I have started to really notice who is a loser and who's not and it's quite apparent that a depressing amount of people are losers and a frustrating amount of people are total assholes for no reason.
I'm kinda weirded out at how normal I am and how similar I am to almost everyone, it really drives it home that looks are basically everything. I have no idea who I am anymore. I think of myself as intelligent but I don't feel intelligent. I just see others as absurd.
Almost 30, working a lot (this week, 68 hours) and it's depressing how hard it is to climb out of my pit. I'm working. I'm investing. I just wish something would change but you can't force people to like you or find you attractive.
It's not like I have terrible social skills. They're actually quite good. That's how I know most people are normal and have a shit life. We're all basically doing shit we don't want to do so that we don't end up sleeping on concrete basically... lol. I fit in very well. I get along with people. It's almost as if I get along with people too well. It's as if I break through any nonsense before I even speak. I can laugh with people. But at the end of the day we're all poor motherfuckers who aren't rich, so it's not like we can hang out later. I've even met people who are honest about how shit life is. They're very rare, but I cherish them. I met one coworker who is hilarious, a fat black dude, he made me laugh my ass off. (Can't say the same about a femoid btw).
Everything is about money. If you have looks then you easily get lots of money. Everything boils down to looks in the end. Only a few can be lucky. Being on the receiving end of this, however, sucks.
There will never be any justice for this. I don't believe in a God. Knowing this makes it so much more bleak, but that's just how it is and however much I want things to change, it won't. That's just how it is. I can only be grateful that I'm not in a 3rd world country. I have the face that I have and that's final. I was born into the evil family I was born into and that's final. I was bullied by society and mistreated by everyone and that's final. There is no justice. No one will ever care. I will be forgotten. There is no girlfriend to speak to, nor would it feel right at this point where I'm nearing 30. It seems as if there will always be reality hitting me like a brick saying "She's just with me because of x" or "Where were the women when I needed them...?" I can't imagine anything ever being the same again. I'm too mature, too wise. Women are useful when you're young, so that you can understand how they are and rethink reality. Instead, it's as if they, and society overall, including family, decided to hide reality from me and abuse me, take advantage of me, humiliate me, instead. It's for this reason I've grown to see women as baby making machines and I can't fathom believing in things like "love". It's odd that society talks so much about love, yet they make fun of people for thinking it's real, as if they just like to trick people into believing it's not just hell. This society is cruel, sadistic and manipulative.
I'm kinda weirded out at how normal I am and how similar I am to almost everyone, it really drives it home that looks are basically everything. I have no idea who I am anymore. I think of myself as intelligent but I don't feel intelligent. I just see others as absurd.
Almost 30, working a lot (this week, 68 hours) and it's depressing how hard it is to climb out of my pit. I'm working. I'm investing. I just wish something would change but you can't force people to like you or find you attractive.
It's not like I have terrible social skills. They're actually quite good. That's how I know most people are normal and have a shit life. We're all basically doing shit we don't want to do so that we don't end up sleeping on concrete basically... lol. I fit in very well. I get along with people. It's almost as if I get along with people too well. It's as if I break through any nonsense before I even speak. I can laugh with people. But at the end of the day we're all poor motherfuckers who aren't rich, so it's not like we can hang out later. I've even met people who are honest about how shit life is. They're very rare, but I cherish them. I met one coworker who is hilarious, a fat black dude, he made me laugh my ass off. (Can't say the same about a femoid btw).
Everything is about money. If you have looks then you easily get lots of money. Everything boils down to looks in the end. Only a few can be lucky. Being on the receiving end of this, however, sucks.
There will never be any justice for this. I don't believe in a God. Knowing this makes it so much more bleak, but that's just how it is and however much I want things to change, it won't. That's just how it is. I can only be grateful that I'm not in a 3rd world country. I have the face that I have and that's final. I was born into the evil family I was born into and that's final. I was bullied by society and mistreated by everyone and that's final. There is no justice. No one will ever care. I will be forgotten. There is no girlfriend to speak to, nor would it feel right at this point where I'm nearing 30. It seems as if there will always be reality hitting me like a brick saying "She's just with me because of x" or "Where were the women when I needed them...?" I can't imagine anything ever being the same again. I'm too mature, too wise. Women are useful when you're young, so that you can understand how they are and rethink reality. Instead, it's as if they, and society overall, including family, decided to hide reality from me and abuse me, take advantage of me, humiliate me, instead. It's for this reason I've grown to see women as baby making machines and I can't fathom believing in things like "love". It's odd that society talks so much about love, yet they make fun of people for thinking it's real, as if they just like to trick people into believing it's not just hell. This society is cruel, sadistic and manipulative.
