i've cut everyone off. the only people i talk to are my birthvessel and my god forsaken excuse of a father.
i've always had kind of a hard time connecting with people. most people aren't into what im into. the way i see things is often pessimistic and selfish. it's all just defense mechanisms from being around other people too much.
the duality inside of me is that, despite having trouble connecting with people, as a human being i still crave social connection because it's part of my nature as a human. not just understanding but a sense of belonging. a feeling that tells im a part of something bigger than myself.
i don't really crave friends, i more so crave intimacy and emotional reciprocation of my feelings from a person of the opposite sex. i just want to feel loved, like everybody else does. sometimes i think to myself i might die alone since i think it would be damn near impossible to find someone of the opposite sex who would have a hardcore intellectual/romantic chemistry with me.
i'm not perfect and no one is. i've had my issues, my shameful moments. i've also had my victories and proud moments. i am somewhat considerate for those around me, i consider myself well mannered and at the very least in terms of intelligence not a total idiot. i treat people with respect for the most part unless they piss me off which honestly happens all the time, for the smallest of reasons. i just dont always express it since confronting people because of trivial matters is useless and nonsensical. i have goals, i've had multiple jobs over the years and im actively developing my professional career.
i am sophisticated, a true gentleman! haha
but these women don't see it that way. i don't know why. i don't mean to sound like a paramore-esque angsty teenager when i say this but. no one really understands me. or at least very few. no one cares to do so. people seem stupid to me and i have issues connecting with others but sometimes i just wish i could for one moment taste a womans lips. and feel her love. i dont care if i sound ridiculous.
how can you say i go about things the wrong way? i am human and i need to be loved just like everybody else does.
i wish these woman saw in me what i see in myself. i dont mean to bite my own teeth when i describe myself, as most of my attributes expressed above have been corroborated by other people.
i have a question for u guys...
if i am horny, and i crave bodily pleasure, if lust has taken a hold of me and i need to release sexual tension, i can masturbate while i imagine jada stevens bouncing up and down on my mouse but...
if i crave love, intimacy and a romantic dynamic with another person of the opposite sex... how do i masturbate my heart? my feelings?
i've been coping by playing DOAX venus vacation prism. it feels real sometimes. specially if i turn all my lights off and imagine it's real as i sit in front of my monitor with my nice headphones on. i also watch GFE asmrs...
dont care what u think. i am just a lonely soldier craving a woman's touch.
i've always had kind of a hard time connecting with people. most people aren't into what im into. the way i see things is often pessimistic and selfish. it's all just defense mechanisms from being around other people too much.
the duality inside of me is that, despite having trouble connecting with people, as a human being i still crave social connection because it's part of my nature as a human. not just understanding but a sense of belonging. a feeling that tells im a part of something bigger than myself.
i don't really crave friends, i more so crave intimacy and emotional reciprocation of my feelings from a person of the opposite sex. i just want to feel loved, like everybody else does. sometimes i think to myself i might die alone since i think it would be damn near impossible to find someone of the opposite sex who would have a hardcore intellectual/romantic chemistry with me.
i'm not perfect and no one is. i've had my issues, my shameful moments. i've also had my victories and proud moments. i am somewhat considerate for those around me, i consider myself well mannered and at the very least in terms of intelligence not a total idiot. i treat people with respect for the most part unless they piss me off which honestly happens all the time, for the smallest of reasons. i just dont always express it since confronting people because of trivial matters is useless and nonsensical. i have goals, i've had multiple jobs over the years and im actively developing my professional career.
i am sophisticated, a true gentleman! haha
but these women don't see it that way. i don't know why. i don't mean to sound like a paramore-esque angsty teenager when i say this but. no one really understands me. or at least very few. no one cares to do so. people seem stupid to me and i have issues connecting with others but sometimes i just wish i could for one moment taste a womans lips. and feel her love. i dont care if i sound ridiculous.
how can you say i go about things the wrong way? i am human and i need to be loved just like everybody else does.
i wish these woman saw in me what i see in myself. i dont mean to bite my own teeth when i describe myself, as most of my attributes expressed above have been corroborated by other people.
i have a question for u guys...
if i am horny, and i crave bodily pleasure, if lust has taken a hold of me and i need to release sexual tension, i can masturbate while i imagine jada stevens bouncing up and down on my mouse but...
if i crave love, intimacy and a romantic dynamic with another person of the opposite sex... how do i masturbate my heart? my feelings?
i've been coping by playing DOAX venus vacation prism. it feels real sometimes. specially if i turn all my lights off and imagine it's real as i sit in front of my monitor with my nice headphones on. i also watch GFE asmrs...
dont care what u think. i am just a lonely soldier craving a woman's touch.
