.
Another thing I noticed by the way is a pattern of behaviour in my thinking, specifically value judgements. And it's related as to why i've not been going to school as often as I should.
So most evenings/nights, I tend to stay up way later past my bedtime rotting behind my PC, once I'm behind my PC I'm not rational. I don't think about what's important and only think in short-term. When I inevitable fail to go to bed early that day. I also wake up later that day. Oh and by the way everytime I stay up late way past my bedtime, I sort of think in my mind like 'fuck it, i'll just stay home tomorrow, because I'll wake up really late anyway tomorrow".
Anyway I wake up late the next morning (sometimes afternoon). And this is another crucial point, because once I wake up I'm in a sort of irrational half awake/half asleep haze, I also often am very involved in what I was dreaming that night and if it's a nice dream I usually want to return to that dream. Additionally it also feels better in that moment to just continue laying in bed, because it's easier and nicer.
It's extremely difficult to force myself to get out of bed early in that moment because like I said I'm in that haze and I've already given up the night before basically to go to school that day. So almost always I stay in bed. Then when I finally get out of bed and I am a little bit more awake/rational I still decide to stay home because "ah it's already so late and I don't want to go travel hours to school only to study for a few hours". But that's not always rational and is very short-term based thinking. Because while yes, maybe one day doesn't really matter if I then decide to stay home. But in the long term, all those 'few hours' I spent studying at school, would add up to some progress. But in that moment I don't realise that or want to realise that. and usually the thoughts that urge me to stay home win anyway.
I know rationally in the long term ofcourse that I should just go to school even if it's for a little bit and even if I missed some lectures, but I basically never end up doing that, I almost always lose that battle. I know from past psych classes, that willpower is for losers (i.e. I can't rely on willpower every day to do this) Here's an interesting video about that btw. (I could make a seperate thread about that, because it goes quite deep), but basically the gist of it is that habits/routine and environment is more powerful than trying to force yourself to do something out of pure will. That's why sometimes people advise to put your phone into another room if you want to distract yourself less. The thing is however that I don't know how to create the environment for myself to make it easier for myself to make the decision in the morning to just go to school.
I've ofcourse also looked up on how I can change this, but idk I never really managed to do it. One common suggestion is to have something to do in the morning right when you get out of bed as part of a routine, preferably something you enjoy. That's tricky. Additionally it also suggests a consistent bedtime and waking up time, which would help with building that routine, but that initial step requires willpower obviously. And yes it gets easier over time as they say. But I very often relapse.
My environment is very toxic/maladaptive for a successful lifestyle; over a period of 10 years or so, ever since I was a teenager. I consistently rebelled against my parents (as most teens do) to create an environment where I spend more time gaming, watching porn, watching youtube, eating unhealthy, isolating myself, going to bed late and other maladaptive habits. And spending less time doing sports, eating healthy, socialising and other healthy habits. I was mostly unconscious about this ofcourse
But yeah.
I partially blame my parents for this for not being more strict, but alas. I think one key point as well was when I started college/got my high school diploma.
Because ever since then I've had much more freetime/freedom to do anything I want. Back in high school it was unthinkable for me to skip classes and I basically never did. But I started college around when covid started which made attending college classes even more optional. This was also around the time when I first became an official adult, so I didn't have compulsory school attendance anymore.
So yeah this sudden freedom + covid + no friends out of high school + addicted to PC rotting (gaming, gooning etc.) + non-strict parents = Perfect recipe for my current unproductive lifestyle.
For the age I am right now I should be way further ahead in school, my classmates are mostly younger than me and it hurts to be confronted with that sometimes, but most of the time I've been able to cope with that fact.
Anyways what I'm trying to say is that. I don't know how to change my environment suitable to a point where going to college, maybe doing sports etc. is self-explanatory in those moments when I have to decide whether to stay home or attend school or do other things.
I also wanted to say by the way. The moments of clarity, when I'm aware of my horrible routine/lifestyle are always when I'm not on the PC and alone with my thoughts. So when I go to bed and lay there staring at the ceiling in the dark. Or when I'm cycling somewhere. Unfortunately however these moments of clarity would be most desired in the morning, because then I'd probably be more likely to have a productive day. Once I wake up I'm completely demotivated however (cause of the bad wake up routine (waking up late like I mentioned early)) and I feel like my day is already ruined.
