I have the last a year and half to finish. I can't cope no more. I have done nothing in this semester and am about to fail. I know that this degree would probably lead me to some good opportunities but I feel disgusted to be a beta cuck after all of these i have been through. I don't want to have any future and I don't want to, at this point it's not even about foids no more.
I crashed out the other night, I called my parents that I want to drop out (which is something I have done before 2 years ago). We are not in a traditional family bond emotionally tho, although they have never done anything really bad. I told them I want to move to another city, get a shit job, start full time MMA training and become a pro fighter, as this is the only thing I want to do and can keep doing. It's going to be miserable, and I give up my future for this ridiculous and maybe unrealistic shit because I can't do anything right now but this. Since I discovered martial arts a year ago, it's been the only thing that has been supporting me through tremendous despair when I never had anyone by my side. I am really grateful for that. Initially I did not like it, I did it only because it could relieve my pain to a degree, however, I start to find out I can't live without it no more.
I am a simple man. I never wanted any social status, success, reputation. I want to be a family man. A good father, who can teach my kids how to stand tall and love and support them no matter what; a good husband, who will always be there for my wife and care for her also; a good leader (as in morality, not in charge of power), who can set an example and support people I love when they are at their toughest. Sadly none of these will ever happen. Lots of people live in denial, but my insane clarity if what makes me different from delusional faggots. I will never give birth to ugly chink babies, lying to them 'ur the cutest little thing and I love u so much'. I fucking hate it, I will kill him out of disgust. It strikes me even harder, than any calamities I have faced can ever do.
At very least, It's good that I have a path, through which I can function properly. Although it sounds retarded as I really am, it's a relief that I know what I can still feel like doing. I feel scared tho, as displayed by my pussy nature, that I won't be able to walk on that road. I can see a potential future, like 2 years ago, that I just rotted at home without doing anything, not even playing games. Right now it seems a bit less likely, but I have fear. I am alone and lonely all my life. I have no one I can talk to sincerely about any of these issues. I have helped others walk out of depression, trauma, but no one could ever guide me through. I have been tired, for all my life. I know I have to ignite the fire of that fighter in me, as I need to do it seriously this time. And I hope I will, in 3 months, which is the longest period I have to considerate before I have to make this final decision.
If u read it all, I appreciate it. If not, thanks for clicking onto this still. I am so desperate now, and I don't even know what i'm talking about. I have far more details than these but I don't think I can spill them out all at once. I never cried, and I will never do. Now back to the title brothers, if u r stuck into this uni shit as well, what's ur story or plan regarding the years leading up in ur life? I am curious.
I crashed out the other night, I called my parents that I want to drop out (which is something I have done before 2 years ago). We are not in a traditional family bond emotionally tho, although they have never done anything really bad. I told them I want to move to another city, get a shit job, start full time MMA training and become a pro fighter, as this is the only thing I want to do and can keep doing. It's going to be miserable, and I give up my future for this ridiculous and maybe unrealistic shit because I can't do anything right now but this. Since I discovered martial arts a year ago, it's been the only thing that has been supporting me through tremendous despair when I never had anyone by my side. I am really grateful for that. Initially I did not like it, I did it only because it could relieve my pain to a degree, however, I start to find out I can't live without it no more.
I am a simple man. I never wanted any social status, success, reputation. I want to be a family man. A good father, who can teach my kids how to stand tall and love and support them no matter what; a good husband, who will always be there for my wife and care for her also; a good leader (as in morality, not in charge of power), who can set an example and support people I love when they are at their toughest. Sadly none of these will ever happen. Lots of people live in denial, but my insane clarity if what makes me different from delusional faggots. I will never give birth to ugly chink babies, lying to them 'ur the cutest little thing and I love u so much'. I fucking hate it, I will kill him out of disgust. It strikes me even harder, than any calamities I have faced can ever do.
At very least, It's good that I have a path, through which I can function properly. Although it sounds retarded as I really am, it's a relief that I know what I can still feel like doing. I feel scared tho, as displayed by my pussy nature, that I won't be able to walk on that road. I can see a potential future, like 2 years ago, that I just rotted at home without doing anything, not even playing games. Right now it seems a bit less likely, but I have fear. I am alone and lonely all my life. I have no one I can talk to sincerely about any of these issues. I have helped others walk out of depression, trauma, but no one could ever guide me through. I have been tired, for all my life. I know I have to ignite the fire of that fighter in me, as I need to do it seriously this time. And I hope I will, in 3 months, which is the longest period I have to considerate before I have to make this final decision.
If u read it all, I appreciate it. If not, thanks for clicking onto this still. I am so desperate now, and I don't even know what i'm talking about. I have far more details than these but I don't think I can spill them out all at once. I never cried, and I will never do. Now back to the title brothers, if u r stuck into this uni shit as well, what's ur story or plan regarding the years leading up in ur life? I am curious.
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