Today I saw the hottest girl in my class giving MASSIVE IOIs to the best-looking guy there WHILE I WAS TALKING TO HIM. She came out of nowhere interrupting our talk and addressing him, he teased her about the fact she was referring to him as "dear" and she said she was just being nice but at the same time she escalated the IOIs through hugging him and telling him he's "cute". That happened right in front of me and I was ignored during that interaction.
This might not sound as much to a foid or a man who hasn't been through decades of bullying, massive rejection, inceldom, dysfunctional household relations and other things like I did, but it absolutely destroyed me to the point I actually cried a bit some minutes after it as me and the other students were waiting at a corridor for the next class. I couldn't fully hold it this time. At first I tried to pretend I was crying from laughter because of something I was reading on my phone but I eventually had to go to the bathroom and stay there for some minutes.
That girl is not even that gl (she's 5-6/10; she has a double chin somewhat, wears huge glasses and isn't fully white), but she's my type of girl. She's 18, her face is extremely neotenous (she looks like 12 face-wise with the braces and her neotenous smile and facial traits) but she has the body of a developed woman. Her breasts are perfect in terms of format and size, she has a perfectly sized butt as well, she is always cheerful, radiating youthful energy. You can tell right away she has a life of positive reinforcements behind her; it almost reminds me of myself before I became broken due to years of bullying and trauma. I'd spend all the savings I got through breaking my back in construction work in Germany to kiss and cuddle her for an hour.
Only a few weeks have gone by and it looks like the social structure of my class was already set, this guy and the second best-looking one are already getting hugged by the girls left and right while me and the black tallcel there get nothing like that. The other guys there are clearly gay.
While I'm at college I feel absolutely suffocated. Progressive leftism permeates pretty much every text we use for exercises at classes, most things professors say, etc. I can't say anything I really believe or I'll be massively ostracized and my academic career would end before it begins. I have to police my speech all the time to the point it's suffocating.
I also have to take 4 buses a day and they're almost invariably crowded, usually plenty of attractive young women are there. The feeling of being so close, yet so far, is terribly frustrating. Today on my second bus there was also a 6'5 8/10 blonde and blue-eyed gigachad, I already started the day being mogged massively. He went out of the bus at the STEM department, I bet he makes 10k a month in his engineering internship as well.
I also talked to that 3/10 I mentioned in my other thread today and turns out she has a boyfriend. Over for me with the only girl I maybe had 0,00000001% of chances with.
This world is hell. The YT channel about horribly deformed people reminded me that everything can get even worse. You yourself could end up as one of those handicapped monsters through an unsuccessful suicide attempt for example.
I'm not that strong. Although I'm masculine and high T, I have a sensible soul; artistic, sensitive, empathetic, romantic, etc. I have only been able to survive this long because of my loving family who allowed me to live in my NEET bubble for most of my adult years. When I go out to the world I quickly get crushed under it.
Being both an incel, a hebe/ephebophile, a loser and having to be a functional adult is too much. I can't psychologically deal with so much at once. It feels so fucking tough to have any motivation to be minimally productive as a blackpilled incel. I was considering applying to receive government benefits for mental illness like one of my aunts does. I'd "pass" the check for sure. All I want is to be a NEET, sorry that I need resources to survive, world, but I promise I will be a good goy and stay quiet in my house, far away from underage girls, far away from society in general if I get my NEETbuxx. I don't need much.
The problem is that I have already talked about it with my mom and she absolutely hated the idea. She told me she would be very mad and disappointed at me if she found out I did it. I feel like I have to stick around in college for her sake since she's the only woman who has ever loved or will love me. She even enthusiastically bought some material like pens, pencils, an eraser, etc, for me and gave it to me yesterday. She's so proud at me that I made it into a renowned public university.
EDIT: I forgot mentioning that that guy the hottest foid in my class hugged is also the most thugmaxxed person there, he doesn't do the exercises, sleeps in class, he's into rap and dresses like a criminal, etc, so he gets even more value with women beyond being attractive (he's high tier normie).
This might not sound as much to a foid or a man who hasn't been through decades of bullying, massive rejection, inceldom, dysfunctional household relations and other things like I did, but it absolutely destroyed me to the point I actually cried a bit some minutes after it as me and the other students were waiting at a corridor for the next class. I couldn't fully hold it this time. At first I tried to pretend I was crying from laughter because of something I was reading on my phone but I eventually had to go to the bathroom and stay there for some minutes.
That girl is not even that gl (she's 5-6/10; she has a double chin somewhat, wears huge glasses and isn't fully white), but she's my type of girl. She's 18, her face is extremely neotenous (she looks like 12 face-wise with the braces and her neotenous smile and facial traits) but she has the body of a developed woman. Her breasts are perfect in terms of format and size, she has a perfectly sized butt as well, she is always cheerful, radiating youthful energy. You can tell right away she has a life of positive reinforcements behind her; it almost reminds me of myself before I became broken due to years of bullying and trauma. I'd spend all the savings I got through breaking my back in construction work in Germany to kiss and cuddle her for an hour.
Only a few weeks have gone by and it looks like the social structure of my class was already set, this guy and the second best-looking one are already getting hugged by the girls left and right while me and the black tallcel there get nothing like that. The other guys there are clearly gay.
While I'm at college I feel absolutely suffocated. Progressive leftism permeates pretty much every text we use for exercises at classes, most things professors say, etc. I can't say anything I really believe or I'll be massively ostracized and my academic career would end before it begins. I have to police my speech all the time to the point it's suffocating.
I also have to take 4 buses a day and they're almost invariably crowded, usually plenty of attractive young women are there. The feeling of being so close, yet so far, is terribly frustrating. Today on my second bus there was also a 6'5 8/10 blonde and blue-eyed gigachad, I already started the day being mogged massively. He went out of the bus at the STEM department, I bet he makes 10k a month in his engineering internship as well.
I also talked to that 3/10 I mentioned in my other thread today and turns out she has a boyfriend. Over for me with the only girl I maybe had 0,00000001% of chances with.
This world is hell. The YT channel about horribly deformed people reminded me that everything can get even worse. You yourself could end up as one of those handicapped monsters through an unsuccessful suicide attempt for example.
I'm not that strong. Although I'm masculine and high T, I have a sensible soul; artistic, sensitive, empathetic, romantic, etc. I have only been able to survive this long because of my loving family who allowed me to live in my NEET bubble for most of my adult years. When I go out to the world I quickly get crushed under it.
Being both an incel, a hebe/ephebophile, a loser and having to be a functional adult is too much. I can't psychologically deal with so much at once. It feels so fucking tough to have any motivation to be minimally productive as a blackpilled incel. I was considering applying to receive government benefits for mental illness like one of my aunts does. I'd "pass" the check for sure. All I want is to be a NEET, sorry that I need resources to survive, world, but I promise I will be a good goy and stay quiet in my house, far away from underage girls, far away from society in general if I get my NEETbuxx. I don't need much.
The problem is that I have already talked about it with my mom and she absolutely hated the idea. She told me she would be very mad and disappointed at me if she found out I did it. I feel like I have to stick around in college for her sake since she's the only woman who has ever loved or will love me. She even enthusiastically bought some material like pens, pencils, an eraser, etc, for me and gave it to me yesterday. She's so proud at me that I made it into a renowned public university.
EDIT: I forgot mentioning that that guy the hottest foid in my class hugged is also the most thugmaxxed person there, he doesn't do the exercises, sleeps in class, he's into rap and dresses like a criminal, etc, so he gets even more value with women beyond being attractive (he's high tier normie).
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