I was in line at the dining hall and shortly ahead of me there was a couple in the throes of affection. They kept touching each other and the girl kept smiling. So what? Average incel experience? But this was different. I remembered seeing this couple months before at the beginning of the semester (late January). Now the day that I had seen them was also the same day on which I had decided I was going to try to cut masturbating for as long as I could. I lasted in this for almost 3 weeks, which was my most successful attempt to date. I haven’t been trying anymore lately.
So think about all this… during all the suffering I have been going through for months of loneliness, making efforts like this to self-improve, relapsing, struggling in my classes, tortured by the sights of couples every day… throughout all of this, this one couple has been living a life of bliss, in constant happiness for all these months. And it just strikes me now, as it did then, the intransigence—my position hasn't changed, and neither has theirs. Everything is as it goes, and everything goes as it is.
So think about all this… during all the suffering I have been going through for months of loneliness, making efforts like this to self-improve, relapsing, struggling in my classes, tortured by the sights of couples every day… throughout all of this, this one couple has been living a life of bliss, in constant happiness for all these months. And it just strikes me now, as it did then, the intransigence—my position hasn't changed, and neither has theirs. Everything is as it goes, and everything goes as it is.
