LDAR the monster within is growing

[mviper]

the older I get, the more and more I feel like I'm turning into a monster. I'm not talking about appearance. I'm talking about one's inner self, your soul. I don't recognize myself anymore. the person I used to be has disappeared. my empathy is all but gone, I can't connect with anyone, not even online people I once played games with. the things I say when I'm by myself and not at work scare the hell out of me. that's right, you'll be talking to yourself one of the years, if you aren't already. my thoughts are frightening. I think it's some reaction to chronic social isolation, talking to yourself. my coworkers are starting to get afraid of me because I can't display any emotion anymore. I'm dead inside. an automaton waiting to explode. I feel like any day the boss is going to call me in and say I'm fired, because that's all that's possibly left that can happen.

I don't know how much longer I can keep it together. another year? another decade? hahahah I see now why people end up roping, what it takes for them to see it through to the end. I'm at the precipice, walking a tight-rope over the abyss. one false move I rope one side, the other leads to the path of er or worse. forget ldar, I'm watching myself decay into something demonic. everything is falling away except the tortured existence, the painful memories. maybe that's what ghosts are. I fear I'm going to literally dig myself a grave out in the woods and climb in it one night. not because I want to, but because there's an urge to, just to get the inevitable over with.
to end the looming insanity

I havne't posted much else recently, because i just don't feel motivated enough to even attempt interaction on the internet. but has anyone else experienced this total state of derealization combined with dread, that you cna't pinpoint at first but then you realize you are the source of it, you are the evil

 

[Henry de Montherlant]

I got used to it tbh. Just embrace the dark side lol

 

[Deleted member 15737]

Hahaha just go have sex with your girlfriend bro

 

[Inceldo]

The older i get the more normal i get

 

[Deleted member 15101]

Insanity comes, darkness envelops, but if you keep your heart burning you will come out of this stronger
Make a list of the copes that you appreciate, they keep a man sane

 

[thePhantom]

I'm experiencing this too, and I marvel at how long my outer shell apparently can keep functioning in society while my core is disintegrating. It frightens me, because I have a feeling that what is happening to me will be very hard to repair even if I would manage to ascend etc.

 

[Ritalincel]

try nootropics

 

[Lubricure]

the older I get, the more and more I feel like I'm turning into a monster. I'm not talking about appearance. I'm talking about one's inner self, your soul. I don't recognize myself anymore. the person I used to be has disappeared. my empathy is all but gone, I can't connect with anyone, not even online people I once played games with. the things I say when I'm by myself and not at work scare the hell out of me. that's right, you'll be talking to yourself one of the years, if you aren't already. my thoughts are frightening. I think it's some reaction to chronic social isolation, talking to yourself. my coworkers are starting to get afraid of me because I can't display any emotion anymore. I'm dead inside. an automaton waiting to explode. I feel like any day the boss is going to call me in and say I'm fired, because that's all that's possibly left that can happen.

I don't know how much longer I can keep it together. another year? another decade? hahahah I see now why people end up roping, what it takes for them to see it through to the end. I'm at the precipice, walking a tight-rope over the abyss. one false move I rope one side, the other leads to the path of er or worse. forget ldar, I'm watching myself decay into something demonic. everything is falling away except the tortured existence, the painful memories. maybe that's what ghosts are. I fear I'm going to literally dig myself a grave out in the woods and climb in it one night. not because I want to, but because there's an urge to, just to get the inevitable over with.
to end the looming insanity

I havne't posted much else recently, because i just don't feel motivated enough to even attempt interaction on the internet. but has anyone else experienced this total state of derealization combined with dread, that you cna't pinpoint at first but then you realize you are the source of it, you are the evil

Wow, that´s a powerful post. I could have written this myself, besides some specific details being different. I almost tick all of the boxes here.

I feel dead inside, but luckily I got proficient at faking emotions because in my high school I creeped the fuck out of my classmates with my soulless stare. Now I can "play the part" and it's incredible that sometimes I immerse myself so much in the temporary deception and I actually believe what I´m faking, even if I'm perfectly aware that is just a puppet show I´m setting up. It's a petty achievement, but it's really saved my bacon more than a couple of times.

