I wish there was a way to block this forum from IT completely.
I've had brutal experiences relating to my physical appearance, and they've left permanent scars on my psyche.
1. The Hot or Not List
In the seventh grade, the guys in my class found a "hot or not" list the girls had drawn up. Of course, I was on the "not" side. I'll never forget that. I was only 12.
2. The school trip
In the ninth grade, we went on an overnight school trip, and there was another school there. It also happened to be my birthday. In the middle of the night some girls came over and called us to their dormitory. So we went. A game of spin the bottle ensued and every time it landed on me they said "ewwww" and refused to kiss me. Brutal humiliation in front of my peers.
3. The cafeteria
In university, the girls in the cafeteria would make fun of me and call me a 14-year-old because I was short. I eventually stopped going and just ate food in my room in my third year until I moved out into my own place. Even the warden of my residence called me the "short one".
This is just the tip of the iceberg. I've felt hate from teachers, police, and random looks of disgust in public. I've had babies in public comment on how dark I am, and people are shocked I'm old enough to drive. I'm stuck in forever childhood. I am a beast, a cretin, I am Frankenstein's monster. I was born at the bottom of the totem pole in terms of race, and I have been cursed to look up at everybody for my whole life. Do you know how brutal it is to have everybody looking down on you? My life as a five foot one blackcel has been a string of bad memories and rejections, and the truth is that it's fucking awful. Moving through society is hard as a five foot one black male. The strength it takes to go outside... sometimes I don't have it.
Who wouldn't be on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds? Who could take this life while suffering in silence, knowing that nobody truly understands what you're going through? And on top of that, I'm a 27yo khhv.
I've had brutal experiences relating to my physical appearance, and they've left permanent scars on my psyche.
1. The Hot or Not List
In the seventh grade, the guys in my class found a "hot or not" list the girls had drawn up. Of course, I was on the "not" side. I'll never forget that. I was only 12.
2. The school trip
In the ninth grade, we went on an overnight school trip, and there was another school there. It also happened to be my birthday. In the middle of the night some girls came over and called us to their dormitory. So we went. A game of spin the bottle ensued and every time it landed on me they said "ewwww" and refused to kiss me. Brutal humiliation in front of my peers.
3. The cafeteria
In university, the girls in the cafeteria would make fun of me and call me a 14-year-old because I was short. I eventually stopped going and just ate food in my room in my third year until I moved out into my own place. Even the warden of my residence called me the "short one".
This is just the tip of the iceberg. I've felt hate from teachers, police, and random looks of disgust in public. I've had babies in public comment on how dark I am, and people are shocked I'm old enough to drive. I'm stuck in forever childhood. I am a beast, a cretin, I am Frankenstein's monster. I was born at the bottom of the totem pole in terms of race, and I have been cursed to look up at everybody for my whole life. Do you know how brutal it is to have everybody looking down on you? My life as a five foot one blackcel has been a string of bad memories and rejections, and the truth is that it's fucking awful. Moving through society is hard as a five foot one black male. The strength it takes to go outside... sometimes I don't have it.
Who wouldn't be on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds? Who could take this life while suffering in silence, knowing that nobody truly understands what you're going through? And on top of that, I'm a 27yo khhv.
