For the past few weeks I have been lurking about the site, shyly anticipating the day I introduce myself to the community. Greetings Everyone!
This topic is about being unapproachable, and why I am. The problem, simply put, is me. The presence of an individual such as myself regularly invokes avoidance behaviour from strangers. The motivation behind this, inherit qualities which I am powerless to control, my racial identity and aesthetic composition. To be unapproachable means to be undesirable. It is both dehumanising and demonizing. I understand that this is an experience I share with many members of the site. I will relate to you my experience.
Black is synonymous with danger. A prejudice perpetuated by the UK/U.S population of blacks. On one hand, I cannot fault strangers for wanting to protect themselves. I too share the sentiment, albeit to a limited degree, and have deliberately avoided black people I perceive to be dangerous. On the other hand, it is a limitation imposed upon me. Society doesn’t expect me to be anything more than a criminal. If I visit a store, the security guard is sure to focus his energy solely on me, we walk side by side like friends.
My mere presence provokes negative reactions, i.e. people flinch, look down or simply avoid me, crossing the road. I have spoken to other black men and their testimonies affirm mine. People even validate it indirectly.
“You look like my drug dealer.”
“How was your week, murder anybody?” (I was completely speechless)
“The boys always start fights. Half the time their bl—” (Quickly realises I’m there)
As previously stated, I am black which I believe puts me at a disadvantage. My face (and confidence) has been marred by years of acne and my hair/beard is grizzly like a werewolf because I simply stopped caring, grooming never did make much of a difference. In every social situation, I am overshadowed by my more attractive friends. Women rarely show me any attention, and if they do it’s usually to laugh at my sorry ass.
In my current mode of thinking, I despairingly accept society’ impression of me as an evil, demonic abomination. Even receiving a perverted sense of satisfaction as I comfort myself in heavy episodes of self-loathing. As absurd as I may sound, I do believe I am a horror monster. Every day I think, “You’re a monster. You’re the devil. You’re the Son of Satan. You are the Prince of Darkness.” I am truly worthy of rejection, contempt and hatred. I deserve to be tortured and raped a thousand times over, and have my throat slit in a satanic ritual. And I pray to God to grant this worthy death.
Peace out.
This topic is about being unapproachable, and why I am. The problem, simply put, is me. The presence of an individual such as myself regularly invokes avoidance behaviour from strangers. The motivation behind this, inherit qualities which I am powerless to control, my racial identity and aesthetic composition. To be unapproachable means to be undesirable. It is both dehumanising and demonizing. I understand that this is an experience I share with many members of the site. I will relate to you my experience.
Black is synonymous with danger. A prejudice perpetuated by the UK/U.S population of blacks. On one hand, I cannot fault strangers for wanting to protect themselves. I too share the sentiment, albeit to a limited degree, and have deliberately avoided black people I perceive to be dangerous. On the other hand, it is a limitation imposed upon me. Society doesn’t expect me to be anything more than a criminal. If I visit a store, the security guard is sure to focus his energy solely on me, we walk side by side like friends.
My mere presence provokes negative reactions, i.e. people flinch, look down or simply avoid me, crossing the road. I have spoken to other black men and their testimonies affirm mine. People even validate it indirectly.
“You look like my drug dealer.”
“How was your week, murder anybody?” (I was completely speechless)
“The boys always start fights. Half the time their bl—” (Quickly realises I’m there)
As previously stated, I am black which I believe puts me at a disadvantage. My face (and confidence) has been marred by years of acne and my hair/beard is grizzly like a werewolf because I simply stopped caring, grooming never did make much of a difference. In every social situation, I am overshadowed by my more attractive friends. Women rarely show me any attention, and if they do it’s usually to laugh at my sorry ass.
In my current mode of thinking, I despairingly accept society’ impression of me as an evil, demonic abomination. Even receiving a perverted sense of satisfaction as I comfort myself in heavy episodes of self-loathing. As absurd as I may sound, I do believe I am a horror monster. Every day I think, “You’re a monster. You’re the devil. You’re the Son of Satan. You are the Prince of Darkness.” I am truly worthy of rejection, contempt and hatred. I deserve to be tortured and raped a thousand times over, and have my throat slit in a satanic ritual. And I pray to God to grant this worthy death.
Peace out.
!