In the past I felt guilty becoming like this. I used to blame myself, saying "do that, not do this", but then I realized the social imposed constraints to my actions were too strong and it was just a matter of time that my neurochemistry would have adapted like, somehow. You can't stay healthy in a diseased world. Despite the darkness, I still love my family (almost all of them, because barring a few exceptions, they really cared about me) and I will always be grateful for what they've done for me and still do.

Do you have some copes left or you lost them all like me?

 

[GoonCel]

The older i get the more normal i get

 

[rabitter]

I marvel at how long my outer shell can keep functioning while my core is disintegrating

Perfect description of what I (and I'm sure many others) feel.

 

[Angry_runt]

I'm 36, I'm in a much better place mentally than when I was 26. It all seems like a tasteless joke now.

Speaking of tasteless jokes: I had to babysit my niece for a week. After a few days she caught a butterfly and stomped on it, so to punish her I told her she can't have butter for the reminder of her stay. The next day she stomped on a cockroach, but I said nice try kiddo.

 

[Insomniac]

she caught a butterfly and stomped on it

How cruel. The butterfly dindu nuffin.

 

[TheReaper]

personality is a social construct.
i think a lot of people feel like you but they are showing a persona
that doesn't reflect their inner feelings.

 

[ManletHalfCurry]

I'm experiencing this too, and I marvel at how long my outer shell apparently can keep functioning in society while my core is disintegrating. It frightens me, because I have a feeling that what is happening to me will be very hard to repair even if I would manage to ascend etc.

Yes, I fear it is too late for myself, everyone I speak to I resent or despise, I don't think that I am reparable at this stage, or that I would even be able to form meaningful relationships if I wanted to.

 

[Deleted member 1983]

isolation and loneliness i guarantee is the number one thing that erodes the mind, this is why you often see escortcels on this site more positive / hopeful than truecels.

also there was a video on normies who volunteered to be in complete isolation for a week and they nearly lost it, they have no idea how much worse incels have it.

 

[ManletHalfCurry]

also there was a video on normies who volunteered to be in complete isolation for a week and they nearly lost it, they have no idea how much worse incels have it.

Seriously? lol, they really are oblivious to how much they take for granted.

 

[Deleted member 1983]

Seriously? lol, they really are oblivious to how much they take for granted.

bruh these normies were legit hallucinating from isolation

 

[Blacktarpill]

try nootropics

Legit advice.

 

[ManletHalfCurry]

bruh these normies were legit hallucinating from isolation

"Oyster shells"

 

[rabitter]

bruh these normies were legit hallucinating from isolation

Fuckin' hell.

I've been "isolated" for nearly a decade now. If any of these cucks were forced to live an incel's life for even a month they'd all rope.

 

[Deleted member 1983]

Fuckin' hell.

I've been "isolated" for nearly a decade now. If any of these cucks were forced to live an incel's life for even a month they'd all rope.

normies live on a different plane of reality.

 

[Blacktarpill]

Fuckin' hell.

I've been "isolated" for nearly a decade now. If any of these cucks were forced to live an incel's life for even a month they'd all rope.

Legit isolation? Or HikiNeet isolation?

 

[rabitter]

Legit isolation? Or HikiNeet isolation?

Social isolation.

I'm not a shut-in/hikki. But KHHV and no friends (or even acquaintances) for nearly a decade now. For the entirety of 2018 the only calls on my phone have been from my parents and telemarketers

 

[Blacktarpill]

Social isolation.

I'm not a shut-in/hikki. But KHHV and no friends (or even acquaintances) for nearly a decade now. For the entirety of 2018 the only calls on my phone have been from my parents and telemarketers

How did you coped when you first realized it?

 

[rabitter]

How did you coped when you first realized it?

Realized what?

Shitposting on here, 8ch etc is how I cope tbh. Have been meaning to switch to more productive copes but I keep on failing.

 

[Blacktarpill]

Realized what?

Your condition.

Have been meaning to switch to more productive copes but I keep on failing.

