I truly can't comprehend the lives of normal people. It seems so incredibly alien that they could just go through their life... and get a girlfriend. no countless rejections, no gymmaxing, no multi-year surgery journey, they just fucking GET SHIT, it comes to them naturally. how the fuck is that even possible. I'm literally a different species from those good lifers.
like imagine if one day you walked into your english class at the age of 14 and someone started talking to you and you had a nice conversation, then you talked again the next day, and the next, and something naturally developed, and you were alive and excited and never felt the slightest touch of what i'm feeling 24/7 now for even a second, never even realized lows like that existed, you just HAD SHIT. I can't even imagine a life like that, it's like these groids are some silicon based lifeform from saturn. It's like a 10^1000 light year difference between these people and me, when I try and think of the best time of my life its just the fucking covid lockdown and THE FUCKING AMONG US MEME, THATS WHEN MY LIFE PEAKED. THIS SHIT IS SO INCOMPREHENSIBLY MISERABLE
I have nothing to look forward to in my future. The absolute best case scenario for me still involves years of work and pain and cutting my face open, AND EVEN THEN I DON'T KNOW IF IT WOULD WORK, things could go perfectly and I could still be fucked while people 10 years younger than me full of hope and joy just begin their lives, eyes bright at the possibilities of this world because it was made for them and they were made for it.
Like even in the best case scenario can you imagine the difference between two 13 year olds holding hands discovering the world together vs. some 25 year old gremlin with titanium plates in his face swiping away at his phone, his eyes watering at the blue light in a grungy apartment, maybe he'll get lucky and some blown out roastie will take him, but how the fuck does it even matter at that point, his purity and soul were fucking robbed by the world.
like imagine if one day you walked into your english class at the age of 14 and someone started talking to you and you had a nice conversation, then you talked again the next day, and the next, and something naturally developed, and you were alive and excited and never felt the slightest touch of what i'm feeling 24/7 now for even a second, never even realized lows like that existed, you just HAD SHIT. I can't even imagine a life like that, it's like these groids are some silicon based lifeform from saturn. It's like a 10^1000 light year difference between these people and me, when I try and think of the best time of my life its just the fucking covid lockdown and THE FUCKING AMONG US MEME, THATS WHEN MY LIFE PEAKED. THIS SHIT IS SO INCOMPREHENSIBLY MISERABLE
I have nothing to look forward to in my future. The absolute best case scenario for me still involves years of work and pain and cutting my face open, AND EVEN THEN I DON'T KNOW IF IT WOULD WORK, things could go perfectly and I could still be fucked while people 10 years younger than me full of hope and joy just begin their lives, eyes bright at the possibilities of this world because it was made for them and they were made for it.
Like even in the best case scenario can you imagine the difference between two 13 year olds holding hands discovering the world together vs. some 25 year old gremlin with titanium plates in his face swiping away at his phone, his eyes watering at the blue light in a grungy apartment, maybe he'll get lucky and some blown out roastie will take him, but how the fuck does it even matter at that point, his purity and soul were fucking robbed by the world.