Most days when I feel like my day is ruined, I just go to my PC and start my slop session as I like to call it, I barely even watch YouTube, game or goon. I don't even know what I'm doing most of the time, but definitely wasting my time until the late hours of the night. And the sad part is, because of the so many years of developing this horrible environment (social, physical space, physiologically (dopamine, neurons patterns of behavior). It has become self-sustaining. every time I'm behind my PC I'm not thinking about the things that I ought to do. Like homework or getting shit together, I'm just in hedonistic 'bliss'.
Addicts will probably be able to relate to this.
And the longer I rot behind my PC during the day, the less value I place on getting off and going to school. That's why I said one of the most critical points of value judgement as to whether I'll go to school or not that day is right when I 'half-wake up' (which is usually by the way at an alarm clock time I set the day prior) and the time I'm supposed to go to bed.
But once you're in that hedonistic bliss of rotting behind your PC, you can't think straight. And my parents don't tell me to get off the PC anymore so that's the social environment for example. Another sad part is that everything I do behind the PC isn't as fun anymore compared to when I did it as a teen.
Oh and by the way, another reason / circumstance I even unconsciously developed this lifestyle. Is because for a very long time I've been a social outcast. I was bullied pretty badly around the end of elementary school (when I switched elementary schools) and a little during high school. Which caused me to be more reclusive and engage in 'hobbies' like rotting behind PC. I was never invited to parties or had much desire to seek them out as a high school student. I also didnt really have friends during that time by the way. Which caused me to be even more reclusive.
So yeah that's sort of my epiphany. I rambled so long I think because I did take one stimulant pill today at school.
I'm pretty happy I went to school though, I genuinely don't know what caused me to go today.
I hope I can continue this quest of eudaimonia though.
Sorry for the wall of text.
Maybe interesting for: @canker sore
I'm going to try something new/interesting and see if I continue it or not.
So today I went to 1 lecture, i actually had two today. But the temptation early in the morning to stay in bed was too great and so I would've been about 20 minutes late if I attended that one. And it was only 1 hour and I had something else I wanted to do early in the morning anyway so I skipped it.
The second lecture I did attend and it was about 2 hours long.
The subject matter was about different methods to evaluate which investment decision is the most logical.
The conclusion was that the NPV method (Net Present value) was the most effective.
What is NPV? it's the initial investment cost (negative) and then the discounted cash flows added to that. What is the discount rate? basically it's similar to inflation in that the value of a certain amount of money right now is worth more than the same amount in the future. But for different reasons; one of which is for example opportunity costs. So maybe you could have had more money right now if you put your investment into stocks instead of a savings account and so you discount that difference with the discount rate, but the discount rate is determined by more factors and some are more important than others.
Cash flow by the way, very reductively explained is just revenue minus expenses.
I also learned a bit about some basic corporate finance terminology. Think hierarchy structures and different positions in financial sector.
CFO, accountant, controller, treasurer etc.
Another thing I noticed by the way is a pattern of behaviour in my thinking, specifically value judgements. And it's related as to why i've not been going to school as often as I should.
So most evenings/nights, I tend to stay up way later past my bedtime rotting behind my PC, once I'm behind my PC I'm not rational. I don't think about what's important and only think in short-term. When I inevitable fail to go to bed early that day. I also wake up later that day. Oh and by the way everytime I stay up late way past my bedtime, I sort of think in my mind like 'fuck it, i'll just stay home tomorrow, because I'll wake up really late anyway tomorrow".
Anyway I wake up late the next morning (sometimes afternoon). And this is another crucial point, because once I wake up I'm in a sort of irrational half awake/half asleep haze, I also often am very involved in what I was dreaming that night and if it's a nice dream I usually want to return to that dream. Additionally it also feels better in that moment to just continue laying in bed, because it's easier and nicer.
It's extremely difficult to force myself to get out of bed early in that moment because like I said I'm in that haze and I've already given up the night before basically to go to school that day. So almost always I stay in bed. Then when I finally get out of bed and I am a little bit more awake/rational I still decide to stay home because "ah it's already so late and I don't want to go travel hours to school only to study for a few hours". But that's not always rational and is very short-term based thinking. Because while yes, maybe one day doesn't really matter if I then decide to stay home. But in the long term, all those 'few hours' I spent studying at school, would add up to some progress. But in that moment I don't realise that or want to realise that. and usually the thoughts that urge me to stay home win anyway.
