Venting Tonight I cried

[Esoteric7]

I was looking at some porn. Once I finished doing what I did, the post-nut clarity was lethal. I stared at the ceiling, wondering how the hell my life came to this: jerking off to pixels all my life from a screen, hardwired my brain to get off to other people fucking while I rot in silence, most of my intimacy being via my hand.

At this point, I'm not watching porn to feel pleasure, I watch it to remind myself that I actually still have those feelings. I feel like I've had deeper connections with porn actresses that I'll never meet than with the neighbors that I see daily. And, yes, I've had those moments where my screen goes blank when the porn video ends and I'm looking at my reflection like:

If my 16-year-old self was told this is where I’d end up:

• A grown man, broken and alone
• Consumed by envy, sadness, depression and anger
• Trapped in a cycle of work, porn, sleep, repeat

. . . I don’t know how he would’ve taken it . . . I always thought if I ever experienced loneliness, it would just be a chapter, but it's been feeling like a whole fucking book.

There's no joy in my life. It's just:
Work → Go home → Work → Go home.
They want my labor but don't care about my needs. My workplace feels like a crime scene where I'm being killed slowly.

I've always liked the idea of being a man and never crying, but tonight I gave that up. The tears poured, hot and ugly. My chest heaved, my breath shuddered. And . . . it felt good.

I recommend crying.

But, as man, you can’t tell anyone. If you admit you cry, they'll view you as weak, pathetic, and probably a faggot. You're only allowed to cry when no one's watching.

They tell you to ‘man up’, but never tell you what to do when that stops working.

 

[DoomThreeKoala]

BRUTAL.

 

[paracletus]

brootal saar

 

[TheHungariancel]

There's no joy in my life. It's just:
Work → Go home → Work → Go home.

I wouldn’t really mind this kind of lifestyle if I didn’t have to live like this for 30-40 years. That's what scares me the most. Decades of coping and rotting. I guess we'll get used to it. Or not.

 

[Xul]

When you cry its just a hate defecient, remember that

 

[ItsOverMan]

Keep going, boyo. *hug*

As my Great Depression grandparent said “You don’t give up, you just don’t give up.”

I never cry either, or very rarely. I'm just not wired that way. Even when my beloved mother died last year I only cried twice, briefly. That was all I could muster.

 

[anon65]

This is so real. How are we supposed to survive working 40+hrs a week, every week until we die, with zero love or meaning in life? Just a sad tax cattle existence.

 

[ravisk]

Yup. Porn is a pretty degenerate industry and its targeted sedation at western countries by the jews. The main reason why I jacked off to porn is because I wanted to feel something, Anything at all. That would temporarily relieve the pain of loneliness,depression and suicidal thoughts.

About crying. Honestly nobody cares and the people who do care. Ask yourself this: Do their morals apply to me? Do I really give a fuck about some manly macho faggots or normies think about being a real man?. For me the answer has always been: Fuck them, fuck their morales,code,values and principles. Because these people really want their morales to apply to you. So just tell them to go fuck themselves.

 

[hatepilledandrich]

I was looking at some porn. Once I finished doing what I did, the post-nut clarity was lethal. I stared at the ceiling, wondering how the hell my life came to this: jerking off to pixels all my life from a screen, hardwired my brain to get off to other people fucking while I rot in silence, most of my intimacy being via my hand.

At this point, I'm not watching porn to feel pleasure, I watch it to remind myself that I actually still have those feelings. I feel like I've had deeper connections with porn actresses that I'll never meet than with the neighbors that I see daily. And, yes, I've had those moments where my screen goes blank when the porn video ends and I'm looking at my reflection like:

If my 16-year-old self was told this is where I’d end up:

• A grown man, broken and alone
• Consumed by envy, sadness, depression and anger
• Trapped in a cycle of work, porn, sleep, repeat

. . . I don’t know how he would’ve taken it . . . I always thought if I ever experienced loneliness, it would just be a chapter, but it's been feeling like a whole fucking book.

There's no joy in my life. It's just:
Work → Go home → Work → Go home.
They want my labor but don't care about my needs. My workplace feels like a crime scene where I'm being killed slowly.

I've always liked the idea of being a man and never crying, but tonight I gave that up. The tears poured, hot and ugly. My chest heaved, my breath shuddered. And . . . it felt good.

I recommend crying.

But, as man, you can’t tell anyone. If you admit you cry, they'll view you as weak, pathetic, and probably a faggot. You're only allowed to cry when no one's watching.

They tell you to ‘man up’, but never tell you what to do when that stops working.

I am too autistic for crying I guess. Never had the urge, but treat yourself to a good meal tonight, you need it.

 

[Glassness]

honestly when I cry I feel even more broken

 

[Master in Mumbai]

Diabolical

 

[LeFrenchCel]

Truecel trait: you jerk off yourself to tears