Sorry for the LinkedIn-esque title. I hate LinkedIn and the corporate hollowness it represents. But it's appropriate for now since this took place in a corporate setting.
A few months ago I had an internship in an industry I had some plans to enter. Well, good thing I got it, because I HATED the work and it was a wake-up call to redirect. (That's it's own unresolved issue.)
In the course of this experience, I met a cute ABG in the interns group, and since there was a group text, I had her number. Long story short, on the last day of the program I texted her asking to keep in touch afterwards. She didn't outright say no, but blew me off in a way that was honestly worse than saying no. It wasn't so much a rejection of me as an admission that I was never a possibility in the first place. This was a crushing realization as it confirmed what I already knew—that I'm not even seen as being worthy of consideration. It's not that others are being chosen over me, it's that I was never going to be chosen. I'm not an option. No one wants me. No one fantasizes about me. I'm just someone people use for homework answers. A party trick. An asexual brain.
The initial psychological impact of the rejection was minor, as I didn't expect it to work anyway. But reflecting over time has led me to these absolutely devastating realizations (really just confirmations) about how I am viewed differently.
To add insult to injury, there was the whole time this other guy from the program who she was always going around with (they were probably hooking up even though he claimed to be religious
), and when we made ending posts, he copied my exact format, leaving whole sentences unchanged
A few months ago I had an internship in an industry I had some plans to enter. Well, good thing I got it, because I HATED the work and it was a wake-up call to redirect. (That's it's own unresolved issue.)
In the course of this experience, I met a cute ABG in the interns group, and since there was a group text, I had her number. Long story short, on the last day of the program I texted her asking to keep in touch afterwards. She didn't outright say no, but blew me off in a way that was honestly worse than saying no. It wasn't so much a rejection of me as an admission that I was never a possibility in the first place. This was a crushing realization as it confirmed what I already knew—that I'm not even seen as being worthy of consideration. It's not that others are being chosen over me, it's that I was never going to be chosen. I'm not an option. No one wants me. No one fantasizes about me. I'm just someone people use for homework answers. A party trick. An asexual brain.
The initial psychological impact of the rejection was minor, as I didn't expect it to work anyway. But reflecting over time has led me to these absolutely devastating realizations (really just confirmations) about how I am viewed differently.
To add insult to injury, there was the whole time this other guy from the program who she was always going around with (they were probably hooking up even though he claimed to be religious
), and when we made ending posts, he copied my exact format, leaving whole sentences unchanged
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