I know rationally in the long term ofcourse that I should just go to school even if it's for a little bit and even if I missed some lectures, but I basically never end up doing that, I almost always lose that battle. I know from past psych classes, that willpower is for losers (i.e. I can't rely on willpower every day to do this) Here's an interesting video about that btw. (I could make a seperate thread about that, because it goes quite deep), but basically the gist of it is that habits/routine and environment is more powerful than trying to force yourself to do something out of pure will. That's why sometimes people advise to put your phone into another room if you want to distract yourself less. The thing is however that I don't know how to create the environment for myself to make it easier for myself to make the decision in the morning to just go to school.
I've ofcourse also looked up on how I can change this, but idk I never really managed to do it. One common suggestion is to have something to do in the morning right when you get out of bed as part of a routine, preferably something you enjoy. That's tricky. Additionally it also suggests a consistent bedtime and waking up time, which would help with building that routine, but that initial step requires willpower obviously. And yes it gets easier over time as they say. But I very often relapse.
My environment is very toxic/maladaptive for a successful lifestyle; over a period of 10 years or so, ever since I was a teenager. I consistently rebelled against my parents (as most teens do) to create an environment where I spend more time gaming, watching porn, watching youtube, eating unhealthy, isolating myself, going to bed late and other maladaptive habits. And spending less time doing sports, eating healthy, socialising and other healthy habits. I was mostly unconscious about this ofcourse
But yeah.
I partially blame my parents for this for not being more strict, but alas. I think one key point as well was when I started college/got my high school diploma.
Because ever since then I've had much more freetime/freedom to do anything I want. Back in high school it was unthinkable for me to skip classes and I basically never did. But I started college around when covid started which made attending college classes even more optional. This was also around the time when I first became an official adult, so I didn't have compulsory school attendance anymore.
So yeah this sudden freedom + covid + no friends out of high school + addicted to PC rotting (gaming, gooning etc.) + non-strict parents = Perfect recipe for my current unproductive lifestyle.
For the age I am right now I should be way further ahead in school, my classmates are mostly younger than me and it hurts to be confronted with that sometimes, but most of the time I've been able to cope with that fact.
Anyways what I'm trying to say is that. I don't know how to change my environment suitable to a point where going to college, maybe doing sports etc. is self-explanatory in those moments when I have to decide whether to stay home or attend school or do other things.
I also wanted to say by the way. The moments of clarity, when I'm aware of my horrible routine/lifestyle are always when I'm not on the PC and alone with my thoughts. So when I go to bed and lay there staring at the ceiling in the dark. Or when I'm cycling somewhere. Unfortunately however these moments of clarity would be most desired in the morning, because then I'd probably be more likely to have a productive day. Once I wake up I'm completely demotivated however (cause of the bad wake up routine (waking up late like I mentioned early)) and I feel like my day is already ruined.
Most days when I feel like my day is ruined, I just go to my PC and start my slop session as I like to call it, I barely even watch YouTube, game or goon. I don't even know what I'm doing most of the time, but definitely wasting my time until the late hours of the night. And the sad part is, because of the so many years of developing this horrible environment (social, physical space, physiologically (dopamine, neurons patterns of behavior). It has become self-sustaining. every time I'm behind my PC I'm not thinking about the things that I ought to do. Like homework or getting shit together, I'm just in hedonistic 'bliss'.
Addicts will probably be able to relate to this.
And the longer I rot behind my PC during the day, the less value I place on getting off and going to school. That's why I said one of the most critical points of value judgement as to whether I'll go to school or not that day is right when I 'half-wake up' (which is usually by the way at an alarm clock time I set the day prior) and the time I'm supposed to go to bed.
But once you're in that hedonistic bliss of rotting behind your PC, you can't think straight. And my parents don't tell me to get off the PC anymore so that's the social environment for example. Another sad part is that everything I do behind the PC isn't as fun anymore compared to when I did it as a teen.
Oh and by the way, another reason / circumstance I even unconsciously developed this lifestyle. Is because for a very long time I've been a social outcast. I was bullied pretty badly around the end of elementary school (when I switched elementary schools) and a little during high school. Which caused me to be more reclusive and engage in 'hobbies' like rotting behind PC. I was never invited to parties or had much desire to seek them out as a high school student. I also didnt really have friends during that time by the way. Which caused me to be even more reclusive.
So yeah that's sort of my epiphany. I rambled so long I think because I did take one stimulant pill today at school.
I'm pretty happy I went to school though, I genuinely don't know what caused me to go today.
I hope I can continue this quest of eudaimonia though.
Sorry for the wall of text.
