I think my social anxiety is off the rails now.
My Depression is actually low now due to ritalin and CBT but I am sorry, I just dont want to even meet people anymore.
Just standing near them pisses me off.
Uhm, I made that post about going to the theater. Once again I couldn't feel lonelier being surrounded by 800 people. I cant stand the screaming, the endless clapping, the growling.
I also dont enjoy whats being played. I only go once every 3 months in order to get "underneath people" but really it doesnt do well for me.
Even at work, I (secretly) cant stand a single person there and tbh I assume most cant stand me either but still play it off.
I hate it so much, I might just look up for another job now.
My phone usage is also off the rails its 7 hours now. I plan to get to 3 hours. Mostly trading, discord, youtube, ChatGPT and .is.
But I hate talking over the phone. When people (parents or work) call me I could scream.
I also cant take the demands from people anymore - Literally im 25 but I am just too fucking old for this shit.
The moment I was born I was demanded to do things - even as a fucking Baby because I had a skin disease and needed to do all kinds of things to get rid of it (still have it, its genetical).
The thing is Gentleman: I dont really want anything anymore. Maybe relationship MAYBE it could cheer me a bit up get. Maybe a girl could bring me closer again to society.
Yet, on the other hand ENDLESS demands. Endless bullshit were I just question "Why?". This world is not modern at all. This world pretends to be modern, but its regressing every year and so am I. And I dont even particulary mean Agepill, I just mean everything.
I am just so OVERWHELMED, yet everything is so UNDERWHELMING.
2025 wont be better. Tbh might just be even worse (again). Not just for me, i think most people are just sick of it.
But then again...hey... it never began.
My Depression is actually low now due to ritalin and CBT but I am sorry, I just dont want to even meet people anymore.
Just standing near them pisses me off.
Uhm, I made that post about going to the theater. Once again I couldn't feel lonelier being surrounded by 800 people. I cant stand the screaming, the endless clapping, the growling.
I also dont enjoy whats being played. I only go once every 3 months in order to get "underneath people" but really it doesnt do well for me.
Even at work, I (secretly) cant stand a single person there and tbh I assume most cant stand me either but still play it off.
I hate it so much, I might just look up for another job now.
My phone usage is also off the rails its 7 hours now. I plan to get to 3 hours. Mostly trading, discord, youtube, ChatGPT and .is.
But I hate talking over the phone. When people (parents or work) call me I could scream.
I also cant take the demands from people anymore - Literally im 25 but I am just too fucking old for this shit.
The moment I was born I was demanded to do things - even as a fucking Baby because I had a skin disease and needed to do all kinds of things to get rid of it (still have it, its genetical).
The thing is Gentleman: I dont really want anything anymore. Maybe relationship MAYBE it could cheer me a bit up get. Maybe a girl could bring me closer again to society.
Yet, on the other hand ENDLESS demands. Endless bullshit were I just question "Why?". This world is not modern at all. This world pretends to be modern, but its regressing every year and so am I. And I dont even particulary mean Agepill, I just mean everything.
I am just so OVERWHELMED, yet everything is so UNDERWHELMING.
2025 wont be better. Tbh might just be even worse (again). Not just for me, i think most people are just sick of it.
But then again...hey... it never began.
