Im so fucking depressed bros I just wanna rope. No one to cope with, no more copes left. It has only just hit me now that I wasted my entire teenage years and this is a complete hopeless head-pounding just make it stop feeling of complete despair. It has hit me before but not at this level. If only I had just had 1 solid group of friends, not even a girlfriend or any experiences with a girl, fuck that Im completely devoid to that at this point. If only I had gone to just one party in my entire life or had someone that said "I got your back bro", or had a schooling experience and home life that was somewhat tolerable but it was complete hell. No crazy stories, no memorable moments, the entire ordeal of adolescensce went by in the blink of an eye spent on my computer. I can still remember my 10th birthday like it was yesterday. I feel completely the same as I did at 10 like I do now at 20. I never had any experience to socially grow and now Im fucked. I wish I can go back to that day an get a chance to redo this bullshit. Id give literally everything, fuck materialism and everything I own Id give it all away just to be back in my 10 year old body. If only things had been different. I hate this life, there is no higher power or any sort of Hindu/Buddhist order or any sort of bullshit free mason esoteric secret religion that will give you the path either. Everything is random.
