I had a resurgence of high school memories tonight for some reason. No idea why. But I needed to talk about this with the brocels.
Pretty much since I entered middle school, I was an outcast. And this still continues to this day.
During my high school years, I created several instagram accounts to spy on people from my high school, and I knew they were having parties left, right and center. I already had an idea of what normies were doing, and what I was missing on.
But the last year of high school really was the year where I truly began to realize how serious all of this was. Not that I didn’t consider it as serious before, but for some reason, it started to hit me differently. And in a harsher way.
The gap between me and them was growing day after day after day.
I knew that they were living their life at the fullest.
I could hear people talking about going out to some bar.
Classmates talking about going to someone’s party on the weekend.
Groups of boys and groups of girls talking about their crushes and partners.
All of this happened in front of my eyes while nobody dared to talk to me and invite me to participate in those gatherings. All of those things already hit me when I was witnessing those discussions happen in front of me without being included to anyone’s plans.
I didn’t know anything about incels or the blackpill as a whole, but I already knew that I was missing on a lot of things. I was conscious of the pain eating me from the inside.
To be honest, I started to write rap lyrics about my pain, practising my linguistic and writing skills, and I had legit dreams back then about going to one of their parties and taking people there as shooting targets.
Looking back at all of this nearly a decade later, you truly realize how much you missed on.
The gap between you and them is unmeasurable, and you know it will never be repaired.
It already hurt me enough when I was a 18 year-old KHHV, but there was still the hope that maybe things would change at university. I had this hope. Because there was still time left to make my life change. Then reality struck me. I discovered the blackpill, then this place, and now I am a 25 year-old KHHV rotting on an incel forum and writing walls of texts at 4 AM.
I grew older yet my romantic/sexual life is at the same point.
While I was still left undesired by the empathetic gender, people of my age grew life experience.
People of my age have like 10 years of dating and sexual experience at this point, if not more. Meanwhile, I had nothing at all.
When I finished high school, and looked back at what I missed, it was already a huge cliff between me and them, but I still had this hope that the waves of the ocean beyond would bring me good news, and get my private life flow in the right direction in the years to come.
When I finished university, and looked back at what I missed, the cliff got insanely bigger, and the hopes of reaching the other side crushed dead in the water. No chance of turning fortunes in my favor.
When I turned 25, and looked back at what I missed… this makes me want to throw myself into this cliff and end it all.
And I know that this will get worse. And worse. And worse.
Even if you still consider yourself as a young person in your mind, because of all the teenage loves you never had, all the teenage parties you were not deemed physically interesting enough to be invited in, society does think otherwise.
People who enter high school now are 10 years younger than me now.
The simple fact of writing this is painful. All this time went by, and with what in the end?
Nothing.
And now you’re considered as a grown adult who had fun in his teenage years and early 20s but progressively have to settle.
Except that you never had this.
You never had all those things that society says people of your age did.
Because you’ve been denied it for all this time.
And you’ll still be denied it no matter what happens next.
Because it’s too late to ever have a chance to get back in time and try to change things.
But even if you tried to change things, your looks would still be the same, so people would still consider you the same.
So it wouldn’t change anything.
Even getting back in time wouldn’t change anything to our incel fate.
Pretty much since I entered middle school, I was an outcast. And this still continues to this day.
During my high school years, I created several instagram accounts to spy on people from my high school, and I knew they were having parties left, right and center. I already had an idea of what normies were doing, and what I was missing on.
But the last year of high school really was the year where I truly began to realize how serious all of this was. Not that I didn’t consider it as serious before, but for some reason, it started to hit me differently. And in a harsher way.
The gap between me and them was growing day after day after day.
I knew that they were living their life at the fullest.
I could hear people talking about going out to some bar.
Classmates talking about going to someone’s party on the weekend.
Groups of boys and groups of girls talking about their crushes and partners.
All of this happened in front of my eyes while nobody dared to talk to me and invite me to participate in those gatherings. All of those things already hit me when I was witnessing those discussions happen in front of me without being included to anyone’s plans.
I didn’t know anything about incels or the blackpill as a whole, but I already knew that I was missing on a lot of things. I was conscious of the pain eating me from the inside.
To be honest, I started to write rap lyrics about my pain, practising my linguistic and writing skills, and I had legit dreams back then about going to one of their parties and taking people there as shooting targets.
Looking back at all of this nearly a decade later, you truly realize how much you missed on.
The gap between you and them is unmeasurable, and you know it will never be repaired.
It already hurt me enough when I was a 18 year-old KHHV, but there was still the hope that maybe things would change at university. I had this hope. Because there was still time left to make my life change. Then reality struck me. I discovered the blackpill, then this place, and now I am a 25 year-old KHHV rotting on an incel forum and writing walls of texts at 4 AM.
I grew older yet my romantic/sexual life is at the same point.
While I was still left undesired by the empathetic gender, people of my age grew life experience.
People of my age have like 10 years of dating and sexual experience at this point, if not more. Meanwhile, I had nothing at all.
When I finished high school, and looked back at what I missed, it was already a huge cliff between me and them, but I still had this hope that the waves of the ocean beyond would bring me good news, and get my private life flow in the right direction in the years to come.
When I finished university, and looked back at what I missed, the cliff got insanely bigger, and the hopes of reaching the other side crushed dead in the water. No chance of turning fortunes in my favor.
When I turned 25, and looked back at what I missed… this makes me want to throw myself into this cliff and end it all.
And I know that this will get worse. And worse. And worse.
Even if you still consider yourself as a young person in your mind, because of all the teenage loves you never had, all the teenage parties you were not deemed physically interesting enough to be invited in, society does think otherwise.
People who enter high school now are 10 years younger than me now.
The simple fact of writing this is painful. All this time went by, and with what in the end?
Nothing.
And now you’re considered as a grown adult who had fun in his teenage years and early 20s but progressively have to settle.
Except that you never had this.
You never had all those things that society says people of your age did.
Because you’ve been denied it for all this time.
And you’ll still be denied it no matter what happens next.
Because it’s too late to ever have a chance to get back in time and try to change things.
But even if you tried to change things, your looks would still be the same, so people would still consider you the same.
So it wouldn’t change anything.
Even getting back in time wouldn’t change anything to our incel fate.
