T
It just hit me. There is no future. The only thing there is is decaying health, meaningless copes, and rotting heart and brain. I feel like I'm slowly imploding before I burst. Collapsing into my own body until it can't take the pressure anymore.
I feel like my life is a test of how much a man can take.
I know exactly zero people, and I haven't left the house in months. I survive on whatever my mom puts on the table or the food I get delivered.
Nobody ever messaged me for personal reason. Ever. Not even once.
Nobody ever came up to talk to me randomly for personal reason.
I could have dealt with it, but not anymore. Not after I experienced what the life of a regular human is like. I only experienced it through long, more than decade long alternate personalities of myself that I created in order to cope with life. In other words I trained myself to believe I'm somebody else. I trained myself to use this illusion in order to feel better. Its been like a weird mechanism of mine turning on and off between times of realisation.
Im so far gone i don't think there's coming back.
my surgery is set for about a year from now.
i will try.
but i think the damage is more than my face.
and it can't heal
what a sad motherfucking life.
I feel like my life is a test of how much a man can take.
I know exactly zero people, and I haven't left the house in months. I survive on whatever my mom puts on the table or the food I get delivered.
Nobody ever messaged me for personal reason. Ever. Not even once.
Nobody ever came up to talk to me randomly for personal reason.
I could have dealt with it, but not anymore. Not after I experienced what the life of a regular human is like. I only experienced it through long, more than decade long alternate personalities of myself that I created in order to cope with life. In other words I trained myself to believe I'm somebody else. I trained myself to use this illusion in order to feel better. Its been like a weird mechanism of mine turning on and off between times of realisation.
Im so far gone i don't think there's coming back.
my surgery is set for about a year from now.
i will try.
but i think the damage is more than my face.
and it can't heal
what a sad motherfucking life.
