Having tried to jump in front of a train once I found that not wanting to live is, sadly, not the same as wanting to be dead, let alone wanting to die, let alone jumping in front of a fucking train. I always thought that if I ever contemplated suicide I could just as well do something very radical and, say, move to Australia or whatever to work as a truck driver. But I also found that the older you get the less you try to experience intense and extraordinary emotions and experiences, and the more you simply try not to suffer too much.
Sadly, there is no wisdom to be achieved from having been close to death. Schopenhauer writes somewhere that there inevitably is always more suffering than joy in this world, and to make his point he uses the example of the most horrific suffering of a devoured animal and the short-lived pleasure of the devouring animal who will be hungry again in a few hours. More pain than joy in this world. Nature must be Satan's creation.