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- Mar 11, 2021
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- 11
First time posting but here goes...
Where I live, the school district is known for its well rounded curriculum, phenomenal test scores, and...
Oh who the fuck am I kidding the only thing that mattered were sports.
I know what your thinking "every school district is proud of their sports teams blah blah blah" but my school district took it to the extreme
Approximately 15% of the school district budget (not just 15% of a single schools budget, but the entire district budget, which included at least 2 kindergartens, 5 elementary schools, and 3 middle schools) went into stadium maintenance. And God knows how much went into sports instead of education.
At my school. If you weren't an athlete or a cheerleader. You were basically nobody.
Wanted girls to find you even remotely datable? You gotta be an athlete. Wanted a little more leniency on grading? Play a sport.
Hell, even athletes were naturally given priority with academic help.
I remember vividly the fateful in March. I asked the teacher if she was willing to help me and a few classmates study for the exams after school. She said of course she would.
But when we stopped by we could hear her moans as someone on the football team was probably giving her anal.
We sat at the door until the principal came by and threatened to report us to the cops for loitering, standing right next to the wall that the jock pinnned the teacher and was audibly thumping
I unsurprisingly flunked the exam and had to retake the class
I ended up having to stay in high school for 5 years to make up for lost time from retaking it. The 5th year I had only one class period out of seven. So I had spent most of the day just chilling in the cafeteria.
Eventually I had gained a reputation as the fat lonely semi-feral creep due to my looks (not having a PE class meant I was only getting minimal amount of exercise) and my deteriorating social skills (I have autism and adhd to begin with some it didn't make life any easier
My parents were able to pay for another school year, and have always been caring for me, but I could see their judgement on their face every day
Nowadays I basically sit at home most of the day, because I'm way too terrified of driving (everyone in my family has been in at least one accident, the aftermath was never good and still has an effect on me)
I don't have any friends who are willing to invite me to activities and meet people.
even if I was able to approach and initiate dialogue with a girl without having an internal panic attack that can often results in me crying out of the anxiety. My autism means im likely to either not push the envelope hard enough and be friendzoned, and quickly fade into obscurity. Or I push the envelope too hard and instead creep them out.
My looks are definitely not good by societal standards, but my time in retail has shown that even uglier inbreds can find a companion (whether it be betabuxxing or something else)
I'm 6'2 and genuinely believe im kind hearted enough to be loved by A girl someday, if luck is one my side that is.
I also don't totally believe it is the fault of women for not being into me (though their insane lack of common sense around chars is fucking mockable)
But the mentalceldom is almost overwhelming and I'm near my ropes end
Thank you for reading this... it really feels nice to say something about all this and get it out
Where I live, the school district is known for its well rounded curriculum, phenomenal test scores, and...
Oh who the fuck am I kidding the only thing that mattered were sports.
I know what your thinking "every school district is proud of their sports teams blah blah blah" but my school district took it to the extreme
Approximately 15% of the school district budget (not just 15% of a single schools budget, but the entire district budget, which included at least 2 kindergartens, 5 elementary schools, and 3 middle schools) went into stadium maintenance. And God knows how much went into sports instead of education.
At my school. If you weren't an athlete or a cheerleader. You were basically nobody.
Wanted girls to find you even remotely datable? You gotta be an athlete. Wanted a little more leniency on grading? Play a sport.
Hell, even athletes were naturally given priority with academic help.
I remember vividly the fateful in March. I asked the teacher if she was willing to help me and a few classmates study for the exams after school. She said of course she would.
But when we stopped by we could hear her moans as someone on the football team was probably giving her anal.
We sat at the door until the principal came by and threatened to report us to the cops for loitering, standing right next to the wall that the jock pinnned the teacher and was audibly thumping
I unsurprisingly flunked the exam and had to retake the class
I ended up having to stay in high school for 5 years to make up for lost time from retaking it. The 5th year I had only one class period out of seven. So I had spent most of the day just chilling in the cafeteria.
Eventually I had gained a reputation as the fat lonely semi-feral creep due to my looks (not having a PE class meant I was only getting minimal amount of exercise) and my deteriorating social skills (I have autism and adhd to begin with some it didn't make life any easier
My parents were able to pay for another school year, and have always been caring for me, but I could see their judgement on their face every day
Nowadays I basically sit at home most of the day, because I'm way too terrified of driving (everyone in my family has been in at least one accident, the aftermath was never good and still has an effect on me)
I don't have any friends who are willing to invite me to activities and meet people.
even if I was able to approach and initiate dialogue with a girl without having an internal panic attack that can often results in me crying out of the anxiety. My autism means im likely to either not push the envelope hard enough and be friendzoned, and quickly fade into obscurity. Or I push the envelope too hard and instead creep them out.
My looks are definitely not good by societal standards, but my time in retail has shown that even uglier inbreds can find a companion (whether it be betabuxxing or something else)
I'm 6'2 and genuinely believe im kind hearted enough to be loved by A girl someday, if luck is one my side that is.
I also don't totally believe it is the fault of women for not being into me (though their insane lack of common sense around chars is fucking mockable)
But the mentalceldom is almost overwhelming and I'm near my ropes end
Thank you for reading this... it really feels nice to say something about all this and get it out