I don't know if this is anxiety or my ass burgers acting up, but recently I have been more scared around toilets, a lot more to the point where an interaction I had last week at work where I nearly peed on myself and look visibly frightened and severely sweating.
I started drinking alcohol now to try to calm down my high inhib which barely works, it just reduces the panic that I have. Since I can't drink on the job, I sacrifice my mental and try to suck it up, but even when I go out to the market or mall, I drink myself nearly to death to try to avoid all the thoughts in my head about toilets judging me. I am expecially intimidated by asian toilets because I fear them always disdaining me and looking down upon me. I am surprised I have not gotten the police called on me for being a creepy subhuman walking around in public.
I was in a group office printing out some paperwork for inspecting our armored vehicles, and the other co-workers (2 toilets that are a couple years older than me, and 4 males 1 older and 3 around my age) were talking and bantering as usual as I usually am absolutely quiet while they do so. Eventually one of the males asked me about my thoughts to a pop culture song after the two toilets got done complimenting the song. I don't listen to a lot of common artists or celebrities, so I instantly got nervous and lied and said that I liked it.
The toilets then asked if I "had seen his movie" and how I felt about apparent allegations against "him." I got visibly nervous and very sweaty and couldn't say out my words, but luckily I was saved when a senior supervisor asked me to fetch something that I had in my vehicle. I am pretty sure they noticed my breakdown because my supervisor said that I looked like I had seen a ghost..
I pray the God will ease my nerves a bit. Every time I go out into public and see toilets, I get incredibly depressed as I know they judge me and probably get scared of me.
I started drinking alcohol now to try to calm down my high inhib which barely works, it just reduces the panic that I have. Since I can't drink on the job, I sacrifice my mental and try to suck it up, but even when I go out to the market or mall, I drink myself nearly to death to try to avoid all the thoughts in my head about toilets judging me. I am expecially intimidated by asian toilets because I fear them always disdaining me and looking down upon me. I am surprised I have not gotten the police called on me for being a creepy subhuman walking around in public.
I was in a group office printing out some paperwork for inspecting our armored vehicles, and the other co-workers (2 toilets that are a couple years older than me, and 4 males 1 older and 3 around my age) were talking and bantering as usual as I usually am absolutely quiet while they do so. Eventually one of the males asked me about my thoughts to a pop culture song after the two toilets got done complimenting the song. I don't listen to a lot of common artists or celebrities, so I instantly got nervous and lied and said that I liked it.
The toilets then asked if I "had seen his movie" and how I felt about apparent allegations against "him." I got visibly nervous and very sweaty and couldn't say out my words, but luckily I was saved when a senior supervisor asked me to fetch something that I had in my vehicle. I am pretty sure they noticed my breakdown because my supervisor said that I looked like I had seen a ghost..
I pray the God will ease my nerves a bit. Every time I go out into public and see toilets, I get incredibly depressed as I know they judge me and probably get scared of me.
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