Hobbymaxxing is a good idea. Collecting random stuff etc. are the best possible ways to cope.

 

[IronMike]

Insanity comes, darkness envelops, but if you keep your heart burning you will come out of this stronger
Make a list of the copes that you appreciate, they keep a man sane

 

[rabitter]

Your condition.

Hobbymaxxing is a good idea. Collecting random stuff etc. are the best possible ways to cope.

Every hobby requires $$$ these days. Hopefully I'll have enough by next year to start thruhiking and motorcycle riding as new copes. My life is boring and repetitive as hell right now tbh. Every day is groundhog day.

 

[visage]

HOLY FUCK this is me to a TEE

 

[ihaveno1]

relatable, especially the talking to yourself part

 

[StaroRavager]

 

[Michael15651]

Embrace it.

 

[cucktearslol]

embrace the fact that you're ugly, we are bottom of tier scum in social status.

 

[Lynne]

iktf OP, empathy and emotions are slowly dying off from me as well. I don't think heartwarming anime will cure me.

 

[Ghost]

Can totally relate... as I was once in the same boat as you. The boat is headed towards Hell...

You sound like you're in the early stages of being possessed by a devil. Your mind is still there. It realizes it's still there and feels miserable. It seeks to reach out for help but it isn't getting much help as nobody really cares...

You can't find salvation in others. That's the truth. Cry out to Jesus. He is the only one who can help you at this point. Don't harden your heart. Or else it might be too late.

God bless

 

[ICanOnlyFapToBDSM]

iktf. I've been "that guy whos gonan bring a gun to work" for years, at all my jobs

 

[The Abyss]

Feeling like that lately, it's fucking horrific; I just don't want to deal with ppl at all anymore. This shit sucks bad man, how do you claw your way out of this constant feeling when your brain is defective with its thoughts.

 

[ReallyRice]

Hahaha just go have sex with your girlfriend bro

 

[BlkPillPres]

I had to babysit my niece for a week. After a few days she caught a butterfly and stomped on it, so to punish her I told her she can't have butter for the reminder of her stay. The next day she stomped on a cockroach, but I said nice try kiddo.

 

[Deleted member 9229]

Insanity comes, darkness envelops, but if you keep your heart burning you will come out of this stronger
Make a list of the copes that you appreciate, they keep a man sane

 

[TheLegendofBentCock]

Oh man, I can TOTALLY relate to this!

I think this peaked in my early 20s.

When I got into my female autopsy fetish.

I was still operating with no outward signs of mania but inside I was in turmoil.

 

[Remyx]

May as well since everyone else is a monster

 

[Deleted member 10150]

we are losing our minds . rope can cure this

 

[Smallframecel]

I'm 36, I'm in a much better place mentally than when I was 26. It all seems like a tasteless joke now.

Speaking of tasteless jokes: I had to babysit my niece for a week. After a few days she caught a butterfly and stomped on it, so to punish her I told her she can't have butter for the reminder of her stay. The next day she stomped on a cockroach, but I said nice try kiddo.

So u banned her from having cock for the remainder of her stay

 

[Refund]

Find something to feed it. Find good copes, don't blow up like a pressure cooker, friend.

 

[rahultmnt]

buy a good soap and take a shower

 

[Captvic]

Same. My soul is essentially dead at this point. I have no soul

 

[Caterpillar]

Maybe it's not a bad thing. Who needs empathy after all? The longer you live the more you will get desensitized. I used to be very disturbed by beheading videos but now I jerk off to them.

 

[Uther]

I still remember how I was as an innocent naive child. I was almost an angel. I remember playing a board game with my mom and intentionally losing, thinking my mom would be sad if she lost, or whenever we were in the grocery store I would always make sure I told mom to buy my brother his favorite snacks and sweets, I remember picking up trash left behind while hiking in the mountains as lad and crying because of global warming (after watching some doc. as a kid) thinking about polar bears drowning. But years of being hated, rejected and isolated has it's toll. My thoughts have been getting progressively darker and darker since puberty.

 

[ChronicPaincel]

Wow, that´s a powerful post