It was about 7 in the morning on a Sunday. I hadn't slept the previous night. I pulled an all nighter playing video games, which I noticed I wasn't even very interested in anymore. I started to realized that all the things I used to enjoy doing just aren't fun like they used to be. But I didn't feel like sleeping, and I really had nothing else to do, so it was just a form of killing time. By now I was hungry, too tired to cook and I felt like taking a walk, so I decided to go to Jack in The Box.
The atmosphere in Jack in The Box or any shitty fast food place at 7 AM when it's still dark is almost indescribable, but it's kino. I sat alone at my table alone with a coffee, breakfast and excruciating existential dread. There was a lot of really traumatizing stuff going on in my personal life at this time, and I was just sitting there solemnly reflecting on all of it. That was when I started paying attention to the TV and saw MSNBC was on. They were talking about Trump or some shit but I wasn't paying attention to that. The hostess was wearing a tight purple dress and I started focusing intensely on the screen trying to see her panties. She wasn't even a young model or anything, just a normal looking TV host. It cut to advertisements for a few minutes and as soon as it came back on I immediately started staring at the MSNBC hostess' panties again.
It was at this moment I realized I was literally Der Ewige Coomer and I had reached a level of desperation and depravity that most people never even imagine. I realized that if this is all my life is ever going to amount to then I genuinely have no reason to be alive. Since then I've been putting a lot more effort in to productive things like building muscle and doing well academically. Call it a cope but it keeps me alive. If I ever just accepted that I'm going to be miserable forever and gave up, I wouldn't bother LDARing for the rest of my life, I would blow my brains out instantly
The atmosphere in Jack in The Box or any shitty fast food place at 7 AM when it's still dark is almost indescribable, but it's kino. I sat alone at my table alone with a coffee, breakfast and excruciating existential dread. There was a lot of really traumatizing stuff going on in my personal life at this time, and I was just sitting there solemnly reflecting on all of it. That was when I started paying attention to the TV and saw MSNBC was on. They were talking about Trump or some shit but I wasn't paying attention to that. The hostess was wearing a tight purple dress and I started focusing intensely on the screen trying to see her panties. She wasn't even a young model or anything, just a normal looking TV host. It cut to advertisements for a few minutes and as soon as it came back on I immediately started staring at the MSNBC hostess' panties again.
It was at this moment I realized I was literally Der Ewige Coomer and I had reached a level of desperation and depravity that most people never even imagine. I realized that if this is all my life is ever going to amount to then I genuinely have no reason to be alive. Since then I've been putting a lot more effort in to productive things like building muscle and doing well academically. Call it a cope but it keeps me alive. If I ever just accepted that I'm going to be miserable forever and gave up, I wouldn't bother LDARing for the rest of my life, I would blow my brains out instantly
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